Am I boring you?

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merryone

Registered Shopper
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
6,216
Location
brighton
I shall start by saying that I realise that I do "go on a bit" on here and what I say could be viewed as being quite rich , BUT I am aware that something written on a forum such as this gives a person a choice to skim read, or not read at all. In person it's all very different being trapped in a room with somebody who's droning on about a subject in which you have little or zero interest in, is going into far more detail than is necessary, is speaking with the speed of a Gatling gun or in extremely slow monotones.
My house guest - A guy I met through a friend at my 80's festival, lovely guy, friendly, generous, totally into his music, enthusiastic and despite him no longer being in touch with my friend, we've remained in touch and still go to the festival together with another friend of mine who's also become good friends with him. We usually try and meet up before the festival and he stays at ours as we have a spare room. The biggest problem with him is that he does love the sound of his own voice and does speak extremely slowly and is a fan of the dramatic pause. Quite often one will mistakenly think that he's finished speaking and try and get a word in, and he'll put his finger up and say "ah" or "but wait" and then carry on speaking. He loves to talk about cooking for example and will describe a recipe that he's made and his description is probably as long as it takes to actually produce the dish. My oh tolerates his company but has nothing in common with him, so he's usually quite happy when we take him out somewhere for the day or evening. This time around we noted that he is getting worse. He arrived, dropped off his case in the spare room. We offered him a coffee and began the usual small talk as in "how was the journey" "what've you been up to?" Then he started, he opened up the photos on his phone and showed us a pic of a small scrap of paper with some plans (building dimensions) written on it I said ok what's that? He went on to say that he'd ripped out his old kitchen and built a new one from scratch. Now anyone with an ounce of awareness would have said "Yeah I ripped out my old kitchen and installed a new one" I'm pretty proud of myself then would perhaps show a couple of before/after shots. This would invite questions and praise and the conversation would peter out within 5 minutes or so. Hell no! Not only did we get pictures of rubble sacks and basically what was hour by hour progress, throughout the visit he showed literally everybody we came into contact with over the few days he stayed!
Our mutual friend who did us the barbecue on the Sunday has a mildly autistic daughter and very autistic son who is very unsociable and spends most of his waking hours in his room playing video games, on this occasion he came down into the garden to join us. He showed the plans to our mate in the same detail that he afforded to myself and oh, got into a deep conversation with mates daughter about music and that seemed to be going well. We started taking plates inside and as it'd turned a bit chilly we said lets go inside. He said I'll just have a ciggie and I'll be in a bit. Daughter and son stayed at the table with him. About 10 minutes later, my mates son came screaming into the front room literally tearing his hair saying "shut up shut up shut up" Does that guy ever shut up, does he ever get to the f'ing point? Poor lad was in sensory overload and had to go upstairs and lie down! Few minutes later the daughter followed and muttered "sorry, but I'm done!" I said to my mate look I'll take him home, she said you don't have to go, I said I think I'd better to save everybody's sanity!
I told him we were going as son was feeling unwell - He struck up a conversation with a random on the bus - I could see him reaching for his phone, but thankfully our stop was approaching by then and we had to get off! I cannot believe the lack of self awareness. I still like him but he is getting worse and maybe next years meet up will have to be on neutral territory! We can't stay at his because he rents a room from a mate. Must be nice for his mate to have someone who can rebuild your kitchen though!
 
I don't watch the vast majority of the shopping channels except Create and Craft and occasionally QVC so I don't read all the threads on here. But If I see that you've started a thread I always read it. I love the quirky mix of your acquaintances and their antics LOL! I find your posts entertaining _ hopefully that doesn't come over as rude!
 
Thanks for the kind comments, believe it or not I do have a few unremarkable friends who are just straightforward good company but to talk about them, well that would be a bit boring I guess! Lee (my house guest) used to be a very heavy smoker but has since discovered vaping, him being him, not content with just going into a shop and buying a unit and some liquid, he's turned it into a hobby where he builds his own vaping contraptions, & mixes his own liquids. All very techy stuff and I admire him for that, but nobody wants to see his coils and get a blow by blow (pun intended) account of how to make a d.i.y vape. A couple of years ago I took him down to our local pub to see a drag cabaret night. We went out into the pub garden to have a vape to find one of the "queens" who'd just come off stage having a cheeky vape, he approached him and started talking vape the conversation started off in a fairly innocuous manner, have you managed to give up the ciggies? what's your favourite flavour liquid? then he started getting "technical". A good 10 minutes later the "queen" said in an exasperated tone "I only came out for a quick vape" My mate said "So you don't wanna see me coils then!" The guy replied "Ooh I wondered when you were gonna get to the f*%king point?"! and he sashayed off. No harm done, but I remember feeling a bit nervous about how this exchange was gonna turn out! Drag queens can be very acerbic (and honest)!
 
Not quite related to this topic, but I didn't want to start a new one.

I live at the very end of a close, down a driveway, so my house can't even be seen from the road.

This means I am very isolated. I am on good terms with my neighbours but hardly ever see them. We only chat if they happen to be in their front gardens when I walk up to the shops, and they are very rarely in their gardens so it is not very often.

It is the same with my other neighbours further up the road, we chat if we meet each other by chance when I am walking to the shops.

The neighbour I speak to most often (as she is often tending to her front garden) so we have pleasant chats, and the same with her husband.

Yesterday I was walking up the road to the shops and yet another neighbour was coming down in his car and stopped me for a chat. I was devastated to hear from him (and he was extremely surprised that I didn't already know) that the woman I speak to most often had died about 4 days earlier.

If I hadn't been going up to the shops as he was coming down I would still not have known, no-one had bothered to tell me. They probably knew themselves as they are less isolated than me.

Funnily enough, she intended coming to the coronation lunch, but didn't t because her husband wasn't very well that day, and I hadn't seen her for at least a week before this, so at least 3 weeks ago.

Obviously her husband is devastated (according to the man who told me) so my sadness doesn't compare to his grief, but I feel very sad that we will never again have our friendly chats. BTW I guess she was in her sixties and had a heart attack.
 
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Strato, what a shame. But unless people see you socialising with someone they don't necessarily realise you'd care. Or, conversely, they assumed you knew but didn't like to treat someone's death as a piece of gossipy news.
Merryone, you have a gift of drawing a brilliant pen portrait of your quirky friends and acquaintances. I suspect your visitor may well be somewhere on the spectrum to be so oblivious to social cues! Don't stop posting about them.
 
Strato, what a shame. But unless people see you socialising with someone they don't necessarily realise you'd care. Or, conversely, they assumed you knew but didn't like to treat someone's death as a piece of gossipy news.
Merryone, you have a gift of drawing a brilliant pen portrait of your quirky friends and acquaintances. I suspect your visitor may well be somewhere on the spectrum to be so oblivious to social cues! Don't stop posting about them.
I've got to admit that when I was writing about this that I was painting a picture of someone who's on the spectrum, maybe we all are to a certain degree, but this has never struck me about him in the past. He's very technically minded, very excited about tech (new and old) but unfortunately I don't think he has a close friend or family member who shares the same interests so will talk it about regardless of what company he's in. I think perhaps he's hoping to stoke interest in others, rather than to bore them to tears. This is why I keep my shopping channel fascination on here rather than talk about it in the outside world! It wouldn't surprise me if he hadn't subscribed to a few techy forums, funnily enough I haven't asked him, but I certainly will when we meet up later in the year! I prefer my conversations to flow naturally, starting off with the usual small talk about the weather and then progressing into whatever subject arises, a little bit of gossip, some plans made and some experiences shared. I most certainly don't want to be given a lecture especially if I haven't even remotely even mentioned the subject. I might ask a question and get an answer with far more detail than I actually need or want, however, if this is the case it's a lot easier to say yes thanks I totally understand how that works now then attempt to change the subject. Flipping no chance when the person has introduced the topic themselves, unless you're prepared to say politely or otherwise I have no interest in what you're saying, then you have to suffer in silence. Sadly, glazing over, rolling ones eyes and yawning is too subtle a hint for many. We were actually amazed that my mate's autistic son managed to hold it together until Lee was out of earshot and we're extremely proud of him!
 
......and yesterday we went to my friend's annual springtime Christmas dinner, nice food, nice conversation (no bragging or condescending treatment) and a couple of silly fun party games. A good day! Very pleased as I've spent all today's energy telling you about "Mr Mogadon"!
 
I too think that most of us have at least some social blind spots!
The best advice for being a good conversationalist is to be interested in others but willing to share of yourself. If you ask a question you are listening, not waiting for your turn to speak. It's not easy.
I am in awe of people who can engage people just with small talk, like the royal family. I think a certain amount of training is involved as well as astronomical amounts of practice!
I think we all need some training in how to clearly but kindly shut down people who are just boring on... and taking it with good grace when we, in turn, are shut down!
Maybe it's a British thing. We have two modes: ridiculously polite and horrendously rude, with no middle ground 😬
 
Am I right in remembering you as Merryweather from the original forum? If so, I liked your posts then and I like them now.
 
Am I right in remembering you as Merryweather from the original forum? If so, I liked your posts then and I like them now.
Yeah that's right, funnily enough I was wondering who you were on the original forum as your posts seemed quite familiar. Have you always been Duke of Cheese? If not who were you before, if you don't mind me asking?
 

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