PETER SIMON - i dont understand you

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earwig

Registered Shopper
Joined
May 6, 2011
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233
We've all seen him do it, when the violins start playing or the holy choir pipes up, he 'goes into one' as he starts introducing
the best thing today (since the last sale), as he is making up the cover story, tugging at maud and elsie's heart strings a'la
worry angels. To me it is all just a load of old cobblers and he just loses me in all the strange ways he puts words together
all in a meaningless way, sometimes i wonder if someones slipped some lsd into his cup of tea....
Last night he was selling a 'hand created' (whatever that means) 'butterfly vase, the butterflys that fly'.
I had to rewind the telly and listen again to what i thought he said as it was just weird, let me share some of it with you.....

'Hand created, the butterfly vase, the butterflys that fly. the master of the air, this is a creation so delicious it sparkles. not
only does it take artisans of most crafted of gilt of glass and artwork, inspired by legacys of stories that are besotted with the
folklaws of the ATOMS of butterflys. the warmth, the colour of the ATOMS of admirals, the whispering winds the creations the
desires, this is impeccable, it is simply magnificent, its incredebly heavy, incredibly heavy. this is the chinese whispers of the
folklaws of the three butterflys who in the autumn went to an open flower of the white lilly, they stayed together until the
SIGHS of the sun saw their greeting and their brethren and their brotherhood. he shone the light that saved them, united as
one, the world of the brothers of the butterflys. encaptured within this vase is the spirit of this desire. it is stunning, it is stunning'.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING PETER? :mysmilie_51:
you really have to listen to it to believe it, i just don't get it
 
He reminds me of the ultimate warrior, as he had a talent for screaming utter shite non stop for three minutes.

I like how peter simon can talk for five minutes and not say a damn thing
 
I completely get it even if I don't understand his incoherent, slobber laden, stomach churning drivel.

The man is utterly grotesque but just look at how much he sells. Nobody even comes close so consistently.
 
its a clever use of nonsense
old frumpy head tilt caroline is another one who can talk non stop for ten minutes without so much as a breath, its a skill
 
earwig said:
its a clever use of nonsense
old frumpy head tilt caroline is another one who can talk non stop for ten minutes without so much as a breath, its a skill
Click to expand...

Spot on, he knows exactly what he's doing. But for the life of me I don't understand the Maude/Bet stuff. I can only conclude it's a sales gimmick to make viewers think he has a female partner, Portelli even plays along with it which I find more than a bit odd.

Maybe they think their afternoon audience would prefer to think he's straight, who knows?
 
earwig said:
We've all seen him do it, when the violins start playing or the holy choir pipes up, he 'goes into one' as he starts introducing
the best thing today (since the last sale), as he is making up the cover story, tugging at maud and elsie's heart strings a'la
worry angels. To me it is all just a load of old cobblers and he just loses me in all the strange ways he puts words together
all in a meaningless way, sometimes i wonder if someones slipped some lsd into his cup of tea....
Last night he was selling a 'hand created' (whatever that means) 'butterfly vase, the butterflys that fly'.
I had to rewind the telly and listen again to what i thought he said as it was just weird, let me share some of it with you.....

'Hand created, the butterfly vase, the butterflys that fly. the master of the air, this is a creation so delicious it sparkles. not
only does it take artisans of most crafted of gilt of glass and artwork, inspired by legacys of stories that are besotted with the
folklaws of the ATOMS of butterflys. the warmth, the colour of the ATOMS of admirals, the whispering winds the creations the
desires, this is impeccable, it is simply magnificent, its incredebly heavy, incredibly heavy. this is the chinese whispers of the
folklaws of the three butterflys who in the autumn went to an open flower of the white lilly, they stayed together until the
SIGHS of the sun saw their greeting and their brethren and their brotherhood. he shone the light that saved them, united as
one, the world of the brothers of the butterflys. encaptured within this vase is the spirit of this desire. it is stunning, it is stunning'.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING PETER? :mysmilie_51:
you really have to listen to it to believe it, i just don't get it
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Thanks for sharing this I must have switched off before this was on, did anyone else read it in Peter Simons voice and style?

I want 1 of those vases for a present as they do look nice but they don't want my money so hey ho as Peter would say
 
Mommabear said:
Liana is always so much more relaxed when she's not on with the dirty old git. When she is on with him, she's as tense and stiff as a coiled spring.
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The only one that ever looked totally comfortable with him to my eye was Helen Bates, she appeared to lap up his vileness.

I cannot say I miss her really.
 
Wirral70 said:
Spot on, he knows exactly what he's doing. But for the life of me I don't understand the Maude/Bet stuff. I can only conclude it's a sales gimmick to make viewers think he has a female partner, Portelli even plays along with it which I find more than a bit odd.

Maybe they think their afternoon audience would prefer to think he's straight, who knows?
Click to expand...

I don't think he's trying to create the impression of a female partner-I think the Maude/Bet garbage is to evoke a feeling of old fashioned domestic cosiness which appeals to the elderly and often lonely people whom he delights in taking money from in exchange for shoddy mass produced tat.
 
aqua said:
I don't think he's trying to create the impression of a female partner-I think the Maude/Bet garbage is to evoke a feeling of old fashioned domestic cosiness which appeals to the elderly and often lonely people whom he delights in taking money from in exchange for shoddy mass produced tat.
Click to expand...

nail hit right on the head aqua
 
aqua said:
I don't think he's trying to create the impression of a female partner-I think the Maude/Bet garbage is to evoke a feeling of old fashioned domestic cosiness which appeals to the elderly and often lonely people whom he delights in taking money from in exchange for shoddy mass produced tat.
Click to expand...

Then changing it to being alone at Christmas whilst selling the little hamper of goodies. It's probably just as well, as there only looks enough for one in it :mysmilie_478:

He has two brothers, probably be drinking them under the table, wearing party hats and telling his smutty jokes, spitting away, laughing like a drain, little hamper in the bin.
 
aqua said:
I don't think he's trying to create the impression of a female partner-I think the Maude/Bet garbage is to evoke a feeling of old fashioned domestic cosiness which appeals to the elderly and often lonely people whom he delights in taking money from in exchange for shoddy mass produced tat.
Click to expand...

The other day he was selling a Thinsulate Scarf, Glove and Hat set and Elisa put it on for him. Elisa said (I paraphrase) 'is that what Bet does every morning when you leave for work with your sandwiches' to which he said 'yes'. Then another time he goes onto play the violin strings when he says he lives alone and sometimes gets down and miserable.

It really is quite, quite bizarre.
 
Mommabear said:
Then changing it to being alone at Christmas whilst selling the little hamper of goodies. It's probably just as well, as there only looks enough for one in it :mysmilie_478:

He has two brothers, probably be drinking them under the table, wearing party hats and telling his smutty jokes, spitting away, laughing like a drain, little hamper in the bin.
Click to expand...

Exactly! Having seen enough of Peter Simon over the years, I'm pretty sure he's a raucous, life and soul of the party type. And why not? Nothing wrong with that. So why do we get the "poor Peter, living all alone, waking up in the middle of the night clutching his worry angels" spiel if not to tug at the heartstrings of a certain type of viewer? It certainly is bizarrely watchable.
 
boredshopper said:
Exactly! Having seen enough of Peter Simon over the years, I'm pretty sure he's a raucous, life and soul of the party type. And why not? Nothing wrong with that. So why do we get the "poor Peter, living all alone, waking up in the middle of the night clutching his worry angels" spiel if not to tug at the heartstrings of a certain type of viewer? It certainly is bizarrely watchable.
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noooooo boredshopper, it can't be watchable, he's a vile. cynical, disgusting, calculating salesman
ummm, I'm not that keen on him actually! :mysmilie_50:
 
deedee said:
yes I saw that
the pyjamas and the completely false smile made me a bit sick in my mouth
I've changed channels now!
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Indeed, I'm not watching him either I only saw it on the preview.

Match of The Day is on soon, far better!:mysmilie_19:
 
earwig said:
'Hand created, the butterfly vase, the butterflys that fly. the master of the air, this is a creation so delicious it sparkles. not
only does it take artisans of most crafted of gilt of glass and artwork, inspired by legacys of stories that are besotted with the
folklaws of the ATOMS of butterflys. the warmth, the colour of the ATOMS of admirals, the whispering winds the creations the
desires, this is impeccable, it is simply magnificent, its incredebly heavy, incredibly heavy. this is the chinese whispers of the
folklaws of the three butterflys who in the autumn went to an open flower of the white lilly, they stayed together until the
SIGHS of the sun saw their greeting and their brethren and their brotherhood. he shone the light that saved them, united as
one, the world of the brothers of the butterflys. encaptured within this vase is the spirit of this desire. it is stunning, it is stunning'.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING PETER? :mysmilie_51:
you really have to listen to it to believe it, i just don't get it
Click to expand...


Oh, my God! That is amazing! I wish there was a thread purely for the shite he talks.

I also wish I could rewind my TV!

Thank you, earwig!
 
Not that I watch it but Peter would make a great contestant on 'I'm a celeb, get me out of here' (ok so he's not so much of a celeb but you get where I'm going with this).

Or how about a Countdown special - I imagine he would try and cop off with Susie Dent and Rachel wotshername :grin:

Dedicated to our Bet, Maud and any other fictitious naming conventions.
 

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