barbedwire
Registered Shopper
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2008
- Messages
- 2,016
Following on from the delightful advert they're currently playing on the channel at the moment where they assure us that shopping with them will stop us having to park, queue up and have an extended Money Back Guarantee - I thought I'd carry it on here and bring out some more reasons why we should all shop with IW this merry and joyous festive season:drunk::
1.) We can avoid the high street with all the smelly members of the public and their grossly unhygenic germs.
2.) We can have all our stem cleaning prayers answered and buy everyone in the family their own seperate Polti and Karcher, so that they can bugger off outdoors on Boxing Day and leave everyone in peace to watch re-runs of the Karcher and Polti hours in IW.
3.) Don't buy relatives really nice, high end cosmetics and make up from department stores (frequented by smelly unhygenic members of the public and their germs) buy them Jerome Alexander Clown Face Paints and watch in delight as they shimmy down the stairs looking like Aunt Sally on Crack.
4.) All your Christmas Cooking needs will be answered by Paul the Chef - as long as you only want to cook ActiFry chips, sausages and that Bread and Butter Chocolate thing he does with some Mother's Pride and a bottle of Yazoo.
5.) If your loved ones have no teeth, then fear not - but a veh veh reasonably priced Vitamix (at £450..) and liquidise their Turkey dinner in it for them - no need to prepare it first, whack the whole lot in, giblets 'un all and whizz it up for mush perfection.
6.) No need to turn the heating up - just put on a Polopancho, it will keep your heating bills down and there'll be no need to dig out your Morecambe and Wise DVDs to laugh at, 'cos your friends and family will be too busy weeing themselves laughing at you in your fleecy tunnel of goodness!
7.) If your Polopancho doesn't quite cut it, dress it up with a Scarflace from good old Moi'. Dresses any outfit up, whether it's a tracksuit and jewelled flip flops or a good old little black dress. Who needs to go to Marks for a nice, reasonably priced scarf and gloves, when Moi' can sort you out with 12 Scarflaces for £99.75 and £10 p&p.
8.) IW Customer Service, the gift that keeps on giving this Yuletide season. Order any item between now and 18th December and it's guaranteed not to arrive on time, be up to scratch or of good quality. Try and return your unwanted item and it will cost you £3,867.47 in calls to the call centre - when you eventually get your money refunded, the item turns up. On Boxing Day.
Now you carry on...:wink:
1.) We can avoid the high street with all the smelly members of the public and their grossly unhygenic germs.
2.) We can have all our stem cleaning prayers answered and buy everyone in the family their own seperate Polti and Karcher, so that they can bugger off outdoors on Boxing Day and leave everyone in peace to watch re-runs of the Karcher and Polti hours in IW.
3.) Don't buy relatives really nice, high end cosmetics and make up from department stores (frequented by smelly unhygenic members of the public and their germs) buy them Jerome Alexander Clown Face Paints and watch in delight as they shimmy down the stairs looking like Aunt Sally on Crack.
4.) All your Christmas Cooking needs will be answered by Paul the Chef - as long as you only want to cook ActiFry chips, sausages and that Bread and Butter Chocolate thing he does with some Mother's Pride and a bottle of Yazoo.
5.) If your loved ones have no teeth, then fear not - but a veh veh reasonably priced Vitamix (at £450..) and liquidise their Turkey dinner in it for them - no need to prepare it first, whack the whole lot in, giblets 'un all and whizz it up for mush perfection.
6.) No need to turn the heating up - just put on a Polopancho, it will keep your heating bills down and there'll be no need to dig out your Morecambe and Wise DVDs to laugh at, 'cos your friends and family will be too busy weeing themselves laughing at you in your fleecy tunnel of goodness!
7.) If your Polopancho doesn't quite cut it, dress it up with a Scarflace from good old Moi'. Dresses any outfit up, whether it's a tracksuit and jewelled flip flops or a good old little black dress. Who needs to go to Marks for a nice, reasonably priced scarf and gloves, when Moi' can sort you out with 12 Scarflaces for £99.75 and £10 p&p.
8.) IW Customer Service, the gift that keeps on giving this Yuletide season. Order any item between now and 18th December and it's guaranteed not to arrive on time, be up to scratch or of good quality. Try and return your unwanted item and it will cost you £3,867.47 in calls to the call centre - when you eventually get your money refunded, the item turns up. On Boxing Day.
Now you carry on...:wink:
