The Speakmans - A Positive Life TSV 03/01/17

[donna255]

There is a subject we have not mentioned children sexually abused who are now adults. The NHS refund to touch it and send those who suffered to private charities. Especially here in Northern Ireland, they have been thousands who suffered at the hands of homes run by nuns and the state. They are in their 50s 60s and never had closure.

 

[Twilight]

I had counseling some years ago and what it did do was help me realise where my problems came from and that the way to deal with them was in my own hands. It was good to talk to someone who was not judgmental in any way and didn't try to steer me in any particular direction, it was all on my terms.

That is the perfect example of good counselling.

 

[Julius]

I wouldn't want to put people off counselling if they were suicidal / at their lowest ebb / had been abused or had bereavements / some serious issues. I think the pendulum has swung too far in modern society and we see people getting counselling because they saw a spider in their bathtub or are afraid of Simon Cowell. I was at uni when I lost my entire family within a 6-month period and got made homeless. My uni offered me counselling but I refused it. I figured that their counselling wasn't going to bring people back from the dead! It was up to me to get on with it. I suppose I am lucky in that I had led quite a solitary existence anyway even when my family were alive, and that prepared me for what was to follow.

It's the trivial things I feel a little more scornful towards. I personally am not keen on revolving doors. I just don't like them at all in any way whatsoever yet every day I have to walk through them. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do my job. My friend Emmanuel is terrified of flying. I cannot understand for the life of me why, but when he had to go to Ghana recently, he did it. I think sometimes counselling almost validates issues not worthy of validation.

Anyway here are my own "keys" for dealing with issues in life. I will share them with you all for free:-

1) Often the worst problem is not the situation itself, but the lack of knowledge about when the situation will conclude. Realising that the situation will logically change can be quite liberating. See the light at the end of the tunnel, not the darkness before it.
2) Humans have been around for millions of years. Whatever has happened to you, there is a good chance something similar has happened to someone else. Learning of their experience can give pointers on how to handle / or not handle things.
3) The human mind is incredibly geared towards being certain. People like to define things in terms of what they know or what their own experience has been. Realising that you may not have the full answer can be important in taking the steps necessary to resolving issues.
4) Life often really does go on! That person / job / house / thing you so strongly attached to and made a part of your identity was likely not as important as you thought. Your spirituality, existence and health is more important than many things.
5) Just because someone is your family it does not mean you have to love them, or that they have to love you. Sometimes it is best to make decent people part of your life and let family go if they are "no-goods."
6) People have a stupid notion of ageing. You go to school, go to uni, get a job, have a family and die. This is not always so as sometimes your life situation chooses you. You're born at the beginning, you die at the end. The middle bit is up to you - for the most part.
7) There is a lot to be said for planning things, but even more to be said for having an aptitude to cope with what comes along, embrace and adapt to change. Some people crumble when their plans fail. Others simply move on. There is no guide book to life. Just as you may get a nice surprise going off the beaten track on holiday, life can take an interesting detour too. Don't be afraid of this.
8) True success comes from a lot of failure.
9) Don't be too hard on yourself. Learn to see things in terms of partial successes and failures. Life is seldom black and white.
10) Trends and fashions change but human nature has remained the same since time immemorial.
11) Be wary of that thing called "religion." It is good to question anything in life. Anyone who tells you not to question things usually has an agenda or is disingenuous. There is only one reality. There will be many people's versions of that same reality and they will differ. It is good to question things. If you have a favourite newspaper the chances are it will tell you what you consider to be a more accurate version of events than other papers. The converted overlook the truth when they are preached to. Live with sense! Humankind like to have something to believe in. That's why Peter Popoff still has a huge following even though he's been exposed as a fraud many, many times.
12) If you think you are ill, it's better to get tested and know the truth than live in fear.
13) Having a good speaking voice can be immensely beneficial, as can be the ability to write a good letter.
14) For all of life's disappointments there is much beauty and comfort to be seen in the little things- the bird or squirrel in your garden, that hedgehog on the patio, sitting at home by the window listening to the rain gently falling, and feeling calm, going out for a walk in the countryside, or a mini-break somewhere nice, a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit!
15) Eat better to feel better.
16) Don't write yourself off.


There are some of my pearls of wisdom! Now tell me some of yours! I am interested to hear all.
1

 

[Brissles]

Julius, there are times when I totally disagree with you, but we are all different. I read your comment with interest, and its hard not to agree with everything you said. As a society I think we have evolved since the last war into a 'needy' nation. The stoical attitude of those in this country that faced being bombed every day and night, compared to how dramas are dealt with in this day and age are light years away. Yes, there are dreadful accounts of abuse recorded, which is still going on, and this is where Councillors come into their own. My mother had mental issues in the 60's, and relied on a lifetime of medication to help her function, - she didn't have the capacity to get herself through her traumas. I, as her child, watched as my husband dropped dead in front of me with a heart attack, then a few years later lost a lover to cancer, being childless I had no support, so it was a 'gird up my loincloth' time and just get on with the business of living. The point is, there are two types of humans, the weak and the strong and it will always be ever thus.

 

[shopperholic]

The Speakmans said there was "more than one reality" what on earth does that even mean? If anyone is considering going down the self help route, at least get some professional advice first as to which self help route that should be, because not all self help books/cds/DVDs will give the same opinion/advice which in itself will be confusing to a person desperately looking for answers, so that's my "Pearl of wisdom"........... oh and Julius, can I have my "quote of the day" loo roll back please? :mysmilie_17:

 

[Twilight]

Julius & Brissles - Wise words & I'm moved by your honesty.

 

[Julius]

Julius, there are times when I totally disagree with you, but we are all different. I read your comment with interest, and its hard not to agree with everything you said. As a society I think we have evolved since the last war into a 'needy' nation. The stoical attitude of those in this country that faced being bombed every day and night, compared to how dramas are dealt with in this day and age are light years away. Yes, there are dreadful accounts of abuse recorded, which is still going on, and this is where Councillors come into their own. My mother had mental issues in the 60's, and relied on a lifetime of medication to help her function, - she didn't have the capacity to get herself through her traumas. I, as her child, watched as my husband dropped dead in front of me with a heart attack, then a few years later lost a lover to cancer, being childless I had no support, so it was a 'gird up my loincloth' time and just get on with the business of living. The point is, there are two types of humans, the weak and the strong and it will always be ever thus.

I agree Brissles. When I was at school there was a series on TV called "The Wartime Kitchen and Garden" presented by Ruth Mott and Harry Dodson. I still have the book that accompanied the series. I remember feeling very moved by how people had to live to cope through those dark days of the war, and indeed for several years thereafter. I can only imagine how brilliant the 60s must have been. I wish I was there. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, partly in Lithuania but mainly here in England. Some of the things I saw in LT were probably like how things were in the UK many, many years before. I grew up in a "bendrabutis" or dorm house for poor people. 30 rooms to a corridor. 2 kitchens and one bathroom per floor. I remember the beauty in picking blueberries in the forest, stealing quinces from the orchard and making jam, gathering mushrooms. We really appreciated these things because the winter was SO harsh. When you don't have something, it makes you appreciate it when you do. The council flat we were given in the UK was like Buckingham Palace to us. Our own bathroom with a lemon yellow suite and light brown carpet! Wow! Hot water on tap 24/7! Amazing!
Back in the bendrabutis we were all poor but we helped each other out. I have never since come across the level of kindness I experienced back there. I recently bought an Alcatel U5 smartphone and many of my colleagues were scornful of it, but to me it is amazing and brilliant value.
I never let my background define me. I took the best elements of it and went on to do many things that people of my background don't typically do. As I have become older I've become so much more confident and am surprised just how much things have improved as my perspective on things has changed. All those silly things I used to worry about are now kicked well into touch.
I always remember how one year we managed to get a goose for Christmas. My mother was so immensely proud of the goose. It was very fat and looked like it would provide many meals. Unfortunately there was little meat on the goose and it barely fed 2 of us! But oh my goodness did we have some lovely roast potatoes for days afterwards! We always made the best of what we had!

 

[maymorganlondon]

In life, we cannot control everything, but the one thing we can always control is the choices we make.
If something dreadful happens, we can choose to be defined as a victim, or we can search for the positive. Through personal experience I have found adversity unlocks your potential... And I discovered how much I was loved, how much inner strength I had, and how positive a person I was. I learned that when you need help and support the resources you can draw on extend far beyond what is offered by official channels. My personal growth has been supercharged by life's challenges, not reduced by it.

You don't need the Speakmans for any of this. Just being open to the possibility of support and help, and being willing to make use of your personal resources (character, not cash or other material things).

I did have counselling, ironically because I seemed to be coping too well with a diagnosis and treatment! It reassured me that I had tapped into my own potential, so stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.

There are a lot of amazing people on this forum, who have weathered many storms and in the process gained powerful insight into themselves. I call that a positive blessing, and all the greater for the pain-price paid to get it.

I suspect perhaps we are not an ideal target market for the Speakmans, in general. If someone has taken the plunge, I truly hope it helps, though.

 

[stratobuddy]

Most of the posts above are displayed as one letter per line, so totally unreadable.

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[loveheart]

Same for me too. Forum was ok for a while and has now gone back to being unreadable again.

 

[stratobuddy]

Probably because 3/4 of the screen is taken up with adverts on the right

 

[Julius]

Paragraphs are wonderful things, as are indents. The only thing that bothers me on this site is the autoplay videos that play automatically at full volume.

 

[maymorganlondon]

It is variable, and affecting you no matter if you are VIP members or not. It is taking pages forever to load, no doubt because all the ads are jostling for their place on screen.

We all need to contact Graham, though as either complaining on a random thread or a dedicated thread isn't the best method.

 

[Julius]

Most of the posts above are displayed as one letter per line, so totally unreadable.

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[Julius]

I agree Brissles. When I was at school there was a series on TV called "The Wartime Kitchen and Garden" presented by Ruth Mott and Harry Dodson. I still have the book that accompanied the series. I remember feeling very moved by how people had to live to cope through those dark days of the war, and indeed for several years thereafter. I can only imagine how brilliant the 60s must have been. I wish I was there. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, partly in Lithuania but mainly here in England. Some of the things I saw in LT were probably like how things were in the UK many, many years before. I grew up in a "bendrabutis" or dorm house for poor people. 30 rooms to a corridor. 2 kitchens and one bathroom per floor. I remember the beauty in picking blueberries in the forest, stealing quinces from the orchard and making jam, gathering mushrooms. We really appreciated these things because the winter was SO harsh. When you don't have something, it makes you appreciate it when you do. The council flat we were given in the UK was like Buckingham Palace to us. Our own bathroom with a lemon yellow suite and light brown carpet! Wow! Hot water on tap 24/7! Amazing!
Back in the bendrabutis we were all poor but we helped each other out. I have never since come across the level of kindness I experienced back there. I recently bought an Alcatel U5 smartphone and many of my colleagues were scornful of it, but to me it is amazing and brilliant value.
I never let my background define me. I took the best elements of it and went on to do many things that people of my background don't typically do. As I have become older I've become so much more confident and am surprised just how much things have improved as my perspective on things has changed. All those silly things I used to worry about are now kicked well into touch.
I always remember how one year we managed to get a goose for Christmas. My mother was so immensely proud of the goose. It was very fat and looked like it would provide many meals. Unfortunately there was little meat on the goose and it barely fed 2 of us! But oh my goodness did we have some lovely roast potatoes for days afterwards! We always made the best of what we had!

And here is a link to the series. So well produced was it that I felt like I was experiencing the war years, albeit vicariously via a telly programme. Anyways I'll invite you to watch and judge for yourselves.

Here is Episode 1:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVRQGR2l_L4

 

[Tarketta]

The reviews have started trickling in, not exactly surprising in content...

http://www.qvcuk.com/The-Speakmans-...r-Life-Book-&-DVD.product.402096.html?sc=SRCH

 

[boffy]

The reviews have started trickling in, not exactly surprising in content...

http://www.qvcuk.com/The-Speakmans-...r-Life-Book-&-DVD.product.402096.html?sc=SRCH

oh dear ooh errrr

 

[AndiK]

oh dear ooh errrr

I like the way over 20 people find a negative review helpful so that's 20 fewer future purchases too! I don't think the couple will have a long relationship with QVC and its viewers!

 

[shopperholic]

I'm not at all surprised at these negative reviews, it's just a shame that people fell for it hoping that this might work for them, I'm glad someone else noticed the Speakmans are just walking clichés who have stolen quotes from professional people who do actually have qualifications, and I tell you what, if I was those professionals, I'd sue the pair of smug buggers.

 

[Julius]

2 and a half stars! Not much of a glowing recommendation, is it? Some of the reviews are not exactly complementary, are they? Mind you, I'd be surprised if people unanimously extolled the virtues of what quite clearly is little more than pseudo-psychological bollocks, the purpose of which is to prey on and profit from the fickle, the weak and vulnerable. It's no wonder that couple can sport their matching ultra-brite gnashers that sit in their cosmetically-enhanced visages. This couple are to therapy what Gillian McKeith is to nutrition! And Nik and Eva if you're reading this and find it defamatory -SUE ME! I DARE YOU!