Alternative jobs for presenters

[TheManWithNoName]

Just supposing Gemporia wasn't to make it through their financial woes (assuming their situation hasn't improved much since last year) and they eventually closed or went under, what new careers could their presenters move into?

These are my ideas:

Dave Troth - Anaesthetist. He could be a new injection-free / gas-free, alternative to general anaesthetic. Simply wheel the patient into the theatre, get Dave Troth to start talking - et voila! 10 seconds later, the patient is in a deep sleep / boredom induced coma and out for the count for at least 4 hours.

Ellis Ward - Ambassador for the Amnesia Association. Bearing in mind that she doesn't seem to think that people can remember anything for more than 5 minutes before reminding them how to buy again, she'd be great for this role.

Jake Thompson - Sumo Wrestler. Can't think why though.......

Hattie Houston - A modern day Town Crier. However, rather than just being an old-fashioned town crier, she could become the first ever Regional Crier. Plonk her in Nottingham, and they'll be able to hear her in Derby, Nottingham, Leicester and other East Midlands towns/cities. Stick her in London, they'll be able to hear her across Essex, Surrey and Middlesex. Plonk her in Birmingham, they'll be able to hear her in Birmingham, Walsall, Wolverhampton, Coventry, Dudley and other areas across the West Midlands.

Angeline Davies - Nightclub Bouncer. Her aggressive demeaner would be great for scaring off potential troublemakers.

Jess Foley - Flying Instructor. Everything seems to be flying out the front door when she's on, so it makes sense to expand that to areas bigger than a front door. Absolutely!

Lindsey Carr. Nope. No idea. This one could take a while. I'll get back to you........... Mannequin perhaps?

 

[Ant7t]

I like watching Sumo, but you have seen what they wear: or don't. And rarely that belt has been known to loosen. (The referee then puts his hand on the back of the wrestler to 'stop the match' until the belt is tightened. (If my memory serves).

 

[TheManWithNoName]

I like watching Sumo, but you have seen what they wear: or don't. And rarely that belt has been known to loosen. (The referee then puts his hand on the back of the wrestler to 'stop the match' until the belt is tightened. (If my memory serves).

Don't worry, Jake will need more support than a nappy. His will be scaffolding.

 

[Battiola73]

Just supposing Gemporia wasn't to make it through their financial woes (assuming their situation hasn't improved much since last year) and they eventually closed or went under, what new careers could their presenters move into?

These are my ideas:

Dave Troth - Anaesthetist. He could be a new injection-free / gas-free, alternative to general anaesthetic. Simply wheel the patient into the theatre, get Dave Troth to start talking - et voila! 10 seconds later, the patient is in a deep sleep / boredom induced coma and out for the count for at least 4 hours.

Ellis Ward - Ambassador for the Amnesia Association. Bearing in mind that she doesn't seem to think that people can remember anything for more than 5 minutes before reminding them how to buy again, she'd be great for this role.

Jake Thompson - Sumo Wrestler. Can't think why though.......

Hattie Houston - A modern day Town Crier. However, rather than just being an old-fashioned town crier, she could become the first ever Regional Crier. Plonk her in Nottingham, and they'll be able to hear her in Derby, Nottingham, Leicester and other East Midlands towns/cities. Stick her in London, they'll be able to hear her across Essex, Surrey and Middlesex. Plonk her in Birmingham, they'll be able to hear her in Birmingham, Walsall, Wolverhampton, Coventry, Dudley and other areas across the West Midlands.

Angeline Davies - Nightclub Bouncer. Her aggressive demeaner would be great for scaring off potential troublemakers.

Jess Foley - Flying Instructor. Everything seems to be flying out the front door when she's on, so it makes sense to expand that to areas bigger than a front door. Absolutely!

Lindsey Carr. Nope. No idea. This one could take a while. I'll get back to you........... Mannequin perhaps?

Lindsey Carr . Ventriloquist dummy or a Borg from Star Trek maybe

 

[TheManWithNoName]

Lindsey Carr . Ventriloquist dummy or a Borg from Star Trek maybe

"Gottle of Geer" would probably be the most sensible thing she'll have said for a while

 

[Schmoo]

Got to be honest, as a larger person I find all the personal comments about Jake's weight a little unnecessary.

Presenting abilities (or lack thereof), knowledge, relationship with the truth, yeah, fair game, but am I a lesser person, destined only for a life as a sumo wrestler?

 

[historymystery]

Just supposing Gemporia wasn't to make it through their financial woes (assuming their situation hasn't improved much since last year) and they eventually closed or went under, what new careers could their presenters move into?

These are my ideas:

Dave Troth - Anaesthetist. He could be a new injection-free / gas-free, alternative to general anaesthetic. Simply wheel the patient into the theatre, get Dave Troth to start talking - et voila! 10 seconds later, the patient is in a deep sleep / boredom induced coma and out for the count for at least 4 hours.

Ellis Ward - Ambassador for the Amnesia Association. Bearing in mind that she doesn't seem to think that people can remember anything for more than 5 minutes before reminding them how to buy again, she'd be great for this role.

Jake Thompson - Sumo Wrestler. Can't think why though.......

Hattie Houston - A modern day Town Crier. However, rather than just being an old-fashioned town crier, she could become the first ever Regional Crier. Plonk her in Nottingham, and they'll be able to hear her in Derby, Nottingham, Leicester and other East Midlands towns/cities. Stick her in London, they'll be able to hear her across Essex, Surrey and Middlesex. Plonk her in Birmingham, they'll be able to hear her in Birmingham, Walsall, Wolverhampton, Coventry, Dudley and other areas across the West Midlands.

Angeline Davies - Nightclub Bouncer. Her aggressive demeaner would be great for scaring off potential troublemakers.

Jess Foley - Flying Instructor. Everything seems to be flying out the front door when she's on, so it makes sense to expand that to areas bigger than a front door. Absolutely!

Lindsey Carr. Nope. No idea. This one could take a while. I'll get back to you........... Mannequin perhaps?

Love these ideas! Could I please nominate Lindsey for the post of ventriloquist's dummy? Oops! Just seen that this has already been suggested - so I second that vote! (Trouble is, she'd probably think it was a promotion...)

 

[RedPhoenix]

What's all this with them dressing up as though they're going to a ball.

 

[TheManWithNoName]

What's all this with them dressing up as though they're going to a ball.

Court appearances for obtaining money by deception by misleading the public perhaps?

 

[TheManWithNoName]

Got to be honest, as a larger person I find all the personal comments about Jake's weight a little unnecessary.

Presenting abilities (or lack thereof), knowledge, relationship with the truth, yeah, fair game, but am I a lesser person, destined only for a life as a sumo wrestler?

I'm not slim myself so I am being a bit hypocritical. It's not really his size that I mock him for - it's more his lack of awareness of how he looks, when he insists on wearing those skin tight shirts and ill fitting clothes.

But yes, using his weight against him is unnecessary so I'll refrain from that in the future.

Lets focus on the fact that Gemporia have portrayed him as some sort of 'gem expert' for years - yet this same guy recorded a VT telling us he'd bought a piece of Baltic Amber, and he'd been 'heartbroken' when Mariusz told him it was, essentially, junk. This is the same guy that suggests to everyone else that the stones he's sourced for Gemporia are the best thing since sliced bread.

If anything, it's made me think the guy is a complete plonker.

 

[Ant7t]

Gemporia have portrayed him as some sort of 'gem expert' for years - yet this same guy recorded a VT telling us he'd bought a piece of Baltic Amber, and he'd been 'heartbroken' when Mariusz told him it was, essentially, junk. This is the same guy that suggests to everyone else that the stones he's sourced for Gemporia are the best thing since sliced bread.

I remember that. That was ages back, or it seemed that way.

 

[Lulu]

And what did these selly telly folk do before they appeared on our screens ? Redcoats ? Market traders ? Gobby salesmen/ women?
So many seem to tout themselves as actors, voiceover artists, public speakers, singers ?!?!

 

[RedPhoenix]

And what did these selly telly folk do before they appeared on our screens ? Redcoats ? Market traders ? Gobby salesmen/ women?
So many seem to tout themselves as actors, voiceover artists, public speakers, singers ?!?!

Jeff likes to tell us (at least twice every hour) that he's a jewellery design for a famous French jeweller and numerous others.
He's always invited to black tie events and travelling the world for work.
Yet outside of Gemporia you don't see any info about him.

 

[Lulu]

Jeff likes to tell us (at least twice every hour) that he's a jewellery design for a famous French jeweller and numerous others.
He's always invited to black tie events and travelling the world for work.
Yet outside of Gemporia you don't see any info about him.

Yes, outside of Gemporia, QVC, TJC, etc, many of them have little info on "other" work, though a lot of self promoting nonsense on social media, but actual work ?
Maybe they earn so much on selly telly they don't need other work ? I've often wondered if they are on commission?

 

[TheManWithNoName]

And what did these selly telly folk do before they appeared on our screens ? Redcoats ? Market traders ? Gobby salesmen/ women?
So many seem to tout themselves as actors, voiceover artists, public speakers, singers ?!?!

Well Hattie is a public speaker by default. She's that loud, the public hear her whether they want to or not,

But yes, they're mainly failed actors and failed singer. If they were any good at acting and singing, they wouldn't need to be telling lies to flog jewellery on TV.

But Ellis used to work with Matthew Kelly and Bruce Forsyth on Telly. But she doesn't mention it much................

 

[Ant7t]

Jeff likes to tell us (at least twice every hour) that he's a jewellery design for a famous French jeweller and numerous others.
He's always invited to black tie events and travelling the world for work.
Yet outside of Gemporia you don't see any info about him.

Maybe he uses a pseudonym. Or JH is his stage name? Not as daft as it sounds.

 

[TheManWithNoName]

Jeff likes to tell us (at least twice every hour) that he's a jewellery design for a famous French jeweller and numerous others.
He's always invited to black tie events and travelling the world for work.
Yet outside of Gemporia you don't see any info about him.

To be fair, that would be perfectly normal. Even clothes supposedly made by a designer such as Ralph Lauren or Fred Perry is likely to have been 'ghost' designed by someone called Fred Smith.

Look at Gemporia when they sell 'Glenn Lehrer' rings - "this has been hand carved by the legendary lapidarist, Glenn Lehrer". No, it's been carved by one of his team in Jaipur that is probably earning peanuts for doing it. The 'proper' Glenn Lehrer pieces done by Glenn himself cost thousands. The stones cut by himself on Gem Collector are ludicrously priced.

"Dung - the new perfume by Beyonce". No, Beyonce has probably never even smelt the stuff. You're just paying her thousands of pounds in royalties to use her name.

Jeff will likely design on a freelance basis and be paid commission for each design he creates.

 

[Professor Branestawm]

To be fair, that would be perfectly normal. Even clothes supposedly made by a designer such as Ralph Lauren or Fred Perry is likely to have been 'ghost' designed by someone called Fred Smith.

Look at Gemporia when they sell 'Glenn Lehrer' rings - "this has been hand carved by the legendary lapidarist, Glenn Lehrer". No, it's been carved by one of his team in Jaipur that is probably earning peanuts for doing it. The 'proper' Glenn Lehrer pieces done by Glenn himself cost thousands. The stones cut by himself on Gem Collector are ludicrously priced.

"Dung - the new perfume by Beyonce". No, Beyonce has probably never even smelt the stuff. You're just paying her thousands of pounds in royalties to use her name.

Jeff will likely design on a freelance basis and be paid commission for each design he creates.

Same is true for designer spectacles.
Almost all the ‘designer glasses’ are made by a company called Luxottica. I have a close friend who is an optometrist and she said they cost, wholesale, literally £3-£30. But are sold for £200-£300.
The designer, be that Ralph Lauren, or D&G, or Police, or whatever, has literally no input at all, other than franchising their name,

 

[VapidStoat]

Lindsay Carr - Kimbie paperweight

Ellis Ward - Pontins bluecoat

Jim Brooman and Jake Thompson - TellyTubby stunt doubles

Jess Foley - political speechwriter

Hattie Houston - fire alarm

Dave Troff - eBay seller

Angeline Davies - children's party entertainer

 

[historymystery]

Lindsay Carr - Kimbie paperweight

Ellis Ward - Pontins bluecoat

Jim Brooman and Jake Thompson - TellyTubby stunt doubles

Jess Foley - political speechwriter

Hattie Houston - fire alarm

Dave Troff - eBay seller

Angeline Davies - children's party entertainer

Angeline might frighten the kiddies witless - one word out of place and she'd 'fix them' with the glare ray from her eyes. I don't know what she'd do to the kids, but by heck she frightens me. Under all that friendliness and smiles, I'd imagine she takes no prisoners.