Which Yankee Candle would you give.....?

[Gizzy]

I've got a few. Anyone with sensitive stomachs better stop reading...

"Summer Bries" - a "stunning" blend of the finest, ripest cheeses including Gorgonzola, Limberger and Brie. With a scent like this, who needs sell by dates?
"Laundry Day" - this aroma features a rich bouquet of dirty socks, sweaty shirts and those knickers that have been festering at the bottom of the basket for at least a year. A great gift for any unwanted friends you may have.
"The Morning After the Night Before" - ever had a really good night out? Why not relive those memories with this heady mixture of cheap booze, vomit, kebab grease and cigarette ashes? Go on, make the good times last forever...
"Rubba Dub Dub" - a strong perfume reminiscent of burning tyres. Simple, effective, possibly carcinogenic.
"Swamp Thing" - sour and sulphurous with top notes of rotting vegetation and a base of dead fish.
"Indian Hummer" - all that tasty curry you ate last night, but not as you remember it. Painfully pungent. Caution: do not light any matches when using this scent!
"Sweet Pee" - got cats or dogs? Or do you fancy marking your own territory? Either way, this delightful perfume gives you a welcoming scent of home. (That is, assuming you happen to live in a frequently used public toilet.)

 

[speckledhen]

:clapping: Excellent, Capirossi and I will be needing an experienced fragrance consultant and you fit the bill - interested? (the pay is in candles tho....)

 

[Capirossi]

:clapping: Excellent, Capirossi and I will be needing an experienced fragrance consultant and you fit the bill - interested? (the pay is in candles tho....)

Gizzy 'the nose'!!!! Welcome to Skanky Candles Loving your work, haha!!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[OscarFelixJake]

Here are my 4, would buy all 4 and send them anonymously to my MIL :devil:

B.A.L pronounced Baaal in hushed, awed tone - blocked anal glands (furry friends variety)
Carrot Swamp - what is left in your fridge salad box when you come back from your holidays
Peanut Puff - generated by my dear OH after scoffing handfuls of his favourite KP snack
Airplane Surprise - what greets the poor guy who opens the plane doors from the outside after a long haul flight

 

[Gizzy]

Glad you like 'em! Here's a couple more...:cheeky:

New Baby - forget talcum powder! This young and not-so-innocent fragrance combines dirty nappies, sterilising fluid and stale milk, giving the user the full experience of a newborn baby. Also useful as a contraceptive.
Locker Room - a limited edition candle for the Olympics. A refreshing blend of cheap deodorant and B.O.
Let the sweet (?) smell of sporting success inspire you to do your best every day. Note: Skanky Candles cannot be held responsible for any cases of athelete's foot arising from use of this candle.
Contagion - a delightfully septic aroma made from the finest all natural pus available. Very uplifting, since we all know that an abscess makes the heart grow fonder.
On the Ranch - for animal lovers, this bouquet of horse, cow, goat and chicken manures will bring back memories.

 

[speckledhen]

Here are my 4, would buy all 4 and send them anonymously to my MIL :devil:

B.A.L pronounced Baaal in hushed, awed tone - blocked anal glands (furry friends variety)
Carrot Swamp - what is left in your fridge salad box when you come back from your holidays
Peanut Puff - generated by my dear OH after scoffing handfuls of his favourite KP snack
Airplane Surprise - what greets the poor guy who opens the plane doors from the outside after a long haul flight

LOL - loving the airplane surprise!

 

[Snarly]

I am loving it. On The Ranch could be Eau d'le Barnyard when you market to the French. Love the Sweet Pee and anal glands varieties. Are these all copywrite protected? I can see a telly comedy set in a shopping channel or maybe a comic stealing these for a sketch. Gizzxy would slot in well as Max-ine Clifford, PR person. Applied for the patent yet, Skanky Candles or Skankee Candles? SummerBries - I just got that! Hey, there's a book deal in here. Someone on here's got to be an agent, publisher and translators. Let's go global ie: UK, USA, Japan, Italy, Germany. When are you free for a videoconference?

 

[Daisygirl]

Love these posts!!! My Skanky Candles (excellent name) for those horrible people are -

(a Christmas special) - Brussels Sprout Fart

Rotting Seaweed

and one for our 'lovely' farmer neighbour - Muck Spreading Day

 

[speckledhen]

Love these posts!!! My Skanky Candles (excellent name) for those horrible people are -

(a Christmas special) - Brussels Sprout Fart

Rotting Seaweed

and one for our 'lovely' farmer neighbour - Muck Spreading Day

Am going to start on this wonderfully suggested Christmas Special this weekend, 'Brussels Sprout Fart' - have only got another 12 sacks of Brussels to eat - PHEW!

 

[Leighton Orient]

Your Plaice or Mine, a heady mix of sea bed and sandalwood, evocative of the smell of fish your mum cooked in the 70's then tried to cover with a joss stick. Taking me right back!

WaterLily, for the nice aroma you get when the guaranteed for 7 days lilys you got in Tesco (or any reputable florist) are coming up for their 2nd month and the leaves and stems have gone all slimy in the stagnant water and you know it's going to reek when you empty the vase.

Lemon Turd. No explanation needed really, one of Skanky's traditional range but now with added Lemon.

 

[Gizzy]

Just a couple more...

Taurus - a simple scent of fresh cow pats with a subtle dash of methane. The perfect symbolic gift for all the liars in your life.
Raw Sewage - an exotic fragrance sourced from deep under ground, where the rats and cockroaches frolic. Raw Sewage is a unique blend of waste water, human waste and just about anything that can be flushed down a toilet.
Sun Kissed Milk - inspired by milk left on your doorstep on a hot summer day. The "Sun Kissed Milk" aroma is hard to achieve. To get it, the milk has to be matured to the point where it's too solid to be yogurt, but isn't quite cheese yet. Do not be fooled by cheap imitations; only Skanky Candles use the authentic sour milk smell in their candles. (I wonder why...?)
Hot Sick - uhhhh... the name says it all, really.

 

[speckledhen]

Who knew how creative we can all be! I think we could be as big as Microsoft and Capirossi will be the new Bill Gates....

I would like to start on a send a gift to a politician range (yes I am watching Questiontime), and wonder if you have any 'skankee' suggestions.

Labours Hog-swill Surprise
Conservative Cr**p

Now you can see that I'm not good at this bit, which is why we have vacancies for odour consultants!!

 

[madaunty]

Now tell the truth Speckledhen...... was the absence of Michaela from last night Yankee TSV launch anything to do with you? :cheeky:
Have you, per chance, poached her to front the new Skankee range.
I suspect she closeted away in your basement and busy learning new adjectives to best describe the unusual "aromas" of this forthcoming range. :smirk:

 

[Capirossi]

That insipid woman will not be working for Skanky Candles!! And neither will some 20 stone weight-loss guru :what: or 3 stone bimbette!! I'm not one for the public eye, so I reckon SHen should be the 'face', don't you?! Our strapline/brand story could be "real women making real smells, literally, for you" Pmsl!!!!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[mystydog]

Damp Cauliflower Fields.

On a hot damp day, especially after they have been harvested.....urghhh.

 

[Leighton Orient]

Damp Cauliflower Fields could be burnt with Sun Kissed Milk for a nice cauliflower cheese waft. Will there be Slack Tart burners too?

 

[speckledhen]

Damp Cauliflower Fields could be burnt with Sun Kissed Milk for a nice cauliflower cheese waft. Will there be Slack Tart burners too?

OOooh I forgot about the whole tart burner side of it - we could have a 'burnt' range:-
Burnt Rubber Tyres
Burnt Toast

and yes they will definitely be very slack! lol:angel:

 

[speckledhen]

Now tell the truth Speckledhen...... was the absence of Michaela from last night Yankee TSV launch anything to do with you? :cheeky:
Have you, per chance, poached her to front the new Skankee range.
I suspect she closeted away in your basement and busy learning new adjectives to best describe the unusual "aromas" of this forthcoming range. :smirk:

Well to be honest Capirossi and I did smuggle her away and tried to make her see things 'the skankeeee way', but she just kept going on about trimming our wicks and the beauty of midnight jasmine, and Capirossi got fed up with her, so we melted her down into a candle which Capirossi named Insipid Surprise and then we both went down to the pub!