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Always thought the Gayfords looked like something done with a painting by numbers kit.

He's off again with the hosepipe and the wind is playing havoc with his hair, what's left of it is all over the place.

Just turned on to IW Pope Peter is in full swing and for some reason is dressed as a funeral director. Not only is there a vacancy on Top Gear what about One Direction?

Would love to have seen our Pete present the weird poloponcho or whatever it is funny hat/scarf combo that's just been on. Would have been hilarious.

The quotes from Kinkaid himself sound as bizarre as the old fool's. I read somewhere that he was a vile drunk (Kinkaid not Peter)Think he must have overdosed on his medication tonight it's like the good old days on Bid.

Was flicking channels in the early hours and came across Dirty Peter Simon in a pair of shorts on some sort of vibrator. Stomach churning to say the least.

The close ups of Pete's gnarled old knuckles modelling the rings is quite stomach churning. But it's good to have the old boy back. Better than Escape to the Country or Extreme makeover. He's just sort of like background music. But not very good.

Pete must have the larger of the camp beds because he seems to be living at Gems. Nodded of during one of his rambles and woke up to him wittering on about sandals and broad straps. It's like he never been away.

We found it quite reassuring to hear about our Karen and pleated skirts once again. It was either that or Escape to the Country repeats.

They need a bucket of water throwing over the pair of them.

The last thing we saw unfortunately was Gollum flogging a gold chain which was so thin you could've threaded it through the eye of a needle. He was struggling to display it in the box and finished up dangling it over his scrawny hairy wrist which was quite revolting.We do miss Bid though, sort of.

Just flicked over and Gollum is flogging a chain which is so thin you could thread it through the eye of a needle. He's having problems displaying it and asked for a longer box.It's so shiny it's like a starry night. Not. He's gone into DP mode wear it with the little black dress make a...

There's at least two of them dead, I think one of the Supremes is a goner.Perhaps celebrity "Chef's" cooking is a bit suspect.

McDonald looks like a scruffy old tramp tonight. Think he needs a makeover. He's selling a grotty crystal ornament which he suggests you put on your window sill to catch the light. Set fire to your curtains while you're out and burn your house down. Wah wah wah wah.

Ryes has just sold the macadamia shampoo,conditioner and oil for 9.99 plus 7.99 p&p on that weird auction thing and surprisingly everyone was a winner. I don't think so. They could have bought 18 of them for that price if they'd have gone to Poundland.

They had snail serum on sale in Holland and Barretts window yesterday. Is no poor creature safe and has to go to an early grave so it can be slathered all over Bid presenters ugly mugs to preserve their youthful appearances.

It reminded me of an old Stephen King film from years ago. Something about a scary clown snatching children off the streets.It's the stuff of nightmares definitely.

Mason' s bonce looks particularly sweaty and shiny tonight and he's just shovelled about half a ton of pasta into his gob at once. Wouldn't like to sit opposite him at tea time. He's stomach churning.