QVC - Your TV Times...

Twenty first century QVC far too boring - so let's move it back or forwards and say what we'd like to see... for me it's

QVC Does the Tudors...

All goods and chattels delivered to your dwelling place within 7-10 working weeks (private oxen and cart service) and, of course working week meaning seven days

Flat rate delivery charge of £4 10 sh and 4d. MBG - chuck it in the Thames and hope it floats our way.

Featuring

Northern Knights
Mulberry Tree Pantry
EasiYo Yoghurt - never been easier! Cow delivered to your door - just milk and leave to turn
DIY - outside broadcast from The Tower.
Christmastide in July! - everything ye need for a good old wassail featuring New World Candles
In the Kitchen with the King George Foreman spit roaster (pack of suckling pigs extra)
Beauty with Lady Alison Younge - turn yourself as white as a Northern Knights Sheet with help from our resident expert. No one better to advise on how to cover those pox marks!
A Musical Evening - get on your virginals! All the latest from lutes to harpsichords

...and we don't charge a groat in interest...

...lol and Jonathan RM on home approval plssssssssssssssssssssss

Snuffles said:

All goods and chattels delivered to your dwelling place within 7-10 working weeks (private oxen and cart service) and, of course working week meaning seven days
Flat rate delivery charge of £4 10 sh and 4d.

Click to expand...

So they're still grossly overcharging for p&p then, seeing as that would be about 6 months wages for the average oik! :tongue2::grin:

I refuse to pay more than 4 groats for postage.

"Beauty with Anne Bolelyn" can't you just see the ad....."She captured the heart of our king and brought about the dissolution of the monastries". Then after her execution she would never be mentioned again in the manner of Molton Brown etc.

Love this thread, very very funny!

"King and Co" a range of courtly robes that will impress the gentry in your local town, they will stretch to fit even after you have partaken of a 20 course banquet

Eternal youth elixir sold from the back of a hand cart by the lovely maiden Alison Young. Yes this will literally and actually take the years off or if not it can cure those nasty warts.

Elizabeth Go Away. Used by our dear queen, the spanish smashed now she brings her secret to those glowing red curls.

and KVZ wipe-clean bags to catch any rolled heads

....that could be passed on to Buccleuch

quack quack the court jester is in residence!!!

Madam Julia Roberts de Pompadour will be on hand with her merry band of young hand maidens, advising the young ladies on how to disguise pockmarks. She will be introducing Lady Liz Earle de Naturelle, a buxom glowing beauty, who has potions galore and with her creamy complexion is sure to tempt the yokels to part with their groats.
Another draw is Epiphany iron clad, a new range of stunning jewellery sure to entice the most discerning shopper.

Don'y miss our QVC Bumper Plague Pack.
The Ratso Mallet deals with those cursed Bubonic plague ridden black rats (as used by celebrities such as Robert Dudley, Thomas Seymour and Ann of Cleves)
One vial of Vaporize Elixir will remove the all-pervading odour of Black Death for up to 6 hours.

Snuffles said:

Twenty first century QVC far too boring - so let's move it back or forwards and say what we'd like to see... for me it's

QVC Does the Tudors...

All goods and chattels delivered to your dwelling place within 7-10 working weeks (private oxen and cart service) and, of course working week meaning seven days

Flat rate delivery charge of £4 10 sh and 4d. MBG - chuck it in the Thames and hope it floats our way.

Featuring

Northern Knights
Mulberry Tree Pantry
EasiYo Yoghurt - never been easier! Cow delivered to your door - just milk and leave to turn
DIY - outside broadcast from The Tower.
Christmastide in July! - everything ye need for a good old wassail featuring New World Candles
In the Kitchen with the King George Foreman spit roaster (pack of suckling pigs extra)
Beauty with Lady Alison Younge - turn yourself as white as a Northern Knights Sheet with help from our resident expert. No one better to advise on how to cover those pox marks!
A Musical Evening - get on your virginals! All the latest from lutes to harpsichords

...and we don't charge a groat in interest...

Click to expand...

We could have Sir Francis Drake selling us a new bowling game he had invented and Sir Walter Raleigh doing the gardening show and selling us the newly discovered tobacco plant and the potato that will enhance our walled garden. Alison Young could sell us arsenic to help keep our complection white and with a bit of luck, use to much...:bow:

QVC Queen Victoria Channel. today's TSV: "preserve the modesty of your piano with this lovely set of leg covers" later on today we will be featuring slim and suffocate corsets to help you achiece an 18 inch waist and laundanum potions to help you with those sleepless nights, this new range is called Numbed Out Nights. Next week we'll be in the kitchen with Mrs Beeton

Also don't forget the latest in Tudor technological innovations in the 'Small Castle Home Castle' hour, with Master Anthony de Heywood in his doublet and hose (swoon) demonstrating all the current trends in communication techniques, like the Dell Wax Seal (invaluable for closing up all those important letters of state) the Hewlett Packard Quill and Ink writing device and the Pentax Camera Obscura - perfect for all those snub nose, stiff, arch looking portraits of your friends, family and recent beheaded loved ones.

After a hard day dealing with matters of state, settle down in front of your fireside wearing your Carol Axeman Nightgown - perfectly made nightwear for that 'just about to be executed' look - and on your way to the scaffold, don't forget that even your common or garden axeman needs a gift, so take along a lovely bottle of Philosophy's 'When Rolling Heads are Not Enough' multi-tasking Shampoo, Shower gel and Bubble bath, the perfect present for a really whiffy executioner (because lets face it, you won't need it where you'll be going...) he can sluice down the block with it after he's done the deed - and then de-louse himself afterwards, and all on 3 Ye Easy Pays...

further back in time we have our regular Monday Anglo Saxon Golden Hoard hour, all the latest and most stylish ornamantal swords and cape pins, plus a unique storage system featuring a recent innovation called a spade so you can dig a hole to put your gold in.

On the home front we have a gorgeous range of pitch torches to bring some sort of light to your wattle and daub residence

i'm liking the sound of Northern Knights to snuggle up with

All i can picture is a scene from Blackadder!

Baldrick (Craig)
Nursie (Julia)
Queenie (Claire)
Lord Flashhreat (Charlie)

NIKKID said:

All i can picture is a scene from Blackadder!

Baldrick (Craig)
Nursie (Julia)
Queenie (Claire)
Lord Flashhreat (Charlie)

Click to expand...

Oh that paints a hilarious picture:sun: