I think the only way is not to go in the first place -this mates parties are difficult to get out of. Every Christmas she invites a bunch of ladies round to her place basically to drink loads and listen to loud Christmas music. I usually leave around 9.30 cause I’m not a big drinker and her parties are specifically designed for getting bladdered, not only that it’s a walk and a train ride from mine. For some reason she requested that everyone met at 2pm in her local pub and then go onto hers to start the party at 4. Starting this early is never a good idea for me so I told her I’d be there at around 5 ( still earlier than I’d have liked, but even so). I made sure I had some dinner and armed myself with a few cans of premade g&ts as she asks people to bring their own drinks and doesn’t do a buffet. To cut a long story short by the time I got there most of them were rolling drunk and all sitting round her front room listening to extremely loud music. I was bored stiff after 5 minutes- one of the women was so pi$$ed that she fell over and sent a side table flying and a bottle of wine a bottle of beer. I offered to clean it up and my mate said don’t worry I’ll do it tomorrow- I ignored her and cleaned it up - least it was something to do lol! I managed to stick it out till 8.30 when another member of the party said she felt sick and needed to stagger home so I said I’d walk with her cause she lived near the station! Omg - I love my mate she’s 47 but a lot of her mates/colleagues are years younger and she tries to keep up with them. All over for another year hurrah!
How to survive a boring party!
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Don’t get me wrong- I love this woman to bits but prefer seeing her one to one or in a smaller group. She has these traditions that she likes to uphold and her Christmas party is one of them - same playlist, not always the same people and after God knows how many years I’d be more than happy to give it a miss. She doesn’t have kids and through the years her friends and peers have all settled down, started families and some have moved away- apart from the odd few left she’s picking up friends who are years younger than herself- and it doesn’t help that her fellas a good few years her junior- so she’s hanging out with a much younger crowd. I can’t be doing with screaming and whooping on a Saturday night - give me strictly and a cuppa!
maymorganlondon
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What a shame, but at least she's still trying to be sociable. It must be exhausting to try and keep up with younger folks with faster recovery times.
I think you have a kind heart, and I'm sure she appreciated you coming over, even for a short while.
I just wonder at what point going out with your mates stopped being about going out with your mates? In recent times it seems the main aim is to get bladdered, and the socialising is just the fig leaf.
I think you have a kind heart, and I'm sure she appreciated you coming over, even for a short while.
I just wonder at what point going out with your mates stopped being about going out with your mates? In recent times it seems the main aim is to get bladdered, and the socialising is just the fig leaf.
Oh, I know and I really appreciate that she tries to get people together. Unlike me she loves having loads of people around her. I love company but prefer one to ones or small groups.
I cannot remember the last time I went out with the intention of getting drunk, teens/early twenties I should imagine! I'm not saying that I've not actually got drunk since then...far from it, you know how it is, the drinks are flowing nicely, the conversation is flowing nicely, the music's just up your street etc etc, but the older I've become I do prefer to avoid situations where drink is the soul focus of the day or evening. I love a pub quiz, but I don't particularly like going to pubs just for a drink, the odd pitstop during an arduous shopping trip's ok. I like to go out for a meal, a concert, to see a show, bowling, and occasionally bingo...what I'm saying is that I'm hard work and like to be entertained these days lol! Don't get me wrong, I love putting the world to rights with a friend or two over a glass of wine - but not being stuck in a loud environment where conversation's impossible and everybody around you are acting like idiots!
Like I said my friend seems to be hanging out with a younger and younger crowd because her older mates have commitments and like me perhaps have grown out of wanting to be among crowds of drunken people. A bit tipsy is one thing, but being so bad that you're falling over is quite another! With age I cannot take a hangover the way I used to be able to, in fact I'll struggle the next day even if I've simply had a late night and haven't drunk anything at all - I need a good 7-8 hours sleep.
My leaving early was ok because by the time I left, my friend was in no fit state to notice what was going on, and there was still plenty of people left, the lady I walked back to the station with thankfully wasn't sick as the cold night air was just what she needed! Was very glad to get home though and as usual I had a cup of tea and wound down with some classic fm in bed - my perfect antidote to a loud and sadly unenjoyable evening!
Went out again last night with the family to see the Bootleg Beatles in concert - talk about the opposite of the night before, entertaining and thoroughly enjoyable!
Of course when you book something like this, it's because it's something you really fancy seeing, and looking forward to it is a lovely feeling. Getting ready to turn out to something you pretty much know you're not gonna enjoy - not so much. I was talking to Oh on the day and he said, I'm sure you'll have a good time when you get there, I sadly had to disagree with him as I said I knew exactly what it was gonna be like. He said well don't go then, make an excuse, tell her you're not feeling too good. I have to say that I was tempted to do this, but I just felt too guilty to lie, and would have to stick to a story. The cold truth would break her, even if I put it as nicely and politely as I could. I know what these get togethers mean to her, and believe me it's the world, and when people have cancelled saying they're unwell, she often disbelieves them and gets herself really upset about it.
I think it's great that she likes to get people together unfortunately her idea of a party and mine aren't the same. I'd be laying on a buffet, arranging some silly games, I'd make some cocktails, perhaps set aside an area where people can chill and chat if they're not joining in the activities. Sadly my flat is far too small to accommodate that sort of thing, so if I invite people to ours it'll be for a meal around the table and possibly a board game afterwards. My friend does have plenty of scope to do this sort of thing, but for her it's a case of pile into the front room take a chair or sit on the floor and get yourself bladdered!
Would a party planning book be an obvious Xmas present lol?!
Of course when you book something like this, it's because it's something you really fancy seeing, and looking forward to it is a lovely feeling. Getting ready to turn out to something you pretty much know you're not gonna enjoy - not so much. I was talking to Oh on the day and he said, I'm sure you'll have a good time when you get there, I sadly had to disagree with him as I said I knew exactly what it was gonna be like. He said well don't go then, make an excuse, tell her you're not feeling too good. I have to say that I was tempted to do this, but I just felt too guilty to lie, and would have to stick to a story. The cold truth would break her, even if I put it as nicely and politely as I could. I know what these get togethers mean to her, and believe me it's the world, and when people have cancelled saying they're unwell, she often disbelieves them and gets herself really upset about it.
I think it's great that she likes to get people together unfortunately her idea of a party and mine aren't the same. I'd be laying on a buffet, arranging some silly games, I'd make some cocktails, perhaps set aside an area where people can chill and chat if they're not joining in the activities. Sadly my flat is far too small to accommodate that sort of thing, so if I invite people to ours it'll be for a meal around the table and possibly a board game afterwards. My friend does have plenty of scope to do this sort of thing, but for her it's a case of pile into the front room take a chair or sit on the floor and get yourself bladdered!
Would a party planning book be an obvious Xmas present lol?!
We're just into September and the "Xmas party" invites have been sent, my friend is already a little miffed as one of her work mates said something along the lines of wow, bit early to be thinking about Christmas, ask me a bit nearer the time! On the surface it's a little rude I guess, but this girl is fully aware that her party isn't really a party with any effort put into it, it's a case of bring your own booze and sit in her front room and get hammered. This has given her a proper bee in her bonnet, leading her to say that the girl is too high maintenance and expects to be entertained. I've decided that it's too early to tell her that I've already got plans for that date (Dec 17th), as it's quite possible she'll change it to accommodate me. I don't want to go, but on the other hand I don't want to upset her - I guess I'll have to think of a plausible excuse nearer the time.
I actually suggested that perhaps instead of having everybody pile around hers, that we organise an evening out to remove the stress from her, that was met with a resounding "No" as it wouldn't be "her" xmas party. I was unable to respond with something that wouldn't be hurtful eg, If you're saying it's a party, then make it a party, put on some food, borrow a karaoke machine, lay on some silly games, make some cocktails. Don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with inviting a bunch of people to your house for the evening, but when you're putting out invites three months in advance, then people will expect a proper party. Like I said before, I do appreciate that she makes an effort to get people together, but she doesn't seem to "get" that people don't necessarily want to diarise something so mundane months in advance. I think if you're going to organise a party, then it needs to have some kind of "hook". It could be a dinner party, karaoke, cocktail party, fancy dress and effort needs to be put into it from the host. If you want to invite a few mates round to yours for a booze up, give them a week or two's notice and you can't go wrong!
I actually suggested that perhaps instead of having everybody pile around hers, that we organise an evening out to remove the stress from her, that was met with a resounding "No" as it wouldn't be "her" xmas party. I was unable to respond with something that wouldn't be hurtful eg, If you're saying it's a party, then make it a party, put on some food, borrow a karaoke machine, lay on some silly games, make some cocktails. Don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with inviting a bunch of people to your house for the evening, but when you're putting out invites three months in advance, then people will expect a proper party. Like I said before, I do appreciate that she makes an effort to get people together, but she doesn't seem to "get" that people don't necessarily want to diarise something so mundane months in advance. I think if you're going to organise a party, then it needs to have some kind of "hook". It could be a dinner party, karaoke, cocktail party, fancy dress and effort needs to be put into it from the host. If you want to invite a few mates round to yours for a booze up, give them a week or two's notice and you can't go wrong!
madaunty
Quietly, Very Confused
Absolutely, you (I) need to know exactly what is expected from you (me). That way you (I) can be absolutely sure that you (I) ain’t gonna be going and can get your (my) refusal in early
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maymorganlondon
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What a minefield Merryone!
The advance notice is almost on a par with retailers, starting Christmas prep early. I suppose your friend would like to have something to look forward to if she's like the many of us who don't really look forward to the festive season.
The advance notice is almost on a par with retailers, starting Christmas prep early. I suppose your friend would like to have something to look forward to if she's like the many of us who don't really look forward to the festive season.
I can't be drinking like that these days, I get migraines anyway, why would I want to voluntarily give myself a bad head and all the accompanying nausea etc. I would have to make my excuses and apologies. I think you are very kind. You have friends who don't consider that other people have moved on from what they once enjoyed. The one with the peculiar birthday that replicates her 21st, not the same woman is it?
Yep, one and the same!
She loves the festive season anyway, but she does like something to look forward to. I guess you could call her "pro-active"! She's not one to wait and see which way the wind's blowing and will "organise" something months in advance to make sure she gets in there first by getting people to commit as it's unlikely that their diaries will be full at that stage. If she starts a tradition, then that's it set in stone and no amount of coaxing or helpful suggestions will make her change, or tweak. She'll make an initial effort to try and get people together, and I applaud that, but sadly that's as far as it goes, the (non) events are becoming a chore for her friends & family and she refuses to recognise this, that, or she's actually completely oblivious to the fact!
She's the one who booked a holiday abroad during the height of covid, and then was angry when the country went on the red list and was cancelled, she had a hell of a job getting a refund as she'd booked flights and accommodation separately. When I asked her why she took such a risk, she said she wanted something to look forward to.
Everything aside, I think she needs a bit more self belief . I rather think that she's afraid that if she doesn't make the first move, that no one will ever bother contacting her or invite her to things - I'm sure that wouldn't happen. I'm pretty sure most of her friends and family would sooner take up a casual invite over to hers for a drink, or to meet up in a pub than be expected to commit themselves months and months beforehand. She will never change, but as I said before, it helps to talk here!
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