My son is missing in the USA (I think)

To cut a very long story short he met a "girl" online a 4 of years ago she lives in Idaho in the USA has been over to visit her several times a year for the past 3 years .
He paid for her to come and visit us here for Christmas 2013 and she was a "right little madam" as my Granny would have said, she complained about EVERYTHING from the weather to our house which she posted a status on FB saying "it would be quite a nice house if only it wasn't so tatty and dirty".
I didn't "take" to her but kept quiet .
Now for the last 18 months he has been sending her £350 to pay her rent.
Now that you have the background to the story.
He suddenly said last October that he was going over to the States to live and marry her, so 2 weeks later he left Cornwall and moved over there, the issue is he only went on a normal tourist visa with a return ticket for 4 weeks later. He had insurance for the 4 weeks .
He has now been there for 3 months longer than he should have been and it is over 8 weeks since I last heard from in .
When he was first there we Skyped twice and messaged on facebook a couple of times.
I have no contact details for him at all and he hasn't been online for the last 6 weeks.
I have emailed but they haven't been read, and I have left dozens of Facebook and Skype messages.
So I am beginning to get really quite concerned about him.
I don't know what to do for the best I don't want to get him into any trouble with the authorities so I can't report him missing to anyone if indeed he is missing and not just to busy to get online and contact his Mum.
Sorry for such a long post but I just needed to get it off my "chest" and maybe get some impartial advice!

I feel for you Madmax. At the moment I can only think that you could contact the Salvation Army for advice. It is early days and he may contact you soon but the Sally Army may have some ideas.

Have you any contact details for her?

http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/FamilyTracing

I know one person for whom the Sally Army got in touch with the son of her elderly aunt. I also know someone's husband who travelled to one of the Canary Islands to find their son who has mental health issues. He found him.

Your son obviously knows he`s there illegally so I daresay he`s keeping a very low profile and staying away from social media and the internet. On the other hand, he must know how worried you will be and he could have put pen to paper or even just a postcard to let you know he`s ok, if he`s too scared of being traced by other means.
You must be out of your mind with worry !
At the end of the day if he continues not getting in touch, then the only answer might be to go through official channels such as the British Embassy or Consulate. I`m not trying to panic you, far from it and by all means give him more time to contact you but sooner or later you need to find out where he is and how he is. Kids can be so selfish at times and hopefully this is just thoughtlessness on his part and nothing more serious such as illness or jail. His girlfriend obviously has a facebook page from what you`ve said, so message her saying how worried you are and all you want to know is if he`s ok.

Thanks for all of your advice I have already messaged her on Facebook with no reply and she has also de-friended both me and my daughter, this has happened since he has been over there.
I am trying to remember the old saying "no news is good news" but it is getting harder with each day that passes.
His grandparents (my parents) are also concerned about him and as I am no longer in any form of contact with his Dad I can't even ask if he has heard from him
The letter I sent to him at Christmas recorded, tracked and signed for, to the only address I have for her came back to me this morning which was when I started to get really worried. I have no mobile or land line phone number for her.
I can only hope that as you say he is keeping a low profile, and will contact me once they are married and he is no longer over there illegally.
Kids you hope that as they get older and become independent you would stop worrying about them!!

What a terrible situation you are in. I think your son has shown no respect for you or your feelings so I would try to contact the authorities then at least you would know he was safe if they find him. He must know how worried you will be. Hope you hear something soon. X

How worrying for you Madmax - Not sure what to advise but you need advice on how to get started in the process for contacting him. Have you spoken to his friends, employer etc? You could contact the Missing Persons website and ask for guidance about finding someone in the USA. Also, could someone contact his father on your behalf to see if he has made contact.

Keep posting on here as someone else may be able to help you further ...

He gave up his job here just before he left for the States and no one I know has had any contact with his father for at least 10 years, so that is another dead end.
I have contacted his "best friend" who hasn't heard from him since just after Christmas, he was about to contact me to find out what was going on as he hadn't had any contact for so long and they usually Skyped at least 2 or 3 times a month.
I have done a Google search and found the town where the address I have for him is and it really is a "one horse" town right up on the Canadian boarder. So maybe they have moved somewhere with better job prospects as apparently she couldn't manage with out him sending her money every month so how they expected to live on just her wages I don't know.

I feel so sorry for you and when the bugger turns up then send him to me and I`ll clip his ear for you !

The Americans have very little data protection, if you know his girlfriend's first name and surname, type them into Google with the name of the town where she was living. You may get back some information. If you know her parents names try the same. I am always amazed at the amount of information I get back on my English friends who now live there. If she has blocked you from Facebook and she has not applied loads of security get a friend to look at her Facebook page and see if their is any activity. Get them to click on her friends and get their details. Start a notepad and make a note of all the information you find out. The date he flew out, his flt details. Anything is worth recording as you will start forgetting it and it may be useful.

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Oh, MadMax how worrying for you. At the end of the day I think you will have to contact the British embassy. Quite a lot of Irish people used to head to the US on tourist visas and not return as they really wanted to work. Without a green card your son will be doing low paid work, not likely to keep girlfriend who sounds a right bitch.

Gosh you must be out of your mind with worry.

Some good suggestions have already been made especially taking notes while they are still fresh in your mind.

Would Google turn up any nearby British/Irish pubs as ex pats always gravitate there eventually, perhaps if there is an email to the manager which might be put up for someone to see and pass on to your son?

At the end if the day you may feel that the problems with the authorities is worth finding him safe, he can't spend the rest of his life on the run. As his mum you deserve peace of mind.

Hope you hear something soon.

You could go down the tough love route and report him to US immigration. They are very efficient at returning over-stayers. There's a possibility they'd get married and apply for him to stay, but if that hasn't happened all passport controls (say into Canada) would be alerted to detain him when they check his passport. If he's deported then he may find it impossible to return to the States - tempting though that sounds he may end up hating you forever.

Before you do this I'd maybe reach out to the British Embassy for advice.

I feel for you, and can't imagine the worry you're going through. Just to hear he's okay would be such a reassurance.

My biggest rebellions were running off to live with a nightclub bouncer and then to live with a morris musician! Sad, I know, but I was in the same country (in the former, I was in the same county!), and I did sort of keep in touch with my parents. I can't imagine (at my now advanced age) how you must be feeling. My Mum would have been devastated had my brother disappeared from her. I do hope he finds a way to let you know he is ok. msx

Sorry to hear this madmax - I think some good advice has been given here - and will hopefully help you track down your son. You must be out of your mind with worry, and I hope that he contacts you soon. His girlfriend does indeed sound like a right little madam! Please let us know if he does get in touch. Thinking of you. xxx

GOOD NEWS.
I have just received (well opened) a one line Facebook message from my son letting me know that they got married yesterday evening.
No indication as to were they are but at least I now know that he is safe and well.
I have asked him to Skype me early tomorrow morning so that we can catch up on all that has been happening since I last had contact with him.
Thank you for all of your support and advice I was giving him until the end of the month before I got the authorities involved.

I have been following this thread since the beginning, but really didn't know how to respond to it, other than to say that you were in my thoughts which you have been.

I am so delighted to hear that he has been in contact and that you now know that he is safe and well. Thank you for letting us know.

I too am so pleased he has been in touch. What a relief for you. Thank you for letting us know.