New Selling Technique

[Twilight]

That all being said, children are fast learners and will find a way round a problem if they can. One hot summer's day when the windows were all open and the children were just outside, Mr C and I overheard our eldest daughter telling the other, "Just remember, Mum's the one you ask if you want to go somewhere, and Dad's the one you ask if you want sweets"!!

Thanks for putting us in the picture, daughter one! That information served your parents well.

When our older girl was in Year 3 her teacher introduced Circle Time - once a week the children would be given a topic to discuss as a class & the first subject was Family. She came home & announced that if we split up she wanted to live with me during the week because I'd make sure she had clean clothes & yogurt but she'd spend the weekends with her daddy who had the money & was the one who did the fun things. I LOVE yogurt

 

[Twilight]

My mother laid down the law with no real rhyme or reason. I was quite a stubborn child and felt that if I was given a reason for the “law” I could have accepted it or put forward a case for the defence but she went berserk any time I had the nerve to suggest a discussion, very much her word was the first and last word. Not a desperately happy childhood but by god I was well mannered!

Is it possible to have a happy medium?

Definitely. A happy & secure childhood is the most important time of our life because it's wonderful when it's happening & gives us a book of memories for the future along with values, ambitions & hope. I think we achieved that happy medium & raised two children who have gone on to be kind, hard-working & thoroughly decent members of society. Unfortunately, over the past decade the once solid relationship I shared with older daughter has faded; she's married to a man who clearly dislikes me & there's no recognition of any aspect of her life before they met. I think I'm fairly tough when it comes to shrugging off someone's opinions but when he said that they wanted their children to have the childhood that she didn't have something inside me died.

 

[Twilight]

I was scared of my “mother” for want of a better word and told the husband when we were planning a family, that when we have children they will never be afraid of us, and know that they can discuss anything, they’ll laugh every day and know they’re loved and never doubt it for one single second, and violence will not be tolerated, don’t know why I bothered though because the husband is so laid back he’s horizontal
The result being two loving, amazing sons who have done amazing in their chosen high powered careers, same with their wives, they’re great fathers, husbands and sons. They often tell me and the husband that they had a great childhood and the way we brought them up is how they’re bringing their children up.

But then you have our Oscar who’s autistic, if Oscar has an episode when he’s out people will look at our son and daughter-in-law as if their child is unruly, he’s not, he’s autistic. A few months back they we out and in a queue to take him on a little ride in the shopping centre when Oscar was upset by something, the man operating the ride shouted “will you shut that kid up!” My son not wanting to upset Oscar by shouting calmly turned round and said, he’s autistic. When they got home our son and daughter-in-law put in an official complaint, me and the husband were heartbroken because Oscar is a beautiful little boy, he can read like an adult, write, speak French, knows how to operate any piece of technology, photographic memory and he’s only five, his teachers want him to apply to MENSA to take a test. Oscar has two loving parents, who research a lot about autism to give Oscar the best start and progress for his life ahead, they’re so loving, calm and patient, as is Haydn and Roses mum and dad. So when you see a child “acting up” remember that child may have issues.

PS. Longest post I’ve ever done.

Oh Shopps, I've taught several children who are autistic & the way their parents dealt with situations was so important. The expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes is so true & never more than during the past year. For years we did our weekly shop in a large Sainsburys, then covid queues meant adding hours onto this so we stopped going until the end of November when they had an offer on something that I couldn't refuse. I know every shelf in this store but after 10 months of shopping in small shops I had a total sensory overload - it was too large, too noisy & too bright. I panic at airports but this was even worse, I had to really concentrate on what I had to get & couldn't wait to leave. That took up a few minutes of my life, I understood why it happened & know that I don't have to do it again, a child who gets overwhelmed because his or her brain works differently from other people's faces situations like that every day. Oscar sounds lush & with his family next to him he'll succeed

 

[SusieSue]

In my store we sell a lot of sensory/distraction toys and we are well used to autistic children, if a parent mentions their condition we will do all we can to make sure the shopping experience is as calm and pleasant as we can make it.

Unfortunately we have a lot of badly behaved unruly feral children with indifferent parents, I have been kicked, I had a 7 year old grip me round the throat with a grabber toy, we face undiluted rudeness (including the 'F' and 'C' words) on a regular basis, and very rarely here a please or thank you.

I have parents abandon their kids in my store to 'play' while they go to the phone shop or Primark.

We've been burgled by a group of 12 year olds, and it wasn't their first offence.

It's not some deprived inner city store, it's a pleasant rural market town.

 

[shopperholic]

Oh Shopps, I've taught several children who are autistic & the way their parents dealt with situations was so important. The expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes is so true & never more than during the past year. For years we did our weekly shop in a large Sainsburys, then covid queues meant adding hours onto this so we stopped going until the end of November when they had an offer on something that I couldn't refuse. I know every shelf in this store but after 10 months of shopping in small shops I had a total sensory overload - it was too large, too noisy & too bright. I panic at airports but this was even worse, I had to really concentrate on what I had to get & couldn't wait to leave. That took up a few minutes of my life, I understood why it happened & know that I don't have to do it again, a child who gets overwhelmed because his or her brain works differently from other people's faces situations like that every day. Oscar sounds lush & with his family next to him he'll succeed

Aw I’m sorry this happened to you luv, yes it’s horrible when that happens and you’re right it’s a case of knowing your limitations, sensory overload can be terrifying. Oscar has a pair of ear defenders and he puts them on himself now if things get too loud, so at five he’s even starting to know his limitations. He’s so clever though so learning won’t be a problem for him, he had to show Grandpops how to download a game from the PlayStation store last month

Thanks T, you’re the type of teacher I hope our Oscar (and Haydn and Rose come to that) have on their educational journey xx

 

[Silver Fox]

Definitely. A happy & secure childhood is the most important time of our life because it's wonderful when it's happening & gives us a book of memories for the future along with values, ambitions & hope. I think we achieved that happy medium & raised two children who have gone on to be kind, hard-working & thoroughly decent members of society. Unfortunately, over the past decade the once solid relationship I shared with older daughter has faded; she's married to a man who clearly dislikes me & there's no recognition of any aspect of her life before they met. I think I'm fairly tough when it comes to shrugging off someone's opinions but when he said that they wanted their children to have the childhood that she didn't have something inside me died.

That is a terrible experience.When someone does something so hurtful to you personally without any reason that you can understand it is a form of abuse.You learn to live with it but the damage is permanent.I hope your daughter is alright.

 

[shopperholic]

Definitely. A happy & secure childhood is the most important time of our life because it's wonderful when it's happening & gives us a book of memories for the future along with values, ambitions & hope. I think we achieved that happy medium & raised two children who have gone on to be kind, hard-working & thoroughly decent members of society. Unfortunately, over the past decade the once solid relationship I shared with older daughter has faded; she's married to a man who clearly dislikes me & there's no recognition of any aspect of her life before they met. I think I'm fairly tough when it comes to shrugging off someone's opinions but when he said that they wanted their children to have the childhood that she didn't have something inside me died.

Oh no, he sounds like a nasty piece of work and a master manipulator. Over the years we’ve conversed on here T, I can not for the life of me understand why he’d dislike you except for one reason and that’s to control your daughter. I certainly hope she sees sense and realises that if he really loved her, he wouldn’t cause a rift between mother and daughter especially one that has a sacred bond that you both shared and to say that about her childhood is just plain vile. All you can do is be there for her now and hope that she has the strength and courage to come back to you and Mr T.

 

[Twilight]

That is a terrible experience.When someone does something so hurtful to you personally without any reason that you can understand it is a form of abuse.You learn to live with it but the damage is permanent.I hope your daughter is alright.

She's totally happy, adores him & her children; he's a devoted & hands on father, an excellent cook & is what my mum would have called a good provider. When the first lockdown ended they insisted that we could only meet them to go for a walk, eventually this changed seeing them in their garden but with 2 metre distancing; we live over 90 miles away & the thought of two journeys on the M5 just to go for a walk & finding a loo at a service station was too much. I said that if I couldn't hug the children, they are 6 & 4, I'd rather wait until life was back to normal before seeing them, consequently this has meant that I haven't met our youngest grandchild who was born in June. Even when my husband was very ill last year there was no concern for how it affected me or our younger daughter, who is also ignored. I remained a daughter when I became a wife & then a mum, I don't feel that she has.

 

[Silver Fox]

It must be so sad when there are divisions in a family.I having no family, either siblings or children of my own tend to think and be envious of secure happy extended families but this is often not the case.I knew of someone who was cut off from their son seemingly because of his wife ( details not known) and one day they were told by someone they knew in the street that the Son and family had emigrated to Australia.They did return but relations were never restored.

 

[Vienna]

I always loved my Mum but there were times in my life when I didn`t like her. Don`t get me wrong, I would have walked over hot coals for her and she for me and to this day I miss her and was devastated when she died in 1987.
As I`ve grown older and raised 3 sons of my own then I can look back and understand why sometimes she was the way she was. She was frequently impatient, bad tempered and I can`t remember many hugs or cuddles from her and she`d think nothing of giving us a clip around the earhole for the most minor thing.
As a child I couldn`t appreciate just how much she coped with and how hard it must have been and looking back I see my late sister had it much tougher than I did. Mum had my older brother and sister with a 3 year gap between them and then 7 years later she fell pregnant with me. I was totally unplanned but back in 50`s family planning was easier said than done and a bigger shock was yet to come.
I was just 9 months old when Mum discovered she was pregnant again and after an awful pregnancy my younger brother was born. A sickly child who right from word go, ailed everything under the Sun and who needed several surgeries for various health issues.
We didn`t have a car, there were no mod cons such as automatic washers, fridge freezers, online supermarket food shops, microwaves and so on. Everything was physical hard slog and time consuming and my Dad worked from 6am to 6pm but with 4 kids and a house to pay for and upkeep, money was always tight.
I was still only a baby when my brother was born, I was just 18 months old and my Mum always said many years later that she had to put me down to pick him up because he was such a sick child and she`d always felt guilty about that. Hospitals were very strict, she couldn`t take me with her, none of Mum`s sisters lived nearby so couldn`t help out so my sister, as young as she was, got the job of caring for me, she`d only be 8 or 9 herself.
Even around looking after us, cooking and cleaning, visiting my brother in hospital etc Mum worked 2 cleaning jobs, one at 5am before Dad left for work and one at 5pm when my sis was home from school and could care for me and start prepping the tea.
My sister was my second Mum and she taught me to read before I started school and took me everywhere with her. When I began school my sister was at secondary school and even with homework and having to travel there, she was still spending much of her teenage years minding me and helping out with everything else.
By the time sis married I was 14, my older brother was also married and Mum and Dad were in a better financial position, Mum was working full time plus my younger brother`s health was much better but around that time my Mum was diagnosed with a serious heart condition and for the next few years her health quickly deteriorated. We`d become close by then and we`d spent time together, me as a teen and her as a much mellowed less stressed parent.
I left school at 16 and by then Mum was unable to work and my wages helped out. When i married and had my older 2 sons by then I was in my 20`s, she was never able to run around after toddlers or get down on the floor and play with them or lift and carry them. Her heart was failing fast and even minor exertion made her turn blue in the face. It was my turn then to look after 2 boisterous boys, both under school age, take care of my house and to help look after Mum and do the jobs she could no longer manage. She tried to be fiercely independent and still did all her own cooking, washing and ironing but other jobs were beyond her. Life had gone full circle and it made me realise how tough things had been for her and why she was so often impatient and bad tempered. She`d been knackered, worn out, stressed, not enough hours in a day and worrying if one of her children would live or die.
I was 33 when she died and had just had my third unplanned but greatly loved son a few months earlier and he never knew his Gran. My older sister , my second Mum did as she always did and held us all together and organised everything. My Dad was floundering and didn`t have a clue how to properly look after himself, Mum had always done it for him.
I`ve tried my best to be a good parent but I firmly believe there is no such thing as a perfect parent, it`s a learning curve, we make mistakes, we learn from them and sometimes life throws us a curve ball which makes us do or say things we wouldn`t normally have done. I think it`s often the same for our children, especially when they become adults. I was widowed at 49 and my youngest son was still a teenager, had lived seeing his Dad deteriorate and die a dreadful death with cancer and had seen me try to work a full time job, keep my house ticking over and pay my bills whilst trying to care for a dying man. Maybe I should have had more time for my son or more understanding of how he was feeling or how he was coping but I was swimming against the tide, frantically trying to keep afloat and there were many days when I felt I was failing with everything.
After his Dad died my relationship with my youngest son hit a rocky patch, he was just 17, he became argumentative, difficult to talk to and frequently he was very hurtful in the things he said. He was grieving, as was I and we were the blind leading the blind and not knowing which direction either of us were going in. Thankfully we worked through it and I think back to a friend of mine who was terminally ill and who wrote her own eulogy before she died.
In it she said " if I have ever hurt any of you here today then I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me and if any of you here today have ever hurt me then rest assured I know that today you will be sorry about it and I want you to know I forgive you too so we can all be cool can`t we and just get on with what needs to be done ". I`d say very similar when my turn comes.

 

[Twilight]

Vienna, the only I can write are thank you.

 

[China Girl]

Vienna, I don't know what to say, other than I hope your life is a happy one now, or at least as much as it can be.
During my many years as a mental health nurse, I learned of so many heartbreaking stories, broken people with broken lives.
Find some positivity in every day if you can, and laugh at silly things......as we all do on here regarding all things Q

 

[Twilight]

It must be so sad when there are divisions in a family.I having no family, either siblings or children of my own tend to think and be envious of secure happy extended families but this is often not the case.I knew of someone who was cut off from their son seemingly because of his wife ( details not known) and one day they were told by someone they knew in the street that the Son and family had emigrated to Australia.They did return but relations were never restored.

That's awful. It's very sad when family dynamics change, I wouldn't have chosen my Mr T's ma to be my mother in law but I would never have hurt her feelings, insulted her or taken her son away. I was accepted but felt that was as far as her feelings went, however, just before Christmas I found a small jewellery box inside one I hadn't looked in for years & inside was a heart pendant she'd bought me more than 30 years ago. It's yellow gold & the chain's very fine, these will stop me from wearing it, but choosing it for me must show that I meant something to her, I just wish I'd known it at the time.

 

[Twilight]

Vienna, the only I can write are thank you.

* words I can write...

 

[Twilight]

Oh no, he sounds like a nasty piece of work and a master manipulator. Over the years we’ve conversed on here T, I can not for the life of me understand why he’d dislike you except for one reason and that’s to control your daughter. I certainly hope she sees sense and realises that if he really loved her, he wouldn’t cause a rift between mother and daughter especially one that has a sacred bond that you both shared and to say that about her childhood is just plain vile. All you can do is be there for her now and hope that she has the strength and courage to come back to you and Mr T.

Thank you Shopps, from the bottom of my heart

 

[Vienna]

Vienna, I don't know what to say, other than I hope your life is a happy one now, or at least as much as it can be.
During my many years as a mental health nurse, I learned of so many heartbreaking stories, broken people with broken lives.
Find some positivity in every day if you can, and laugh at silly things......as we all do on here regarding all things Q

Thanks CC I`m doing just fine. I had a wonderful first hubby who I sadly lost far too soon and now I have my Mr V who lost his first wife under similar circumstances so we`re both in tune with each other. My sons are all grown up now and settled with their partners plus I have 2 wonderful grandchildren. Yep things have frequently been tough but its only by surviving the bad things in life that you doubly appreciate the good things.

 

[Brissles]

I know that autism has been brought to the fore in the past few decades, but for the life of me I cannot ever remember being at school in the 50's and 60's, or growing up with anyone who had issues that is now considered to be autistic.

 

[Vienna]

I know that autism has been brought to the fore in the past few decades, but for the life of me I cannot ever remember being at school in the 50's and 60's, or growing up with anyone who had issues that is now considered to be autistic.

Me neither but I don`t think when we were kids we were put under a microscope as they are now, educationally I mean.
We went to Primary school, took the 11 plus and then went on to either a Grammar school or a Secondary Modern where we did O`levels or CSE`s as they were called. I don`t remember assessments or anything else other than an end of school year report.
Most of my friends left school at 16 the same as I did and started work. I went to night classes at a local Technical College to do A levels, my brother who was an apprentice mechanic went there on day release and other friends went to learn shorthand and typing or if they were trainee hairdressers they also went on day release. I can`t remember any of us staying on at school or going to Uni.
Nowadays many don`t finish their education until their mid 20`s, some even later than that and from the minute they go to school it seems to be one assessment after another.

 

[SusieSue]

I know that autism has been brought to the fore in the past few decades, but for the life of me I cannot ever remember being at school in the 50's and 60's, or growing up with anyone who had issues that is now considered to be autistic.

I was in school in the 60's and 70's and we had never heard of ADHC or what ever it's call, when I was at school if a child was incapable of paying attention ten minutes in the headmaster's office soon sorted it out, then we had the bleeding heart brigades that took all the power away from teaching staff and handed it to the kids.

I wonder how many childhood conditions or syndromes are invented by drug companies, there's a lot of money to be made selling tablets to keep kids under control.

 

[loujareth]

I have an Aspergers 20 y/o son, he does well considering, he was professionally diagnosed and they mentioned his dad probably was/is (he's 62 now) but of course he was just considered a specky four eyed sci fi fan with high intelligence. My lad has had counsilling and schooling around his autism which has considerably made a difference. He's a final year uni student top of his group but has difficulty socialising. It still gets to me how hubbies parents never knew why he was different and treated his interests with distain, his grandparents were better parents than they ever were, giving him interesting and challeging things to do throughout his childhood.