Howard's toilet Tourette's

ShoppingTelly

Help Support ShoppingTelly:

desertranger

Registered Shopper
Joined
Nov 15, 2015
Messages
251
Howard’s toilet Tourette’s was in full flow on the Williams car show yesterday. His opening gambit was a quite bizarre tale involving him eating a pasty and then being the victim of ‘bird poo’, as he so delicately put it. The rear end obsession continued with a later joke about ‘putting wind in the tyres’- clearly meant as euphemism for farting. The Williams co-presenter wasn’t too happy with Howard’s diversions, as was made clear by his increasingly bemused looks towards the camera. I didn’t watch the whole show, but it’s quite likely Howard would have gone on to make some reference to constipation, thus making it a ‘full house’ for his beloved bodily functions. One thing’s for sure: it doesn’t matter what Howard is selling, his commitment to the vagaries of the human bottom will not be silenced:talking:...short of him being sacked that is.
 
Howard’s toilet Tourette’s was in full flow on the Williams car show yesterday. His opening gambit was a quite bizarre tale involving him eating a pasty and then being the victim of ‘bird poo’, as he so delicately put it. The rear end obsession continued with a later joke about ‘putting wind in the tyres’- clearly meant as euphemism for farting. The Williams co-presenter wasn’t too happy with Howard’s diversions, as was made clear by his increasingly bemused looks towards the camera. I didn’t watch the whole show, but it’s quite likely Howard would have gone on to make some reference to constipation, thus making it a ‘full house’ for his beloved bodily functions. One thing’s for sure: it doesn’t matter what Howard is selling, his commitment to the vagaries of the human bottom will not be silenced:talking:...short of him being sacked that is.

I think it all boils down to the presenter's lack of ability to ad lib to a high standard, if they had such skills they'd almost certainly be presenting 'proper' television programmes.

I can imagine it's quite a difficult thing to be able to big up car polish, live, without a script. Howard and his colleagues are at the lowest end of TV presenting although they probably make a very decent living.

It's clear they are somewhat limited in ability but I do agree, Howard Griffiths can come across as a very strange man. I have always thought he's harmless but what I do find objectionable is his constant mantra of 'I hate liars'.

Hopefully Howard really means what he says because, if not, it's a cert that he'll be rumbled and if he has any doubts about that he should ask his ex-Bid colleagues.

Especially Peter Simon, that Ideal World would hire this man with his demonstrably appalling compliance record at Bid simply beggars belief. Hopefully they keep him on a very tight leash.
 
I would think a trip to see a proctologist would be more useful than discussing toilet habits on live tv.

It must be a topic that obsessively occupies his thoughts for it to be so often mentioned.
 
Howard's subjects of conversation used to be: someone who was very overweight (I think it was his brother??), his Dad's ailments (unless, of course, he was flogging something that required his Dad to have been bursting with health with no ailments/any ailments completely glossed over), something he'd bought that he could have got much cheaper on IW - but by far the most important topic has always been bowels and toilet habits, IMO. Definitely a suitable case for treatment. Can you imagine what a riveting guest he would be at any dinner party?
 
I'm sorry, but if a presenter can't do a product presentation without referring to 'poo poo' then he/she is either in need of specialist help and/or shouldn't be hired in the first place....
 
I'm sorry, but if a presenter can't do a product presentation without referring to 'poo poo' then he/she is either in need of specialist help and/or shouldn't be hired in the first place....

Last night he was telling everyone that he was going dancing at midnight.

Maybe 'dancing' is a euphemism for having the trots? :mysmilie_59:
 
Hubby always has Not Ideal World on in the background weekends
Howard was on with a steam cleaner last week
The quest was saying how it was a floor steamer and converts to a handy hand cleaner for doing
Your taps and around the loo and how it kills germs you don't see
For no reason Howard shouted out diarrhoea diarrhoea diarrhoea
The guest must know what he is like because he ignored him and carried on his demo without batting an eyelid
I suppose he is used to the c..p Howard goes on about(pun intended)
 
I'm sure most shopping presenters have a mantra "I must not talk drivel".... so of course they are programming themselves to do exactly that (talk drivel). Howard perhaps has a mantra of "I must not talk cr@p" so inevitably he talks exactly that. There is a psychological point that we are all deaf to the negative word in the sentence.

I think they all need to make their mantras "I must not make sense", "I must not make justifiable claims about the product", "I must not highlight the full price of the item".... think it'll work? Are there any other "not" mantras they also need to programme themselves with... I think the list for Peter Simon will take too long to type, although I've included one popular bugbear. :mysmilie_13:
 
I'm sure most shopping presenters have a mantra "I must not talk drivel".... so of course they are programming themselves to do exactly that (talk drivel). Howard perhaps has a mantra of "I must not talk cr@p" so inevitably he talks exactly that. There is a psychological point that we are all deaf to the negative word in the sentence.

I think they all need to make their mantras "I must not make sense", "I must not make justifiable claims about the product", "I must not highlight the full price of the item".... think it'll work? Are there any other "not" mantras they also need to programme themselves with... I think the list for Peter Simon will take too long to type, although I've included one popular bugbear. :mysmilie_13:

I must not mention actual postage costs, unless it's free or capped (very rare)
I must not mention the full price, only the first installment, if i'm Dirty Peter
I must not finish sentences (if beneficial)
I must not mention delivery timescales, ever
I must not mention that returns are made at the customers expense unless of course it's free returns then i'll scream it from the rooftops (very rare)
I must not mention reviews on Independent Websites, I must mention vetted, often edited reviews on idealworld.tv
I must not use open, transparent price comparisons, only use 'neverheardofthiscompanyneitherhavewe.com'
I must not mention that many items are effectively 'own brands' making 'Our Usual Price' meaningless
I must not mention that our iPads are years old, long since defunct models that even Apple no longer sell on their reconditioned website
I must not mention that i've never actually worked for Apple, not unless the goon presenting strays too far from 'merely highly disingenuous' and says that I have

I must not believe a single word that any of this shower say :mysmilie_59:
 
Perhaps that was the name of someone Howard knows? (Dai Rear?). Sorry, appalling joke I know, I can only plead that I've spent too much time watching Howard 'The Bowels', aka 'Poward', and hope you'll take this into consideration. Alternatively, shouting this out could just be yet another example of Howard's weird 'take' on what is funny.

Hubby always has Not Ideal World on in the background weekends
Howard was on with a steam cleaner last week
The quest was saying how it was a floor steamer and converts to a handy hand cleaner for doing
Your taps and around the loo and how it kills germs you don't see
For no reason Howard shouted out diarrhoea diarrhoea diarrhoea
The guest must know what he is like because he ignored him and carried on his demo without batting an eyelid
I suppose he is used to the c..p Howard goes on about(pun intended)
 
Wirral, these are the ten commandments of IW, and should be shown on the screen at all times.
I must not mention actual postage costs, unless it's free or capped (very rare)
I must not mention the full price, only the first installment, if i'm Dirty Peter
I must not finish sentences (if beneficial)
I must not mention delivery timescales, ever
I must not mention that returns are made at the customers expense unless of course it's free returns then i'll scream it from the rooftops (very rare)
I must not mention reviews on Independent Websites, I must mention vetted, often edited reviews on idealworld.tv
I must not use open, transparent price comparisons, only use 'neverheardofthiscompanyneitherhavewe.com'
I must not mention that many items are effectively 'own brands' making 'Our Usual Price' meaningless
I must not mention that our iPads are years old, long since defunct models that even Apple no longer sell on their reconditioned website
I must not mention that i've never actually worked for Apple, not unless the goon presenting strays too far from 'merely highly disingenuous' and says that I have

I must not believe a single word that any of this shower say :mysmilie_59:
 
Wirral, these are the ten commandments of IW, and should be shown on the screen at all times.

The ten I'd pick are......

1.....get rid of Mike Mason
2.....get rid of Peter Simon
3.....get rid of Mike Mason
4.....get rid of Peter Simon
5.....get rid of Mike Mason
6.....get rid of Peter Simon
7.....get rid of Mike Mason
8.....get rid of Peter Simon
9.....get rid of Mike Mason

Now what's the last one? oh yeah....

10....get rid of Peter Simon.
 
Just as Joe Remblance is the brand ambassador for the Tower products he flogs on Ideal, I can envision a similar role for Howard in the promotion of one of the channel’s gardening products, namely, horse manure... 364586_SUPER__000_20160202.jpg

As the channel’s only manure ambassador, Howard would be free to fully indulge his peculiar interests in an official capacity...he would also see his star rise after his face replaces the horse picture on the manure bag.
The icing on the cake would be his entry into Ideal’s elite league of presenters who are referred to as ‘experts’. At a secret ceremony presided over by Peter Simon, Howard would be called forth to receive the prized ‘Janice Phillips Award for Pretend Skills and Career Embellishment’. He will have arrived.

(*I do wonder if the selling of horse manure is perhaps a portent of Ideal's prospects in the coming months...*)
 

Similar threads

I
Replies
18
Views
6,556
HoodedClaw
H

Latest posts

Back
Top