I love you!

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merryone

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I have noticed how in this day and age those three little words have become bandied around so much they've become almost innocuous. In my day, there was the unconditional love you had for your family, (and I'm not meaning to belittle those who haven't been lucky enough to have a loving family)and then the love you reserve for that special person in your life, be it a husband, wife, partner - I know this probably sounds horribly old fashioned, but way back when for me anyway, the words "I love you" were a massive deal! I remember finding it really difficult to say, practising in front of the mirror, worrying I'd make a fool of myself, the chickening out and not saying it. Remembering the first time my fella said it to me and I somehow managed to stammer the words back to him! To be fair I was pretty young so that obviously had a lot to do with it!
Friends? Now this is the confusing bit - Do i love my friends? I know I couldn't live without them, I think the world of them and in the past they've treated me a darned sight better than the boyfriend I "officially loved"! So why don't I tell them I love them too? I think maybe it's an unspoken phenomenon - Your close and loyal friends are there for you through good and bad and you just know if that makes sense, you know not to take them for granted, to respect them it goes without saying? Am I wrong?
Now though, it seems to me that we say it to everybody and sometimes anyone! One of our work mates is going through a bit of a patch at the mo, and as mates we're all pulling together to try and get her through this, one of them signed off a message on FB "Love you" with a heart, she replied "Love you too" with a heart, most phone calls you hear are signed off with "love you" or when you're talking about someone at work....and someone will say eg " I love Jen" and the cynic in me wants to say "think about what you've just said - Do you actually LOVE Jen?" I guess you've got to differentiate between love, and being "in love" or "in love with".
Still over all think the term I love you has been so heavily diluted it's almost lost it's meaning even though it's often abbreviated to just "love you". The age old question "what is love"? Is even more complex and difficult to explain than it ever was!
 
I say it to my family, although, I didn't until the night before my dad was due to have an aortic aneurism repair, (he came through it thanks be to the skill of the surgeons) and a friend of mine, to whom I was speaking on the phone in anxiety and stress, said what do you want to say to him in case... and she told me to get off the phone to her and ring the hospital right then. I don't often say it to people other than family.
 
My sister is terminally ill with cancer and over the years like all sisters we have had our disagreements, times when we have laughed together, times we have clung to each other when our parents died and times we have supported each other through childbirth, unemployment, broken hearts and sickness.
I must admit we never said those 3 words " I love you " to each other until recently. I used to live next door to her but after my first husband died and several years later I remarried then I moved further afield and I am no longer on her doorstep nor she on mine. I visit her when I can and speak to her almost daily but whenever I visit and I see how her health is failing and her cancer is taking her inch by inch it seem all the more important to share those words as we leave each other.
She`s 70 and her husband who`se 75 isn`t coping too well with her illness and it`s always been her who`se looked after him. He tries his best but I worry about her. Her children both work full time and her grandchildren are too young to chip in with caring for her. For now she is still able to bathe herself feed herself and generally interact as normal even though her pain relief means she`s sleeping far more than she used to do.
I`ve told my husband as her end draws near then I intend to move in and care for her for however long that may be. His first words were of course you must and for that I want to tell him "I love you too". He isn`t a domesticated man, can`t cook for toffee, is happy to live among mess of his own making and doesn`t have a clue what a washing machine or a vacuum cleaner is for but doesn`t have a selfish bone in his body. He knows the love for him will always be there but also the love for my sister has limited time left on Earth.
 
My sister is terminally ill with cancer and over the years like all sisters we have had our disagreements, times when we have laughed together, times we have clung to each other when our parents died and times we have supported each other through childbirth, unemployment, broken hearts and sickness.
I must admit we never said those 3 words " I love you " to each other until recently. I used to live next door to her but after my first husband died and several years later I remarried then I moved further afield and I am no longer on her doorstep nor she on mine. I visit her when I can and speak to her almost daily but whenever I visit and I see how her health is failing and her cancer is taking her inch by inch it seem all the more important to share those words as we leave each other.
She`s 70 and her husband who`se 75 isn`t coping too well with her illness and it`s always been her who`se looked after him. He tries his best but I worry about her. Her children both work full time and her grandchildren are too young to chip in with caring for her. For now she is still able to bathe herself feed herself and generally interact as normal even though her pain relief means she`s sleeping far more than she used to do.
I`ve told my husband as her end draws near then I intend to move in and care for her for however long that may be. His first words were of course you must and for that I want to tell him "I love you too". He isn`t a domesticated man, can`t cook for toffee, is happy to live among mess of his own making and doesn`t have a clue what a washing machine or a vacuum cleaner is for but doesn`t have a selfish bone in his body. He knows the love for him will always be there but also the love for my sister has limited time left on Earth.

You write so eloquently & these words are moving in the extreme. Your love for your sister & your husband shines & I feel humbled after reading your post.
 
You write so eloquently & these words are moving in the extreme. Your love for your sister & your husband shines & I feel humbled after reading your post.

Thanks twilight. It`s a tough time for everybody. My brother in law is a lovely fella but he isn`t one of life`s copers. He`s suffered from OCD for a number of years and his life is ruled by his "rituals". He touches things a certain number of times, rearranges items in certain patterns, can`t leave the house unless he follows certain routines and so on. Because of his illness he can`t cope with having to do things spontaneously, everything has to be planned in a certain order and consequently looking after a sick person is much harder for him than for most people. He can`t help it and my sister has helped him so much with his illness he is now like a ship without a sail because she no longer has the strength to help him.
He also has a drink problem. His OCD depresses him and he tends to hide himself within a whiskey bottle. He doesn`t become a raging drunk or anything like that but he`s gotten into the habit of drinking every afternoon whilst my sister sleeps and every night because she goes to bed early due to her morphine.
It`s all just a bit of a mess and upsetting to the rest of us including her children who`d happily care for their Mum 24/7 but have young families, mortgages and bills to pay so can`t take unlimited time away from their jobs.
 
Sadly my wonderful sister passed away last Thursday and her funeral is next week. She was brave to the end and nobody could have fought harder than she did.

I'm so sorry for your loss Vienna. I lost my darling husband to cancer in February and know what a horrible illness it is. I hope your sister had the pain relief and care she needed. Hugs to you and all the families.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Vienna. I lost my darling husband to cancer in February and know what a horrible illness it is. I hope your sister had the pain relief and care she needed. Hugs to you and all the families.

So sorry for your loss PJ and my first hubby also died of cancer so I know what you both went through. My sister had a rough ride throughout her 2 year battle against this dreadful disease and the end when it came was a blessing.
 
Sadly my wonderful sister passed away last Thursday and her funeral is next week. She was brave to the end and nobody could have fought harder than she did.

I am so sorry for your loss, I have a cousin and she is my sister in all but parents, I can only imagine the sorrow you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you and your family.x
 
Sadly my wonderful sister passed away last Thursday and her funeral is next week. She was brave to the end and nobody could have fought harder than she did.

Vienna, so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family, to her husband and her children and grandchildren. You drew such a beautiful picture of her role in your lives, so the loss will be keenly felt I know. Loving people is hard when you face adversity, but that love is what gives colour and meaning to our lives... the pain of loss is the price for the joy and love our dear ones bring to our lives.

I hope you managed to spend some additional precious time with your sister before the end.
 
Sincere condolences to you both. It’s very hard to see family in distress, it makes you feel so helpless but just being there with an open heart is the best you can do.
 
So sorry for your loss PJ and my first hubby also died of cancer so I know what you both went through. My sister had a rough ride throughout her 2 year battle against this dreadful disease and the end when it came was a blessing.

A similar story to my husband's. Although it wasn't the cancer itself it was other health issues caused by treatment and operations to remove the original tumour. He was so brave throughout his illness, he was in tears one night and asked me why he couldn't just have one thing wrong with him instead of multiple things. The last week of his life he had to cope with having two syringe drivers - they were like having two bricks attached to his body. I didn't want him to die but I couldn't stand watching him struggling to get through each day.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Vienna. I lost my darling husband to cancer in February and know what a horrible illness it is. I hope your sister had the pain relief and care she needed. Hugs to you and all the families.

Pyjama Princess, my condolences to you as well. Cancer is the cruelest of diseases. I hope you are doing OK and have lots of love and support around you.
 
Sadly my wonderful sister passed away last Thursday and her funeral is next week. She was brave to the end and nobody could have fought harder than she did.

Oh no, I’m so very sorry for you loss, my heart is full of sadness for you, thinking of you luv at this sad time xx

Pyjama Princess and that goes for you too, and everyone else who’s suffering loss at this sad time xx
 
Sadly my wonderful sister passed away last Thursday and her funeral is next week. She was brave to the end and nobody could have fought harder than she did.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for her was clear to see every time you wrote about her & you chose two of the best words to describe her - wonderful & brave.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Vienna. I lost my darling husband to cancer in February and know what a horrible illness it is. I hope your sister had the pain relief and care she needed. Hugs to you and all the families.

I am sorry for your loss. All the words in the world don't make any difference so I won't trot out any platitudes, I just hope that you're looking after yourself.
 

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