New Selling Technique

[maymorganlondon]

I feel really sad reading that.

Oh, me too.
Children need to feel loved, and the words help.

My mum's family were physically & verbally demonstrative, my dad's were quite reserved; he was the youngest of five & it was obvious that he was the only one to marry into a warm family. We've always told each other & our girls how much we love each other, never ended the day on an argument or left the house in a mood with each other. Nursery is closed so I'm back to granddaughter sitting two days a week We were watching Moana (again) today & I told her that I loved her, without taking her eyes from the screen she replied that she loved the green lady - Te Fiti, well how could I compete with someone who created the islands of Polynesia?

Moana was a new discovery for me over Christmas.
Expressing our love for each other gets easier with practice, I find.

 

[shopperholic]

My mum's family were physically & verbally demonstrative, my dad's were quite reserved; he was the youngest of five & it was obvious that he was the only one to marry into a warm family. We've always told each other & our girls how much we love each other, never ended the day on an argument or left the house in a mood with each other. Nursery is closed so I'm back to granddaughter sitting two days a week We were watching Moana (again) today & I told her that I loved her, without taking her eyes from the screen she replied that she loved the green lady - Te Fiti, well how could I compete with someone who created the islands of Polynesia?

Aw that’s so cute
She probably only said she loves the green lady because she knows her love for you goes without saying. xx

I know I couldn’t compete with Haydns favourites, unless I could borrow a black cape and black mask with pointy ears, spin webs while leaping tall buildings or became blue, spikey and could run extremely fast

 

[Twilight]

Moana was a new discovery for me over Christmas.
Expressing our love for each other gets easier with practice, I find.

I love that film, I'm almost word perfect on 'You're Welcome' & cried the first time I saw her walking towards Te Ka. Little granddaughter is also very keen on Frozen but it makes me feel cold - clever use of colours.

Aw that’s so cute
She probably only said she loves the green lady because she knows her love for you goes without saying. xx

I know I couldn’t compete with Haydns favourites, unless I could borrow a black cape and black mask with pointy ears, spin webs while leaping tall buildings or became blue, spikey and could run extremely fast

 

[shopperholic]

I’ll take the first and third but I’ll er, give the second one a miss thanks T, I haven’t got the strength

 

[Deleted member 21102]

What does that mean, calliealbert?

 

[maymorganlondon]

What does that mean, calliealbert?

I reckon it's some of the sales ploys.
Create a spirious problem that the product you are selling happens to solve.

The whole don't miss out, phones are going crazy, we are approaching limited stock, such and such a celebrity swears by... all ways to bypass critical thinking, tap into FOMO and get us to buy what we don't need, with money many can't afford, for goods that are usually cheaper elsewhere.

In the pre-selly telly days, just think of the feeding frenzy that used to occur on certain products, with tug of war and fighting by people wanting what others have picked to buy...or the ridiculous behaviours of some individuals on Black Friday. There are some basic human failings that you can use to sell, sell, sell. They work, so companies won't stop using them any time soon.

 

[Brissles]

I don’t ever remember anyone saying anything loving to me during my childhood.

good behaviour was expected so no praise given and bad behaviour was punished.

I feel really sad writing that.

I doubt if you were loved any less LATI than those who profess love all the time. It was a different era then. I would get lots of cuddles as a child from Mum, but Dad was much less tactile - and yes good behaviour was instilled in us so discipline was dished out when we misbehaved. When the "love you" mantra arrived from America, everyone was at it, and I remember as an adult when Mum said it down the phone, I thought "what the hell is up with her ?" Now its the norm, and though I have it said to me by some relatives I feel its more of an 'add on' in conversation.

 

[maymorganlondon]

I doubt if you were loved any less LATI than those who profess love all the time. It was a different era then. I would get lots of cuddles as a child from Mum, but Dad was much less tactile - and yes good behaviour was instilled in us so discipline was dished out when we misbehaved. When the "love you" mantra arrived from America, everyone was at it, and I remember as an adult when Mum said it down the phone, I thought "what the hell is up with her ?" Now its the norm, and though I have it said to me by some relatives I feel its more of an 'add on' in conversation.

I agree about different eras expressing love in different ways.
Take care was how we would end conversations, but we really meant I love you. My brother and I are more likely to say I love you now than back in the days of our youth.
I look back on my dad, who expressed his love by making things for us, or with us.
He made my brother a skateboard. He made me a desk. Just two examples. I don't have all the things we made or mended or painted, but I have memories of quality time spent with dad, learning things which stand me in good stead as an adult. I have no doubt he loved us dearly...just by asking us to help him with jobs around the house and garden, or taking us swimming or walking.

 

[Brissles]

My Dad too never used flowery expressions of love - he was a coal miner for God's sake, so not given to the hearts and roses of life, BUT we knew we were loved, little acts like the sneaky 6d he would give me with a wink as he came off the night shift just as I was going to school. And when I lost my husband 20 years ago, my Dad stood at the funeral graveside with me with his arms wrapped around me, no words were needed, but I knew.

 

[shopperholic]

I doubt if you were loved any less LATI than those who profess love all the time. It was a different era then. I would get lots of cuddles as a child from Mum, but Dad was much less tactile - and yes good behaviour was instilled in us so discipline was dished out when we misbehaved. When the "love you" mantra arrived from America, everyone was at it, and I remember as an adult when Mum said it down the phone, I thought "what the hell is up with her ?" Now its the norm, and though I have it said to me by some relatives I feel its more of an 'add on' in conversation.

Believe me when I say in our family “love you” is certainly not an “add on” My sons and husband nearly lost me to cervical cancer at 28 so you never know what you’ve got till it’s (nearly) gone. As for my “mother” she never showed it or said it so no, neither me my brother or sister (who emigrated to Canada 35 years ago to get away from her) certainly didn’t know it. My mother said to me once, before we became estranged ten years ago, that she’s never loved anyone, which just confirmed what I already knew. I swore when I was younger that if ever I started a family they’d never question if they’re loved, so we say it and we show it, because we've learned by example, I say “we” because the husbands mother was exactly the same, never showed it or said it and she’s only 19 years older than him and his sister. We tell our family every single chance we get that we love them, as they do to us, because you never know, especially now, when that time comes were you’ll never get the chance to say it, or God forbid hear it, again.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Lovely Shopps.

I imagine a very unhappy marriage didn’t help, too much energy into just getting through each day both economically and emotionally but it’s all water under the bridge now as they have both passed.

 

[Twilight]

Believe me when I say in our family “love you” is certainly not an “add on” My sons and husband nearly lost me to cervical cancer at 28 so you never know what you’ve got till it’s (nearly) gone. As for my “mother” she never showed it or said it so no, neither me my brother or sister (who emigrated to Canada 35 years ago to get away from her) certainly didn’t know it. My mother said to me once, before we became estranged ten years ago, that she’s never loved anyone, which just confirmed what I already knew. I swore when I was younger that if ever I started a family they’d never question if they’re loved, so we say it and we show it, because we've learned by example, I say “we” because the husbands mother was exactly the same, never showed it or said it and she’s only 19 years older than him and his sister. We tell our family every single chance we get that we love them, as they do to us, because you never know, especially now, when that time comes were you’ll never get the chance to say it, or God forbid hear it, again.

I can appreciate that if you've been hurt by someone you loved it would be very hard to trust again. I can also understand people not being close to their relatives, even their siblings. However, I can't comprehend that a woman doesn't love her child. After the birth there are many reasons why she may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility & PND obviously messes with emotions but it's unconditional love & a bond that can't be broken. It's a tragedy if someone who wasn't loved by a parent is the same when they have children, it's a triumph when that person becomes an outstanding one.

 

[shopperholic]

Lovely Shopps.

I imagine a very unhappy marriage didn’t help, too much energy into just getting through each day both economically and emotionally but it’s all water under the bridge now as they have both passed.

When you’re young you think it’s something you’ve done that makes them act like that, it’s not till your older you realise it’s them, not you after all xx

I can appreciate that if you've been hurt by someone you loved it would be very hard to trust again. I can also understand people not being close to their relatives, even their siblings. However, I can't comprehend that a woman doesn't love her child. After the birth there are many reasons why she may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility & PND obviously messes with emotions but it's unconditional love & a bond that can't be broken. It's a tragedy if someone who wasn't loved by a parent is the same when they have children, it's a triumph when that person becomes an outstanding one.

xx

 

[SusieSue]

I have two sisters one 10 years older than me, one eight years older.

I was an unwanted accident especially as not only was I a another girl, I contracted Rubella aged three and ended up severely hearing impaired.

One of my earliest memories is of me giving my mother a cuddle and she unwrapped my skinny little arms from around her and turned her back.

She never told me she loved me, she told me more that once that having me ruined her life.

 

[Twilight]

I have two sisters one 10 years older than me, one eight years older.

I was an unwanted accident especially as not only was I a another girl, I contracted Rubella aged three and ended up severely hearing impaired.

One of my earliest memories is of me giving my mother a cuddle and she unwrapped my skinny little arms from around her and turned her back.

She never told me she loved me, she told me more that once that having me ruined her life.

Love is shown in many ways; I enjoy words & have always told those I care about how much I love them, I'm also quite tactile & have found social distancing quite a challenge. Others can't put their feelings into words but express them in other ways, as MMl & Brissles have described. Never telling your child that you love her & saying that she ruined your life is evil. I hope that during your childhood you had a special person who made up for her failings.

 

[donna255]

I was an accident too, 11 years after my brother who was the.golden one. I remember clearly when visiting my brother and sil in Canada with my.mum. I could not sleep as it was.so warm and hearing my mum and sil talking.

My mum said I was an accident and they were convinced I would be a boy. So a double kicker for me. My mum and dad did not really get on. When I turned out to be a girl they had no name for.me. It was.the doctor in the hospital it seems named me. I remember my.aunt telling me no one taught.me how to clean my teeth as a child. She had to do it when minding me as my.mum and dad worked fulltime. I always thought my brother and cousins were loved more than me.

 

[Twilight]

I was an accident too, 11 years after my brother who was the.golden one. I remember clearly when visiting my brother and sil in Canada with my.mum. I could not sleep as it was.so warm and hearing my mum and sil talking.

My mum said I was an accident and they were convinced I would be a boy. So a double kicker for me. My mum and dad did not really get on. When I turned out to be a girl they had no name for.me. It was.the doctor in the hospital it seems named me. I remember my.aunt telling me no one taught.me how to clean my teeth as a child. She had to do it when minding me as my.mum and dad worked fulltime. I always thought my brother and cousins were loved more than me.

That's really sad Donna. My mum wanted a boy & the fact that my twin brother didn't survive was obviously devastating for my parents. Even though many of my birth cards contain words of commiseration that I was a girl, & I'm described in the one from my aunt as 'It', she was a wonderful mum, cherished me & is much missed.

 

[Anna]

I always loved my Mum but there were times in my life when I didn`t like her. Don`t get me wrong, I would have walked over hot coals for her and she for me and to this day I miss her and was devastated when she died in 1987.
As I`ve grown older and raised 3 sons of my own then I can look back and understand why sometimes she was the way she was. She was frequently impatient, bad tempered and I can`t remember many hugs or cuddles from her and she`d think nothing of giving us a clip around the earhole for the most minor thing.
As a child I couldn`t appreciate just how much she coped with and how hard it must have been and looking back I see my late sister had it much tougher than I did. Mum had my older brother and sister with a 3 year gap between them and then 7 years later she fell pregnant with me. I was totally unplanned but back in 50`s family planning was easier said than done and a bigger shock was yet to come.
I was just 9 months old when Mum discovered she was pregnant again and after an awful pregnancy my younger brother was born. A sickly child who right from word go, ailed everything under the Sun and who needed several surgeries for various health issues.
We didn`t have a car, there were no mod cons such as automatic washers, fridge freezers, online supermarket food shops, microwaves and so on. Everything was physical hard slog and time consuming and my Dad worked from 6am to 6pm but with 4 kids and a house to pay for and upkeep, money was always tight.
I was still only a baby when my brother was born, I was just 18 months old and my Mum always said many years later that she had to put me down to pick him up because he was such a sick child and she`d always felt guilty about that. Hospitals were very strict, she couldn`t take me with her, none of Mum`s sisters lived nearby so couldn`t help out so my sister, as young as she was, got the job of caring for me, she`d only be 8 or 9 herself.
Even around looking after us, cooking and cleaning, visiting my brother in hospital etc Mum worked 2 cleaning jobs, one at 5am before Dad left for work and one at 5pm when my sis was home from school and could care for me and start prepping the tea.
My sister was my second Mum and she taught me to read before I started school and took me everywhere with her. When I began school my sister was at secondary school and even with homework and having to travel there, she was still spending much of her teenage years minding me and helping out with everything else.
By the time sis married I was 14, my older brother was also married and Mum and Dad were in a better financial position, Mum was working full time plus my younger brother`s health was much better but around that time my Mum was diagnosed with a serious heart condition and for the next few years her health quickly deteriorated. We`d become close by then and we`d spent time together, me as a teen and her as a much mellowed less stressed parent.
I left school at 16 and by then Mum was unable to work and my wages helped out. When i married and had my older 2 sons by then I was in my 20`s, she was never able to run around after toddlers or get down on the floor and play with them or lift and carry them. Her heart was failing fast and even minor exertion made her turn blue in the face. It was my turn then to look after 2 boisterous boys, both under school age, take care of my house and to help look after Mum and do the jobs she could no longer manage. She tried to be fiercely independent and still did all her own cooking, washing and ironing but other jobs were beyond her. Life had gone full circle and it made me realise how tough things had been for her and why she was so often impatient and bad tempered. She`d been knackered, worn out, stressed, not enough hours in a day and worrying if one of her children would live or die.
I was 33 when she died and had just had my third unplanned but greatly loved son a few months earlier and he never knew his Gran. My older sister , my second Mum did as she always did and held us all together and organised everything. My Dad was floundering and didn`t have a clue how to properly look after himself, Mum had always done it for him.
I`ve tried my best to be a good parent but I firmly believe there is no such thing as a perfect parent, it`s a learning curve, we make mistakes, we learn from them and sometimes life throws us a curve ball which makes us do or say things we wouldn`t normally have done. I think it`s often the same for our children, especially when they become adults. I was widowed at 49 and my youngest son was still a teenager, had lived seeing his Dad deteriorate and die a dreadful death with cancer and had seen me try to work a full time job, keep my house ticking over and pay my bills whilst trying to care for a dying man. Maybe I should have had more time for my son or more understanding of how he was feeling or how he was coping but I was swimming against the tide, frantically trying to keep afloat and there were many days when I felt I was failing with everything.
After his Dad died my relationship with my youngest son hit a rocky patch, he was just 17, he became argumentative, difficult to talk to and frequently he was very hurtful in the things he said. He was grieving, as was I and we were the blind leading the blind and not knowing which direction either of us were going in. Thankfully we worked through it and I think back to a friend of mine who was terminally ill and who wrote her own eulogy before she died.
In it she said " if I have ever hurt any of you here today then I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me and if any of you here today have ever hurt me then rest assured I know that today you will be sorry about it and I want you to know I forgive you too so we can all be cool can`t we and just get on with what needs to be done ". I`d say very similar when my turn comes.

Vienna, beautifully written and beautifully expressed.

 

[Anna]

I have two sisters one 10 years older than me, one eight years older.

I was an unwanted accident especially as not only was I a another girl, I contracted Rubella aged three and ended up severely hearing impaired.

One of my earliest memories is of me giving my mother a cuddle and she unwrapped my skinny little arms from around her and turned her back.

She never told me she loved me, she told me more that once that having me ruined her life.

Ah, SusieSue, how truly awful and sad. A big hug from me to you .