100 Things I Have learned from QVC..

[loveallthingsitalian]

And that you must SHOUT. Ann Dawson is like a banshee at the moment.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

And that you must spend 92+squid as a swimsuit coverup and wear to travel on the plane.

 

[stuartf]

1. It will cost me £5.99 to drive to my nearest shop and when I get here I will be incapable of carrying even a small item back to my car
2. I can neglect the plants I buy from QVC all summer long and they will still grow into something resembling a healthy rain forest
3. You will not find this item cheaper anywhere else so there is no need to ever use Google ever again
4. My garden is incomplete without swirly bits of tat that will be the envy of my neighbours
5. My life is not complete unless I stay up to midnight each day just in case I miss out on a TSV
6. To be fit and healthy I have to look like a wrinkly bag of old bones
7. That exercise equipment always fits under my bed
8. That all the food sold on QVC is completely the most amazing thing I will ever taste in my life
9. I can get amazing cuts of meat delivered to my door blast frozen where they can sit in the sun all day
10. That I am significantly richer in life for no longer watching and purchasing crap from QVC

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I will never need to buy a hearing aid as the presenters will ALWAYS shout in order that I miss nothing.

That brands I have never heard of are in all the magazines, in celebs closets, being raved about at the fashion shows etc etc.

 

[Anna]

1. That I never knew I had so many friends. Why did no-one tell me before? Apparently I am best mates with the lollipop lady/man - even
though I have no children to take to school, and have never spoken to her/him before I must buy her/him a present for
Christmas/birthdays/anniversaries, etc.
2. Same as above for all the teachers.
3. That I must buy something that I am not even interested in or afford, just in case it sells out, I must just buy it now so hurry up, do it
before the break - just do it this very second. I am looking at you Flinty!
4. I am not complete if I don't have 50 potions and lotions to put on my body area every day before I leave the house.
5. Likewise I am not complete if I don't have the same amount of potions to remove said potions above at night.
6. I have to have a 'collection' of every item they sell - be it jewellery, beauty products, clothes, shoes, handbags, etc.
7. I need a pressie drawer - stocked to the brim with items bought from QVC - for people I know and those I don't.
8. That I must have 800 TC on my bed - nothing else will do - especially not that tat bought in the High Street.
9. That my plants will not survive/grow without Richard Jackson's products, and that when I use them my flowers will be the size of dinner
plates and I will be the envy of my neighbours.
10. I can dress things up and down without worrying I will look silly, and that QVC's fashion is right on trend and is right for me - a man who
looks and dresses like Worzel Gummidge told me this.

 

[Vienna]

1. I must have no taste because I dislike patent bags, LE, LG and Bare Minerals.
2. I must be psycho because I actually enjoy visiting the DHS and trying things on before I buy.
3. I must be tight fisted because I don`t buy gifts for the window cleaner, dustmen and next door neighbours.
4. I must be a crap cook because I won`t pay £20 for a pie or a small fortune for a few small joints or chops.
5. I must be a wizened old loner because I don`t see Q presenters as my friends or family no matter how many times they smile or tell me things.
6. I must be a technophobe because I prefer the off button on a TV and don`t own an ipad nor have downloaded the app.
7. Lastly I must be an adult cos I exercise my right NOT to buy and don`t swallow one ounce of their hype !

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I've found out that I have no life whatsoever as I have not got the '000000s of apps available with every tech item sold by Q. Why is it that that is the first words out of Lee, that Abbie one, and all their cronies.

 

[Starlight]

I have learned that I should pay extortionate prices for 'designer' garments (Yong Kim - who may or may not exist) that look like an old rag and come in drab shades that serfs wore in Medieval times, because I can wear about 10 layers of them, knotting them as I go - if my size isn't in stock, no fear, any old size will do, it will still look great apparently!! I can throw them in the washing machine and then scrunch them up into a ball and just leave to dry. If a dog or cat or child decides to drag or kick it around the garden it will still be fine, in fact the more creases the better!! :mysmilie_14:

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I have found out that I must have a duvet both under and over me in bed

And that the more medical scientific Latin sounding names in a beauty product the more expensive it will be.

 

[Loverofquiet]

That if you are working in a job which makes you feel depressed, but well-paid, you should not subscribe to Sky and find QVC.
That you can cheer yourself out of a depression by buying brilliantly coloured Indigo Moon jackets and stretchy polyester Kim, which will also make your friends say "Have you lost weight?"
When you retire from depressing job, you have time to organise your cluttered house, and buy hundreds of Lock and Locks. You then have to find a place to put the big cardboard boxes of Lock and Locks, which you do not use because all the L and L containers are too small to hold anything useful.
When you retire you open your wardrobe and realise you will never wear the colourful clothing because it looks hideous and you seem to have got much fatter. The Indigo Moon with overtones of exotic India has morphed into something made in a Pakistani sweatshop. You know no one will say your bulging tummy and thighs look like you have lost weight, just stretched to bursting point the colourful polyester Kim. This has also changed from lively delicate feminine floral print into some fabric fit only for upholstering enormous sofas.
You decide to go on a cruise as the only possible place to wear Indigo Moon is at the Captain's Table, where you will look colourful in an eccentric and vivacious way. When on cruise you realise everyone else is wearing elegant clothing in subdued colours bought from M&S and you look like a fat prat.

 

[JR's Ego]

1. Diamonique stones DO crack and chip
2. I would rather carry something heavy home post purchase from shop than carry something heavy to the post office to return to qvc, costing a fortune
3. I would rather buy two items from a shop without being limited to same shade/size
4. There is always a place to find a product cheaper than qvc, even if its a TSV
5. A TSV is NOT VALUE when the reduction is just barely minus the stated P&P
6. More people than I thought have a second home or downstairs cloakroom
7. Kim & co floral designs were once stretch covers for Sofas


and two things QVC should learn...

1. A crisp white t-shirt and jeans went out in 1989
2. The customer is NOT always depressed, lonely, disabled, or deserves a 'treat'
3. The viewer watches with an interest in buying a product, not to hear about a presenter talk about their lovely pet, their tropical holiday or books due to be published

 

[Loverofquiet]

Things I have learned about exercise machines.
That larger ones such as the Pilates Reformer and that other big Total Trainer one should come with coat hangers already attached, as that will be what they inevitably end up being used for.
The smaller ones, such as the pilates rubber thingummy which attaches to a door post you dare not use for fear of damaging the house.
The other smaller ones such as the legs together squeeze thing you dare not use for fear of damaging yourself.
That anything advertised by an American such as Tony Little or the scraggy woman with the screeching voice will give you something called a firm butt or tiny buns, whatever they are. In fact they do not give you anything as when unpacked in Manchester, rather than sunny California, they no longer seem to hold such promise.
That when looking at Margerine or JF demonstrating exercise equipment it is possible to have a momentary glow of feeling good, thinking "So there are worse looks than chubby, then."
That you can need a knee arthroscopy as a result of having a meniscus tear, which you strongly suspect to be caused by the very machines which promised to "rehab" you from injury.
That when you finally decide to throw out all your expensive machines, the scrap metal man does not offer you even a fraction of the money you spent on them, but requests a fee to take them to the tip.

 

[Elliementary]

Reading the posts on this forum is more fun than watching QVC

Wonderful thread; great to see it resurrected! :mysmilie_8:

I have learned many things from the Q, the majority of which can only be discussed post-watershed.

The one I'm studying at the moment, is that heel height affects physical leg-length, and that if a skirt is above a model's knee when she is wearing heels, it will fall below the knee when she wears flats.

Then there's the one that, if an item of clothing can be worn in more than one way, it will look like a different dress/skirt/trouser/piece of carp.

But the lesson I am struggling with most is, "why don't I turn the television off, and go and do something more interesting instead", or something like that.
Oh yes, and STOP PURCHASING STUFF I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED. :mysmilie_13:

Thank you. I feel better after that.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Things I have learned about exercise machines.


That when looking at Margerine or JF demonstrating exercise equipment it is possible to have a momentary glow of feeling good, thinking "So there are worse looks than chubby, then."

LOQ,

I feel so much better reading this whilst stuffing my face with crisps!

 

[mr tom]

1) children will always come to you as soon as they have created a stain in a carpet... so it will be easy to remove as long as you buy qvc merch

2) after having a beauty month... we are in dire need of a beauty day

3) every month is beauty month

4) if we put the same 10 product brands on rotation, no one will notice.

5) if you spend £300 on a lulu Guinness product, you don't just get her philosophy, you also get her. Therefore... she must be busy.

6) qvc will do price comparisons using the brand's own website... despite this being a regular practise of bid tv and notoriously shady.

7) Alison young cannot read her own emails out... so employs some twerp to do so.

 

[Loveinamist]

And Nicola Gewirtz's has learnt never to expect one of her shows to go smoothly!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

And that before applying Q brand make up you will have greasy pulled back hair, grumpy look, unsmiling/yellow teeth , look 20 years older and then suddenly after applying said slap you will also get a new hair do, teeth job and learn how to smile.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

That if you have chesticles like Joy you must swish the hem of everything in order to get air to places said chesticles are preventing from getting natural daylight.

Or flap your arms like a bird in take off.

 

[mr tom]

8) if qvc is offering 3 easy pay's... this isn't to let you pay in three instalments .. it's actually so you can buy three of the product (and they think they have talked you into it) and pay for one each month at a time.

9) debbie flint is the master of suggesting number 8.

 

[Bid Up Side Down]

Why buy expensive excercise equipment when to get fit all you have to do is 'Jump on the phones'...

Things I have learned about exercise machines.
That larger ones such as the Pilates Reformer and that other big Total Trainer one should come with coat hangers already attached, as that will be what they inevitably end up being used for.
The smaller ones, such as the pilates rubber thingummy which attaches to a door post you dare not use for fear of damaging the house.
The other smaller ones such as the legs together squeeze thing you dare not use for fear of damaging yourself.
That anything advertised by an American such as Tony Little or the scraggy woman with the screeching voice will give you something called a firm butt or tiny buns, whatever they are. In fact they do not give you anything as when unpacked in Manchester, rather than sunny California, they no longer seem to hold such promise.
That when looking at Margerine or JF demonstrating exercise equipment it is possible to have a momentary glow of feeling good, thinking "So there are worse looks than chubby, then."
That you can need a knee arthroscopy as a result of having a meniscus tear, which you strongly suspect to be caused by the very machines which promised to "rehab" you from injury.
That when you finally decide to throw out all your expensive machines, the scrap metal man does not offer you even a fraction of the money you spent on them, but requests a fee to take them to the tip.