View Full Version : The New Fantasy Virtual Bid TV Presenter: What would he/she look like?

23-11-2012, 01:28 AM
What would this new presenter selling tactics be like?

What personality traits/defects would this person have?

Honest? Wideboy? Off It's Face?

* Imaginative and witty posts required :grin:

23-11-2012, 02:03 AM
They would compulsively walk round department stores where, at every turn they would see items similar to the ones they are selling but at much higher prices.
They would have huge extended families of nans,grans,godchildren,nieces and nephews all of whom they would be buying presents for several times a day.
Their cars would miraculously break down the day before they were due to flog a battery charger and they would always be stricken with a bad back just prior to selling an electric massager.They would need a unique ability to fall in love with any cheap fragrance which might be shoved under their nose and to be enraptured by the sight of a 5 chinese watch.
They would also need to have a large circle of mentally defective acquaintances to whom they could 'sell on' a wide range of redundant mass produced rubbish at a handsome profit.
Applicants should master the following phrases before applying;
'This shouldn't be in clearance!'
'I would be multi-buying'
'Absolutely stunning!'
'Please don't call-the phone lines are locked'

23-11-2012, 04:05 AM
Phones locked shame they aren't permantely locked.

23-11-2012, 08:33 AM
Haha, Aqua! Nice one!

23-11-2012, 08:41 AM
I think it would probably be wide eyed, almost manic looking. If it were a fragrance expert it would almost certainly look like it had slept in it's clothes.

Personality wise I suggest a friendly, warm and yet insincere manner.

But the most important factor is it is able to give the most generous descriptions to the most humble of products. An exaggeration mode or, dare I say it, untruth mode, is vital.

And it must not ever, ever, EVER mention P+P. If it tries the computer will close it down.

Oh, and they must have completely and utterly failed in their chosen career path (Cruise Liner entertainer, Butlins Red Coat, Electrician, Sound Engineer, Actor, Singer, selling perfume in Debenhams or in extreme cases simply became way, way too old and dare I say scary to be a children's television star).

23-11-2012, 08:51 AM
The main trait should be, they must be compulsive liars, and they should never ever mention p+p or phone call costs!

Having said that, I think I'm a bit too late. They're already on screen!

Price Plunge
23-11-2012, 10:25 AM
Give a warm welcome to our new presenter, Stepetaulola McBeqmonstall: "It's a better 'ave it size, ladies' horologists"...