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merryone

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Jun 24, 2008
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I am fortunate to have a handful of really good friends, a couple are old schoolmates, a couple are people I've met at places I've worked in the past, friends I've made through other friends, school mums and then the friends I've made at my current workplace!

Thinking about the friends I've made at my current workplace, there's really only a couple I'd consider to be proper friends ie those I'd actually stay in touch with should they or I leave that place of work. One has become a close friend by default really, don't get me wrong there's a lot I like about her, but she is what I call "high maintenance"...I know I see her regularly at work, but she's not one of those friends you can not see for ages, then get together and pick up exactly where you left off, she needs "constant feeding" so to speak....and I wonder to myself whether I would actually allow the friendship to fizzle out. It's not just that, personality wise we're very very different, I know this can work in relationships but I feel I have to mind my Ps and Q's around her, and say "the right thing!" She's also one of those people who can be seemingly "funny with you" for no obvious reason...you'll ask her if everything's ok, and she'll say "fine" and turn her back on you, try and approach her again and she'll say quite abruptly "I told you,everything's fine" and walk off again...you'll be stood there scratching your head wondering what the flamin' heck you've done to offend her. She'll get over herself quite quickly though and will act as though nothing has happened and the strop won't be mentioned again...strange..and disconcerting!
She does keep stuff to herself a lot, but I think if I were in a bad mood for whatever reason and somebody asked me if I'm ok, and that person had nothing to do with the reason I'm unhappy I'd say..no but don't worry it's nothing you've said!!! Or if indeed they were the cause of my upset, I'd be frank about it and say...eg..I wasn't very happy about this that or the other..and get it out into the open. Most sensible adults will try and sort out their differences with out resorting to sulking and stropping around!
A couple of days ago this lady pinged her group of workmates, me included an invite to her flat warming party..I pinged back immediately thanks, yes I'd love to come and that was it. I was at work yesterday when I met another colleague,Mandy who said " Do you know what's up with Karen?" I said no..but I've not actually seen her today yet...she went on to say she'd seen her on the shopfloor and said hi and was ignored, so Mandy said "you alright Karen?" Fine she replied and turned on her heel..Mandy concerned went after her and said you sure you're ok...Yep fine, she tried to walk off and Mandy tried to engage her in conversation and said thanks for the invite is it stil on? " Dunno" she said and walked away!!! Poor Mandy was scratching her bonce, having absolutely no clue as to what she'd done to elicit this rudeness!!!!
I saw her a little later in the day,she was nice as pie...so I thanked her again for the invite,and she said yes, should be good glad you can come...just weird...but it makes me uneasy 'cause I feel it easily could've been me who got the short shrift!!!..and believe me I have done on a few occassions!
When you work with a "friend" I think it's a lot harder...My other couple of mates at work are completely different thank God, you can relax around them for a start!!!
 
Not saying that this is what happened but it could be an explanation...Maybe Mandy didn't acknowledge the invite immediately. You can see when somebody's received and actually read a message you've sent them. I'd be disappointed not to have got as much as an acknowledgement..but I think I'd have probably just said next time I saw them "did you not get my invite?" and see what their reaction was. If they came up with a geniune sounding apology for not responding I'd be ok with that, but if they were dismissive..I'd probably say oh well up to you and not bother inviting them in future..but there's no way I'd just go into a sulky strop and leave them wondering what they'd done! Honestly though why are people so pig blooming awkward? Mandy's a lovely lady and anyone that knows her would realise that she'd never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings!
 
Seemed that Mandy had done nothing as next time they spoke, she was fine with her, she attended the party and had a nice evening with the rest of us!!! But some people eh? My definition of a friend is someone who's "there for you" through thick and thin, listens and well as talks, fun to be with, pick up where you left off even if you've not seen each other for a while, tells you what's bothering them, especially if it's something you can put right...Not someone who without explanation can be "off" with you, distant, and rude for no reason other than the fact they got out of bed the wrong side that morning! And a friend to me most certainly needs to be someone you can "be yourself around"!
 
It can be an absolute minefield when dealing with invitations particularly in the "instant" electronic age. Maybe the inviter had expectations of a "by return" response, and was then miffed with any who didn't reply that quickly. I think if you are the kind of person who is going to be touchy about the speed of response, then you are going to be frequently in a bad mood. If you have a deadline by when you need a reply (with a perfectly reasonable catering in general or catering for any dietary requirements the most likely reason) then it's a good idea to say so up front, I think.

On the other hand, there may have been something else that p***ed off your would-be host.

Friends should be able to call each other out about that sort of behaviour, and be honest about what is upsetting them. If that's not the case, I'd be revising them back to acquaintances or work colleagues! Nobody needs that sort of aggro.
 
It can be an absolute minefield when dealing with invitations particularly in the "instant" electronic age. Maybe the inviter had expectations of a "by return" response, and was then miffed with any who didn't reply that quickly. I think if you are the kind of person who is going to be touchy about the speed of response, then you are going to be frequently in a bad mood. If you have a deadline by when you need a reply (with a perfectly reasonable catering in general or catering for any dietary requirements the most likely reason) then it's a good idea to say so up front, I think.

On the other hand, there may have been something else that p***ed off your would-be host.

Friends should be able to call each other out about that sort of behaviour, and be honest about what is upsetting them. If that's not the case, I'd be revising them back to acquaintances or work colleagues! Nobody needs that sort of aggro.

From what I can gather her outburst of rudeness had nothing to do with anything, I believe that she had some bad news, and Mandy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course it's horrible to get bad news and I appreciate that some people prefer not to talk about their problems, but even so I still think however bad you are feeling that you owe your friends or colleagues basic common courtesy! This particular lady is very guarded when it comes to talking about personal stuff, but will post tons of quotes and memes on social media which of course illicit a fair few "What's up Hon?" responses, "call me's" etc etc, but she never responds to anyone's questions....Odd!
The bit I've higlighted is so true, and let's face it most of us would challenge our non workplace friends and if the problem couldn't be resolved then we'd quietly "drop them" from our lives and move on. It's the workplace thing. Here we're talking about someone you're gonna have to see on a daily basis whether you like it or not, so it's always much nicer if you are on friendly terms. Reverting these people back to colleague status is easier said than done once that friendship has been there, especially if the person in question has the ability to make you feel unhappy and confused!!! I this particular case I'm not quite sure how she'd react to somebody calling her out on her behaviour - If she reacted badly - Then it wouldn't be so easy to say...Oh well sod you then. Unless a whole group of us talked to her, which could be seen as bullying/intimidation then the person brave enough to say something will be the Pariah! Sadly I'm not brave enough to be that person, so I will put up and shut up and take the rough with the smooth for the sake of my sanity in the workplace. I've never met anyone as stubborn as this lady, she's not all bad don't get me wrong but I certainly don't feel all that relaxed in her company!
 

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