Que Sera Sera

Well......this may be my last post(that is hard to say)

Since I posted last my outlook had a small glimpse of optimism,sadly things have taken a turn for the worse.Sorry to bum anyone's day if they read this post but cancer is a strange,insidious thing that plays it's game in a bizarre,cruel way.

Whilst my last chemo worked to a degree,it reduced my lung and liver lesions,unfortunately the ******* was growing happily away on the peritoneum(stomach lining) and the upshot has been that my bowel have started to fuse together.I also have a blockage at the top of my small bowel which means that I can't keep anything down,food or liquid so I keep throwing up.They cannot operate as it is too dangerous,I would more than likely die on the operating table which I do not want to do.

I am currently in hospital where I have been for 3 weeks,they have tried to treat me for constipation which has not worked and I am currently in the position of having a nasal gastric tube which allows any liquied I consume into a small bag to drain rather than keep vomiting when the pressure builds up.It's ****** hideous having it put in but again it's surprising what you put up with when required:grin:

The next step to try and prolong my time if possible is to have a feeding tube inserted into a neck/chest arm vein so that I may go home and be fed that way,I have to hold on another 3/4 weeks though as the funding comes from Salford so I have said I am prepared to try but it means I must stay in hospital,The fact being if I go home they cannot give me IV fluids and I will die eventually,so I think it's worth me trying to hang on,even though I may take a turn for the worse.I don't want to die in hospital if possible,so what I would like from you guys is your prayers that I can hang on for those weeks needed PRETTY PLEASE:wink:

I have managed to tie up some loose ends for when the time comes which has made me happy and given me some peace.I have expressed my wishes for music at my last hurrah.......ABBA lol Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia,my attitude to life is the former and the latter is the most perfect pop song ever recorded.I have also got my priest to minister,a good friend from when we worked together at my first job when leaving school.We may not have seen each other for years but when we grow as adults our lives move in different directions as we know,a friend got in touch with him and he visited yesterday and today.....as a friend,though the dog collar carries gravitas!I asked him today if he would minister my funeral and he agreed,how nice to be ministered by someone who knows you rather than any old vicar.It will be one less thing for Fred and my parents to worry about.

Sorry for such a depressing post but if I just disappeared not posting again I know some members would be thinking is she or isn't she.I have enjoyed being part of the forum,it has made me laugh,cry and get downright ****** angry........the latter being a total waste of time,life and energy lol.I have smirked at the Lulu threads re her hamster cheek face that is tighter than a gnats bumhole all from her creams:grin:........been gobsmacked at the amount folk spend on a handbag lol .........witnessed the rise and fall and apathy to Gems TV........bought more creams and make up than is required in the hope it will make me 20 again like the foolish women we are........it's been fun and I thank you all for letting me be a part of it

I will sign off now and my message to everyone...............cherish what you have,your friends and family,we all take each other for granted but just tell them all the next time you see them that you love them,2 seconds is all it takes but it means so much.Don't sweat the small stuff,life is too short and precious to waste energy on getting riled over trivialities.

Peace and love to all

Cindy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't know what to say Cindy - have just read your post and I'm in tears, you are such a very brave lady going thru a dreadful dreadful time, my heart goes out to you - you will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sure everyone else on here - God bless you xx

I don't know what to say Cindy except you are a lovely courageous lady and you've always brightened the forum with your intelligent, funny and kind posts. I know there won't be a dry eye on this forum today and I pray our combined thoughts bring healing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love Jacqui xxx

I'm so sorry to read this. My very best wishes to you and your family xxx

You are a very brave lady! Best wishes to you and yours.

I'm so sorry things have turned out this way,Cindy. You and your hubby are in my thoughts.

I am so sad to read your post. It truely does put everything into perspective. You are in my thoughts .XX

Oh Cindy how awful. Well done on fighting every step of the way girl.
Wishing you whatever you wish for yourself. xx

I don't know what to say to you except to tell you that my prayers will be for you constantly! I can't stop the tears from falling but that said, your post has also uplifted me. I've followed your journey all the way through, as I was living mine. Knowing all too well what you were going through. You are so brave and positive that when reading your posts I get a reality check for my own moaning.
I'm so glad you have a strong faith as I know from personal experience, clinging to it can and does bring so much comfort. xxx God Bless You!

My prayers and thoughts are with you,your strength is inspiring xx

All the love and good wishes I can summon up are winging their way to you Cindy. You're an absolute inspiration and I too will be praying for your miracle.

Love Ann
xxxxxx

I don't know you personally Sweetpea but read your posts. I'm glad you didn't simply disappear, it must have been very hard to post but it has given everyone a chance to send you their love and best wishes.

I hope things go the way you want them to, and I wish you and your family much comfort.

Whilst I realise that you can never really "know" someone from what they post online, you have always seemed to me a genuine, warm person. All my thoughts, prayers and best wishes are with you and your family xx

I'm rather like PPC Sweetpea in that I rarely post these days but I do log on every so often. Like others, I have tears rolling down my cheeks after reading your post and can only repeat that you are such a brave lady, it must have taken incredible courage to write such a detailed personal message on this forum. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as will your family and friends. Lots of love and gentle hugs to you.....xxxxxxxxx

Writing your post was an extremely difficult thing to do and must have taken a great deal of courage, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time xx

So sad to hear your news sweetpea. Love and hugs xxxxx

Fairly new on here so dont know you at all, would just like to add my best wishes to all the others left by the great people on here. An inspiring post that gives lots of food for thought, everyone be happy with yourselves the way you are cos life really is too short

x

I'm so sorry to read your sad news, sending you hugs and prayers.