A man and his wife are travelling home from a party. It has not been a huge success as the wife thought her husband was a bit too familiar with some of the female guests. They had not gone far when the man, seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know anything about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."
*****
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there
was a limousine there to transport him to his home.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
“You know” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for
a while?”
The driver said, “No problem.”
Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway.
A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to
see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.
The supervisor asked, “Is it the Governor?”
The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.”
The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the President.”
The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”
The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?”
The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”
****
A Policeman pulled me over on the motorway.
He came to the window and said, "Papers," so I replied, "Scissors, I win," and drove off.
He must want a rematch, because he's been chasing me for miles now
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know anything about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."
*****
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there
was a limousine there to transport him to his home.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
“You know” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for
a while?”
The driver said, “No problem.”
Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway.
A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to
see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.
The supervisor asked, “Is it the Governor?”
The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.”
The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the President.”
The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”
The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?”
The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”
****
A Policeman pulled me over on the motorway.
He came to the window and said, "Papers," so I replied, "Scissors, I win," and drove off.
He must want a rematch, because he's been chasing me for miles now
