Now we know.....

[SusieJ]

I cannot even imagine how anyone would cope with the loss of a child and irreplaceable is not even the right word.

When my beloved dogs have died, yes I have got another but it is a new soul to care for, not a replacement for the one lost. Death is sadly a hole that can never be filled.

CC

Believe me, I understand that people get very very attached to their pets, and that they can be a wonderful companion for many. I have seen children truly heartbroken by a loss of a pet. But I suppose that as a farmer's daughter, my perspective is slightly different to many on here. I think my grandfather as a shepherd spent as much time with his faithful dogs as he did with my grandmother, and yes, he was always very sad when they passed. But owning a dog, you understand that their lifespan won't be as long as yours, that's just nature. And I quite get it that a new dog is a new soul, but you can get a new one and the children I saw heartbroken would embrace a new pet and suddenly, life was good again. A child you fully expect to outlive you, and when the natural order is disrupted, it's tragic. So yes, irreplaceable is the right word in that case, but not the only word of course.

 

[Twilight]

At 72 and my little heartbeat being 7, I pray I have her with me for another 6-7 years - which will take me to almost 80, and then I'm done. My biggest fear is 'going' before her, and living alone its the stuff of nightmares that something could happen and I wouldn't be found for quite a while, which means my little dog would be wandering around the house with no food etc. I just keep thinking positive and cling on to the hope that we're growing old together.

Your words have made me go cold. There must be someone who would check if you weren't seen or heard from for a couple of days. When a friend's husband died suddenly last year, & she was flattened by the shock, we came up with the idea of me checking that her front bedroom curtains were open by a certain time every morning. I'll now look for you on here daily to ensure that you're up & about

 

[alter ego]

Oh boy!

Mr. AE tells me this would be my Mastermind subject as I don't shut up about it.

I don't give a crap what anyone wants to wear/call themselves. I volunteered for years with our LHB AIDS helpline, primarily helping gay men. Have been the friend that others have come out to first over the years because I've been willing to talk about anything remotely taboo (including homosexuality) as I've never understood why things like that are/were taboo. I now bang the drum for menopause which is apparently another taboo.

Hmmm... is this why people cringe when I start talking?

However. I draw the line at men identifying as women using women's toilets and changing rooms simply because I've first (and second) hand experience with a man in the Ladies flashing. Younger women use the loos as a bit of a sanctuary at times (does anyone else remember putting their arm around a friend with a broken heart who wouldn't want the world to know she's upset?), are frequently ashamed of their periods (I never understood this but from what I read boys and young men are actually shaming girls for having a period now - they should be so lucky they never encountered me as a teen!) and want privacy, especially if they've had a leak. Muslim women need to wash before prayers and adjust their hijab. They don't particularly want to share sreas they consider a private place with any men no matter what they wear and neither do I. Too much risk and opportunity for even just the odd bloke hiding cameras etc. Not to mention the really odd ones that actually post on chat rooms that they've been in the Ladies and urinated on the seats and toilet rolls.

There are so many reasons a man should not be using women's spaces and the fact that they 'feel' like a woman is not an excuse to let them.

S tone wall (I have to type spaces as they search for postings like mine then 'doxx' people) is causing massive disruption over this. Jobs are being lost and women speakers told they've been struck off list for speaking openly of keeping women's spaces for women. They're not the only charity doing this but they're the most well-known. They've gone into organisations and government departments and demanded change for the teeny percentage of men wanting to us all to change for them. However, the EHRC is the latest organisation to wake up and smell the BS and have left them.

Earlier this year Lord Hunt made a great speech in The Lords standing up for women. The Maternity Bill is also saving the NHS a great deal of money by saying that the word 'mother' is lawfull and should remain. No ****, Sherlock! Though several Trusts are insisting on going ahead and changing the language (again at huge cost to the NHS) around not only maternity services but all services where women are concerned.

It all starts small with the S 'charity' insisting that the word 'gender' by used rather than 'sex' which starts a confusion. The hooha around the Census this year had the forms rushed through on the hush then changed (at taxpayer's cost) after complaints. Anyone can use any gender they like but we are all one of just two sexes.

This is a problem as men saying they're women when arrested for flashing etc., are recorded as a female having committed the crime which skews figures. The same figures are used by statisticians who provide figures for medical-related sectors that use them for drugs and medical services that affect us all.

Men can also ask to be housed in women's prisons even if their crime is rape. Refuges can't turn away men saying they're women despite the women already there have been traumatised by their experiences and are trying to escape from men.

It's a huge fight that's happening very much in the background so the more people actually get to know what's really happening is important (or should be at least to women). Long story short, though, women are STILL protected by law and the Equalities Act 2010. Despite S insisting otherwise we can still request our own spaces and services.

However, if you do, be careful as a lady called M arion M i ll ar (again spaced to avoid searches) in Scotland has recently been arrested for Tweeting a photo of a suffragette ribbon tied to a fence. It looked like a noose and offended apparently. It looked like a. Her Twitter account has been removed but Twitter accounts showing collections of guns, baseball bats wrapped with barbed wire and machetes threatening violence to her (the same people who made the same threats to JK Rowling) and her followers are still up. If you want more info the wonderful (and funny) Father Ted writer, G Line han (spaced) has loads of interesting info on his site if you Google him.

What with all this and the incel, Mens Rights Activist and how to pull (then rape) sites out there, it's a thoroughly unpleasant world young women are heading for. Luckily, there are still men like Mr. AE (and other husbands on here) and most of the men we all know (even those that have always quietly dressed as women) are not like this and would never dream of treating women like the odd few (but increasing) number of men out there these days.

Sorry for the long, boring rant but I hope it answered a few questions. Even though it's late, I'm not feeling great and should have gone to bed ages ago so I could have made more sense and less of a hash than I have in the morning!

 

[alter ego]

Support because of centuries of suffering ? I don't really know, Clothescloth

Indeed they have. And are still persecuted and imprisoned all over the world today.

What I find really chilling these days are men who can't accept lesbians. Gay men seem to have been far more easily accepted than gat women over the last few decades. There are men posting on Twitter happily threatening to rape lesbians that say no to them (and many wear women's clothes and want to use women's spaces). Lesbians have even been attacked at Pride events.

The younger men that physically attack lesbian couples while they're out minding their own business are despicable.

 

[Grizelda]

Indeed they have. And are still persecuted and imprisoned all over the world today.

What I find really chilling these days are men who can't accept lesbians. Gay men seem to have been far more easily accepted than gat women over the last few decades. There are men posting on Twitter happily threatening to rape lesbians that say no to them (and many wear women's clothes and want to use women's spaces). Lesbians have even been attacked at Pride events.

The younger men that physically attack lesbian couples while they're out minding their own business are despicable.

So many maladjusted people in the world (e.g. men who can't accept lesbians.) I hope, however, that overall, the good outweighs the evil.

 

[Vienna]

The World`s gone mad in my opinion and the slightest thing is jumped upon and people are accused of being sexist/homophobic/ racist/anti this or anti that etc for the slightest thing. Yes there are homophobic people around and yes there are people who are sexist, racist or anti whatever but there are also many people who are accused of being so and for the slightest comment which is meant to be far from offensive except to those who have nothing better to do than jump on other peoples every word.
So many folks seem to have massive chips on their shoulders, so many folks expect their rights to be acknowledged with a fanfare whilst they themselves condemn everybody else`s rights as being wrong.
People are no longer deemed suitable for a job by their experience or qualifications but by employers want to be seen to have diversity. Even Cressida Dick in last week`s news spoke out that more black officers should be employed than white officers.
I once sat on an interview panel and we chose who we all agreed was the best candidate. The day afterwards the one black candidate we`d interviewed rang and said she was making a complaint to HQ because in her opinion she should have got the job but didn`t get it because we were racist. NO NO NO NO, she simply wasn`t the best for the job and that was it !
As for re writing history by wrecking statues, monuments, buildings etc, of course things in the past weren`t always right and of course in past decades Queens were beheaded for no good reasons, or slaves were bought and sold, working conditions were terrible, children suffered, jews were gassed, millions were slaughtered in the name of a religion, men controlled everything, women were commodities, people starved to death, and so on and so on and so on. It was all wrong but it happened and instead of trying to wipe out all knowledge of it, they should bring that knowledge to the forefront and ensure such things are never repeated by educating the next generations.
I`m all for people being able to define their own sexuality and live accordingly but not to use it as a stick to beat the rest of us with. I don`t care who is gay, who isn`t and who lives with and loves whoever but I identify as a woman and much the same as them, I want my identity recognised and my rights recognised that as a woman I don`t want any human being with a penis sharing my toilet space, changing room space, public showers etc in fact any intimate space, unless it is my own husband and even then I want to choose for myself whether I want even my husband in it.
I could ramble on for pages but I won`t and my final comments are to the rest of the World, get on with life, get over yourselves, everybody has people who agree or disagree with how they live, grow a backbone and have the courage of your convictions, dont try to hide behind them or use them as a stick to beat others.

 

[Brissles]

Your words have made me go cold. There must be someone who would check if you weren't seen or heard from for a couple of days. When a friend's husband died suddenly last year, & she was flattened by the shock, we came up with the idea of me checking that her front bedroom curtains were open by a certain time every morning. I'll now look for you on here daily to ensure that you're up & about

Bless your heart for that . It wasn't my intention to get sympathy, but its the reality for a lot of us - and its good to get these thoughts of my chest.

Yes, I have neighbours, who go out to work, and others work from home, but by and large it could still be a couple of days or more before it would click with anyone that my curtains hadn't been opened. My brother calls once a week, and I chat to friends too. The bottom line is, despite me being mobile and still active, being of an age and living alone, you have to be more careful around the home i.e. taking time coming down the stairs, being careful getting out of the bath/shower, and being mindful about clearing walkways of obstacles, but you still pray to God that nothing happens during the night and you wake up in the morning.

 

[Brissles]

VIENNA, your comment should be printed in every newspaper. Talk to anyone on the street and its what almost 100% of the population believe., and you highlighted perfectly how the lives of us Britons in centuries past weren't exactly a bowl of cherries. Kids sent up chimneys, 13 year olds working down the coal mines, women having to defer to their husbands as soon as they married. Like you say the list is endless, and then we get that plonker Gareth Southgate almost bullying his England players to 'take the knee' and said that 'those that don't should question themselves' - so those that refuse to do so might think if they don't might not get picked to play for their country ! Outrageous, yet idiot Lineker agreed with him. I long ago stopped buying Walkers crisps. Sorry, gone off on a tangent again.

 

[Silver Fox]

So agree with Vienna you are almost afraid to speak these days, so pleased I am retired not having to watch my every move/ word in the workplace! Is it a byproduct of the pandemic but people seem to moan about their lot when they have nothing to complain about? I was asked this morning how I had managed during lockdowns, well I just got on with it and accepted the situation, fortunately had no ill health though.

 

[Silver Fox]

Bless your heart for that . It wasn't my intention to get sympathy, but its the reality for a lot of us - and its good to get these thoughts of my chest.

Yes, I have neighbours, who go out to work, and others work from home, but by and large it could still be a couple of days or more before it would click with anyone that my curtains hadn't been opened. My brother calls once a week, and I chat to friends too. The bottom line is, despite me being mobile and still active, being of an age and living alone, you have to be more careful around the home i.e. taking time coming down the stairs, being careful getting out of the bath/shower, and being mindful about clearing walkways of obstacles, but you still pray to God that nothing happens during the night and you wake up in the morning.

Yes it can be difficult living alone and I am sick and tired of listening to people who talk about ‘being on their own ‘and having nobody when they have a son or daughter around the corner and have a friend calling in several times a week.I am single ,have no close relatives or children of my own but a do have some nice neighbours but I do as much for them as they do for me.I must admit I don’t think too much about the future as I don’t want to spoil today.I have always been used to sorting myself out I either do it or pay someone else.I have friends but they have their own lives and I get sick and tired of being to one who does the phoning! I am quite sociable and am OK with going into company of people I don’t know.I recently had a day out ( coach tour) and am looking at short breaks in this country more to push myself as I can see it would be easy to sit at home.I give thanks my health ( touch wood!) is OK and am mobile but I experienced with the friend who died last year how life can change in a minute, literally.So Brissles look after yourself I had a counsellor last year after the bereavement because if you unload your concerns on some people they can make you feel 10 times worse by saying the daftest things!I am 74 now but 64 and holding!

 

[alter ego]

The World`s gone mad in my opinion and the slightest thing is jumped upon and people are accused of being sexist/homophobic/ racist/anti this or anti that etc for the slightest thing. Yes there are homophobic people around and yes there are people who are sexist, racist or anti whatever but there are also many people who are accused of being so and for the slightest comment which is meant to be far from offensive except to those who have nothing better to do than jump on other peoples every word.
So many folks seem to have massive chips on their shoulders, so many folks expect their rights to be acknowledged with a fanfare whilst they themselves condemn everybody else`s rights as being wrong.
People are no longer deemed suitable for a job by their experience or qualifications but by employers want to be seen to have diversity. Even Cressida Dick in last week`s news spoke out that more black officers should be employed than white officers.
I once sat on an interview panel and we chose who we all agreed was the best candidate. The day afterwards the one black candidate we`d interviewed rang and said she was making a complaint to HQ because in her opinion she should have got the job but didn`t get it because we were racist. NO NO NO NO, she simply wasn`t the best for the job and that was it !
As for re writing history by wrecking statues, monuments, buildings etc, of course things in the past weren`t always right and of course in past decades Queens were beheaded for no good reasons, or slaves were bought and sold, working conditions were terrible, children suffered, jews were gassed, millions were slaughtered in the name of a religion, men controlled everything, women were commodities, people starved to death, and so on and so on and so on. It was all wrong but it happened and instead of trying to wipe out all knowledge of it, they should bring that knowledge to the forefront and ensure such things are never repeated by educating the next generations.
I`m all for people being able to define their own sexuality and live accordingly but not to use it as a stick to beat the rest of us with. I don`t care who is gay, who isn`t and who lives with and loves whoever but I identify as a woman and much the same as them, I want my identity recognised and my rights recognised that as a woman I don`t want any human being with a penis sharing my toilet space, changing room space, public showers etc in fact any intimate space, unless it is my own husband and even then I want to choose for myself whether I want even my husband in it.
I could ramble on for pages but I won`t and my final comments are to the rest of the World, get on with life, get over yourselves, everybody has people who agree or disagree with how they live, grow a backbone and have the courage of your convictions, dont try to hide behind them or use them as a stick to beat others.

You said it so much better than I did.

And yes, best PERSON for the job regardless of sex, colour or any other variation in humanity.

And yes, we need to LEARN from history, NOT re-write it. Educate with the truth, not some prettied up version that suits those who shout the loudest.

 

[Twilight]

So many maladjusted people in the world (e.g. men who can't accept lesbians.) I hope, however, that overall, the good outweighs the evil.

After reading about a serving police officer's attendance (video link) in court today I'm holding onto your hope, mine has been sorely tested many times.

 

[Twilight]

Bless your heart for that . It wasn't my intention to get sympathy, but its the reality for a lot of us - and its good to get these thoughts of my chest.

Yes, I have neighbours, who go out to work, and others work from home, but by and large it could still be a couple of days or more before it would click with anyone that my curtains hadn't been opened. My brother calls once a week, and I chat to friends too. The bottom line is, despite me being mobile and still active, being of an age and living alone, you have to be more careful around the home i.e. taking time coming down the stairs, being careful getting out of the bath/shower, and being mindful about clearing walkways of obstacles, but you still pray to God that nothing happens during the night and you wake up in the morning.

Your words really worried me & that's a situation that could affect any of us. There was a bank holiday a couple of years ago when everyone I knew, including my Mr T, was away. I did wonder what would happen to Sox if I had an accident or was ill so put bowls of water & dried cat food in all the rooms for him.

 

[alter ego]

VIENNA, your comment should be printed in every newspaper. Talk to anyone on the street and its what almost 100% of the population believe., and you highlighted perfectly how the lives of us Britons in centuries past weren't exactly a bowl of cherries. Kids sent up chimneys, 13 year olds working down the coal mines, women having to defer to their husbands as soon as they married. Like you say the list is endless, and then we get that plonker Gareth Southgate almost bullying his England players to 'take the knee' and said that 'those that don't should question themselves' - so those that refuse to do so might think if they don't might not get picked to play for their country ! Outrageous, yet idiot Lineker agreed with him. I long ago stopped buying Walkers crisps. Sorry, gone off on a tangent again.

I do so love a tangent

I stopped buying Walkers after the stupid Lineker ads, too. Couldn't they have given the job to someone not rolling in money already? Do they think everyone buying their product is a football and Lineker fan?

This knee crap? I was told it stemmed from American footballers who had seen it on Game of Thrones (never watched it so no idea), but wherever it came from, please stop. I cringe whenever I see it. It's another form of bullying as far as I can see.

Football, as with most sports has different colours both playing and supporting. This inane knee-jerk reaction to BLM just to make yourselves look good is getting irritating now. If you want to help, stop reacting to the thugs that rile up racism on Twatter. Just report then block. Like normal people do when they've suffered ANY kind of bullying nonsense online or in life.

My grandfather started working down the mines at age 12. Died age 55 of 100% pneumoconiosis after suffering from and working through arthritis all his life. He'd get his pay on Friday evening and gave most of it back to the mine-owners on Saturday morning when the rent collector came around. The mine-owners were also the house owners (and pub owners, where a lot of the wages would be spent).

I took my mum to visit relatives in the Valleys and took her round Cardiff Castle and Castell Coch. She was amazed at how beautiful they are. Also deeply saddened and angry that they were built from the blood, sweat and tears of miners and their families - the women endured severe hardships, too. My mum was clothed by the Sali Army from birth until she went to work at age 14 as a scullery maid for another rich family.

Many, many people throughout history have had it incredibly hard. I saw something on telly about the Industrial Revolution and conditions people lived in then were truly awful. Many of the Greenwich tunnel workers expected to die on the job due to the awful conditions! From cloth weavers to miners to metal workers (which Mr. AE left about 10 years ago where he worked 12 hour shifts in terrible conditions - and his was one of the cleaner and easier departments) to the girls and women running the households of the business owners. The boys and young men that fought in the last two wars (not to mention the other 'lesser' wars ongoing. Just remember and honour them.

 

[maymorganlondon]

Why is it that, in an effort to be inclusive of marginalised groups in society, it is ALWAYS women who end up being attacked and vilified and marginalised?
While people are waking up to the existence of various phobias, covert and overt misogyny seem to be completely ignored?
Why does 50% of the population's concerns and needs not matter?
Why does language which pertains to the unique biology and functions of women have to be erased? Are they going to do the same with terminology which relates to unique factors of male biology and function?
Everyone needs to be able to be safe, to access the medical care that's appropriate ... but not by nullifying women.

 

[alter ego]

Yes it can be difficult living alone and I am sick and tired of listening to people who talk about ‘being on their own ‘and having nobody when they have a son or daughter around the corner and have a friend calling in several times a week.I am single ,have no close relatives or children of my own but a do have some nice neighbours but I do as much for them as they do for me.I must admit I don’t think too much about the future as I don’t want to spoil today.I have always been used to sorting myself out I either do it or pay someone else.I have friends but they have their own lives and I get sick and tired of being to one who does the phoning! I am quite sociable and am OK with going into company of people I don’t know.I recently had a day out ( coach tour) and am looking at short breaks in this country more to push myself as I can see it would be easy to sit at home.I give thanks my health ( touch wood!) is OK and am mobile but I experienced with the friend who died last year how life can change in a minute, literally.So Brissles look after yourself I had a counsellor last year after the bereavement because if you unload your concerns on some people they can make you feel 10 times worse by saying the daftest things!I am 74 now but 64 and holding!

Sometimes friends can be more caring than family. Life does get in the way, though.

When it comes down to it it's always better to stay as independent and outgoing as possible. When things open up a bit more can you try a local group to join? I had a wonderful friend who recently passed away in her mid-eighties. I only met her in her 70s. What an amazing woman she was. Active in the community and so caring but absolutely alone.

She never lacked friends to help and support, though, but you only had to know her briefly to understand why. I miss her a lot.

If anyone needs counselling find a great one. If you're at all uncomfortable with someone, see another. A great counsellor can make a huge difference.

I'm still 24 in my head

 

[alter ego]

Your words have made me go cold. There must be someone who would check if you weren't seen or heard from for a couple of days. When a friend's husband died suddenly last year, & she was flattened by the shock, we came up with the idea of me checking that her front bedroom curtains were open by a certain time every morning. I'll now look for you on here daily to ensure that you're up & about

That's a great idea, Twi. I wonder if we could have a check-in thread?

 

[Twilight]

I do so love a tangent

I stopped buying Walkers after the stupid Lineker ads, too. Couldn't they have given the job to someone not rolling in money already? Do they think everyone buying their product is a football and Lineker fan?

This knee crap? I was told it stemmed from American footballers who had seen it on Game of Thrones (never watched it so no idea), but wherever it came from, please stop. I cringe whenever I see it. It's another form of bullying as far as I can see.

Football, as with most sports has different colours both playing and supporting. This inane knee-jerk reaction to BLM just to make yourselves look good is getting irritating now. If you want to help, stop reacting to the thugs that rile up racism on Twatter. Just report then block. Like normal people do when they've suffered ANY kind of bullying nonsense online or in life.

My grandfather started working down the mines at age 12. Died age 55 of 100% pneumoconiosis after suffering from and working through arthritis all his life. He'd get his pay on Friday evening and gave most of it back to the mine-owners on Saturday morning when the rent collector came around. The mine-owners were also the house owners (and pub owners, where a lot of the wages would be spent).

I took my mum to visit relatives in the Valleys and took her round Cardiff Castle and Castell Coch. She was amazed at how beautiful they are. Also deeply saddened and angry that they were built from the blood, sweat and tears of miners and their families - the women endured severe hardships, too. My mum was clothed by the Sali Army from birth until she went to work at age 14 as a scullery maid for another rich family.

Many, many people throughout history have had it incredibly hard. I saw something on telly about the Industrial Revolution and conditions people lived in then were truly awful. Many of the Greenwich tunnel workers expected to die on the job due to the awful conditions! From cloth weavers to miners to metal workers (which Mr. AE left about 10 years ago where he worked 12 hour shifts in terrible conditions - and his was one of the cleaner and easier departments) to the girls and women running the households of the business owners. The boys and young men that fought in the last two wars (not to mention the other 'lesser' wars ongoing. Just remember and honour them.

Social history is fascinating. I loved 'Who Do You Think You Are?' & some of the stories were harrowing. Very often the person doing the search would ask an older relative why they didn't know certain facts & the answer was usually that these things weren't talked about. As someone who has always been claustrophobic I admire miners beyond words, the attitude of the bosses continued long after nationalisation, as shown by response to the Aberfan tragedy. Our year 7s would do a half term looking at Britain's role in the world & part of that covered the slave trade, slavery & the working conditions in our cotton mills & other industries; the students were horrified by all the cruelty & the fact that children as young as 4 started work as scavengers risking their lives under machinery.

 

[Twilight]

Sometimes friends can be more caring than family. Life does get in the way, though.

When it comes down to it it's always better to stay as independent and outgoing as possible. When things open up a bit more can you try a local group to join? I had a wonderful friend who recently passed away in her mid-eighties. I only met her in her 70s. What an amazing woman she was. Active in the community and so caring but absolutely alone.

She never lacked friends to help and support, though, but you only had to know her briefly to understand why. I miss her a lot.

If anyone needs counselling find a great one. If you're at all uncomfortable with someone, see another. A great counsellor can make a huge difference.

I'm still 24 in my head

I'm still nine.

 

[stratobuddy]

I'm still nine. Sometimes I am as old as 15, but mainly 10.

That's a great idea, Twi. I wonder if we could have a check-in thread? If we are not together, OH and I check up on each other by phone every morning, and get worried if there is no reply.

And a reply to another post which I can't find the quote, but someone said that you never know what is around the corner.

I had an example of this today in a zoom meeting, which I have fairly regularly with a few friends.

One of them said she had recently been having high blood pressure, so her doctor put her on 5mg tablets a day. She monitors her own BP, and as it wasn't improving the Dr told her to take 2 of the 5mg tablets, and she then got stabilised.

When she got her next scrip, she continued taking the 2 tablets for a week, but was getting swollen ankles and breathing difficulties. After a week, she realised that her Dr had prescribed 10mg tabs, so she should only take one (she said they looked just the same and didn't realise).

She rang 111 and was told to go straight to A and E and she should call an ambulance (it was now about midnight).

At the hospital, she had to go through various procedures, and was told that she was lucky that the overdose had not been fatal. She has still not fully recovered, and her Dr has been phoning her a few times a day to check up on her (probably feels guilty).

As she said, she could very easily have died, completely out of the blue, if she hadn't gone to the hospital when she did.