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[Twilight]

For decades children with additional needs went to special schools, which is why I never knew any SEN children during my schooldays. For many children these are still the best option & for those at the severe end of ASD, who will never be able to function in society without complete support, mainstream schools aren't an option. I've taught quite a number of students who were autistic or had Asperger's, they were a delight in the classroom & I think I learned as much from them as they did from me. The one aspect of their time with us that did concern staff was the silent bullying of being ignored by other kids & I suppose many parents consider that when thinking about mainstream education. We saw many success stories - one is doing his postgraduate study in something I don't understand but is connected with Physics, another has his own cake business & one is cabin crew & a local councillor - difficulty communicating???

 

[shopperholic]

I know that autism has been brought to the fore in the past few decades, but for the life of me I cannot ever remember being at school in the 50's and 60's, or growing up with anyone who had issues that is now considered to be autistic.

I was in school in the 60's and 70's and we had never heard of ADHC or what ever it's call, when I was at school if a child was incapable of paying attention ten minutes in the headmaster's office soon sorted it out, then we had the bleeding heart brigades that took all the power away from teaching staff and handed it to the kids.

I wonder how many childhood conditions or syndromes are invented by drug companies, there's a lot of money to be made selling tablets to keep kids under control.

Over the years there are now cures for cancers doctors didn’t even know existed, I don’t think they were made up for imaginary illness anymore than penicillin was. We’ve learned a lot now about the human body and mind over the years, so were as in the 60s and 70s a child was deemed to be naughty, miss behaved, spoilt, a brat, thankfully we now know that for some children it is something called ADHD or Autism, it’s not some label you can attach to children, it has to be professionally diagnosed which takes years, but then again people used have electricity pumped through them to shock the “gayness” out of them, thank goodness we don’t live in a shroud of ignorance anymore, well most people anyway, for children who are sufferings sake if nothing else.

SusieSue, can’t speak for anyone else but Oscar isn’t on drugs, patience, love and understanding seems to be working just fine.

 

[alter ego]

Over the years there are now cures for cancers doctors didn’t even know existed, I don’t think they were made up for imaginary illness anymore than penicillin was. We’ve learned a lot now about the human body and mind over the years, so were as in the 60s and 70s a child was deemed to be naughty, miss behaved, spoilt, a brat, thankfully we now know that for some children it is something called ADHD or Autism, it’s not some label you can attach to children, it has to be professionally diagnosed which takes years, but then again people used have electricity pumped through them to shock the “gayness” out of them, thank goodness we don’t live in a shroud of ignorance anymore, well most people anyway, for children who are sufferings sake if nothing else.

SusieSue, can’t speak for anyone else but Oscar isn’t on drugs, patience, love and understanding seems to be working just fine.

Funny you should say that.

Now, I strongly dislike my partner's mother. She's an interfering gossip who has caused us many problems. But to give her credit, she's been amazing with her grandsons. If we've been out in a large family get-together without the 'olds' the boys will play up and misbehave in an extremely embarrassing way. Their parents make things worse by shouting and/or ignoring and making it obvious they don't want the boys there.

However, if their nan comes along she'll talk to them calmly and pay attention to them. They react in a totally different manner, will be polite and quiet. It's as if they're different kids!

Turns out you really can blame the parents whether the kids have a diagnosed problem or not.

ETA: my partner tells me she was totally different to him and his siblings as children. He was terrified of his father so wouldn't dare misbehave. He tells me he sees a lot of himself in his nephews and I can see he has some form of autism so it appears it runs in the family. He's very intelligent but wasn't given much of a chance in school, as lots of kids weren't in our days.

If both my partner and his nephews can react to discipline/understanding/a different approach wouldn't others? This and my experience with my friend who is wishing a diagnosis on her son in order to explain away his bad behaviour makes me think that the majority of people these days have simply gone wrong with their parenting (and I use that word loosely).

 

[Twilight]

I saw a young mum with her little girl yesterday in our park. There's a garage directly opposite & they were watching a car in the car wash. She must have been 18 months old & was transfixed, her mum was telling her what was happening & they were making gushing sounds & whirling their arms in the air. I love seeing parents enjoying being with their children, they're young for such a fleeting moment & the smallest things we do with them are often the best. It may be a generalisation but the people we see at football in Accrington are far nicer to their children & have more patience than the ones where we live.

 

[Twilight]

Funny you should say that.

Now, I strongly dislike my partner's mother. She's an interfering gossip who has caused us many problems. But to give her credit, she's been amazing with her grandsons. If we've been out in a large family get-together without the 'olds' the boys will play up and misbehave in an extremely embarrassing way. Their parents make things worse by shouting and/or ignoring and making it obvious they don't want the boys there.

However, if their nan comes along she'll talk to them calmly and pay attention to them. They react in a totally different manner, will be polite and quiet. It's as if they're different kids!

Turns out you really can blame the parents whether the kids have a diagnosed problem or not.

ETA: my partner tells me she was totally different to him and his siblings as children. He was terrified of his father so wouldn't dare misbehave. He tells me he sees a lot of himself in his nephews and I can see he has some form of autism so it appears it runs in the family. He's very intelligent but wasn't given much of a chance in school, as lots of kids weren't in our days.

If both my partner and his nephews can react to discipline/understanding/a different approach wouldn't others? This and my experience with my friend who is wishing a diagnosis on her son in order to explain away his bad behaviour makes me think that the majority of people these days have simply gone wrong with their parenting (and I use that word loosely).

Along with every other aspect of our current crisis I'm heartily fed up with the SAGE boffins constant nag, nag, nag & telling me to behave so I'm not surprised that these boys react badly when being shouted at & we all know how it feels when we're not wanted.

 

[alter ego]

I saw a young mum with her little girl yesterday in our park. There's a garage directly opposite & they were watching a car in the car wash. She must have been 18 months old & was transfixed, her mum was telling her & they were making gushing sounds & whirling their arms in the air. I love seeing parents enjoying being with their children, they're young for such a fleeting moment & the smallest things we do with them are often the best. It may be a generalisation but the people we see at football in Accrington are far nicer to their children & have more patience than the ones where we live.

I love seeing parents like this, too. It's a crying shame to see children having presents heaped on them at Christmas and birthdays but all they really want is a few toys and attention off their parents.

My sister has made her granddaughter-in-law's life miserable since she split with her grandson (he walked out!). She slates her to anyone and everyone as a bad mother but I lived a few doors from them and would always see her out in the garden with the baby/toddler before they moved. She'd play with him and walk around showing him things and explaining on his level. This is more than my sister ever did with her kids and grandkids. She fought tooth and claw to get custody of her grandson when her son walked out on them (history repeating itself there) only to plonk him in front of the telly and moan how busy he was.

It seems to me that parents don't want to do any active parenting these days. They like to show photos and give the impression of being the World's Best mum/dad on social media but when it means doing anything vaguely work-like they just want to moan and ignore.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Children seem to be treated as accessories to be shown off like a handbag. It starts with pregnancy selfies, wonderful for the couple but I sure as hell don’t want your bare belly posted online everyday - keep it to yourself please.
I fully expect in another year or so to see the actual conception posted online.

 

[Deleted member 21102]

I know that autism has been brought to the fore in the past few decades, but for the life of me I cannot ever remember being at school in the 50's and 60's, or growing up with anyone who had issues that is now considered to be autistic.

Where I was at school, for the sake of "the system", you either fitted in or you didn't, and if you didn't, tough. It was always "your" fault if you didn't. It must have been brutal for a lot of people at all ends of the "normal" spectrum, which includes the socially deprived, children with specific problems or conditions, slower learners, gifted children even. You had to fit in in order for "the system" to work. End. I know of some people who've spent a lifetime trying to "fit in" - but fit in with what and who made those rules anyway? Hard times indeed and they affected lives for years to come.

 

[shopperholic]

Autism has been around since time began, it didn’t just pop up in 1990 as an excuse for unruly children. This is how it happened for us, We noticed about the age of one that Oscar was quite withdrawn and when you shouted his name, he’d never acknowledge you, wouldn’t turn round and wouldn’t make eye contact. So his mum and dad took him the doctors to voice their concerns, so Oscar was checked to see if he was deaf, he wasn’t. When he turned one we noticed that he had no interest in playing, and as he was approaching two the doctors and specialists said he should be showing signs of imaginative play, and starting to put a few words together by now like mummy and daddy, but he was making no effort to speak. So coming up to three the specialist went out to observe him at play in his nursery and their centre when by then, the specialists knew, but couldn’t confirm its autism because they need to wait till he’s older. Coming up to four he wasn’t speaking and we were all getting worried we’d never hear his voice, so his mum and dad by then had been using Makaton for a couple of years, it’s a kind of sign language but more to help communication, they also put mood boards around the house so he can point to what he wants to eat, when he needed the toilet, how he’s feeling etc, he also has his sensory toys like things to squeeze. Just as he turned four he started to speak and loved saying “dancing on ice” which is one of the first things we heard him say and from them, it was like someone had popped a ballon and he talked. We were so relieved I can’t even begin to describe. We realised then he was like a little sponge, soaking up everything around him. So through all this his mum and dad are absolutely amazing, still are, always will be. They challenged him, pushed him, helped him, he loves going for long walks in country parks, so his mum and dad do this every week, the list goes on but what I’m a trying to say is, Oscar didn’t kick and scream if he couldn’t get his way, he didn’t spit his dummy out his pram, wasn’t naughty were his mum and dad said “oops he’s naughty so he must be autistic” it took over four years to get that diagnosis and it’s nothing you’d wish on any child. The main things he loves to do are read, write and draw. Main thing is though he’s well loved, extremely clever, kind, loving, just like his mum and dad and the most amazing little boy you’d ever meet.

 

[Deleted member 21102]

What an inspirational post, shops.

 

[SusieSue]

Children seem to be treated as accessories to be shown off like a handbag. It starts with pregnancy selfies, wonderful for the couple but I sure as hell don’t want your bare belly posted online everyday - keep it to yourself please.
I fully expect in another year or so to see the actual conception posted online.

Last year a colleague showed me a picture that one of his friends had posted on Facebook, said friend had just given birth and the picture was of her baby still attached to her by it's umbilical cord, my colleague was shocked to the core.

Over the years there are now cures for cancers doctors didn’t even know existed, I don’t think they were made up for imaginary illness anymore than penicillin was. We’ve learned a lot now about the human body and mind over the years, so were as in the 60s and 70s a child was deemed to be naughty, miss behaved, spoilt, a brat, thankfully we now know that for some children it is something called ADHD or Autism, it’s not some label you can attach to children, it has to be professionally diagnosed which takes years, but then again people used have electricity pumped through them to shock the “gayness” out of them, thank goodness we don’t live in a shroud of ignorance anymore, well most people anyway, for children who are sufferings sake if nothing else.

SusieSue, can’t speak for anyone else but Oscar isn’t on drugs, patience, love and understanding seems to be working just fine.

I absolutely agree, I have a good friend who's grandson has Autism, and I have a niece who is a teaching assistant for children who have ADHD, and another friend who was a councillor to children.

They tell me that love and patience with the children work much better than any drug, sadly though many parents are indifferent or too busy to supply that, preferring instead to go with the easier option of opening a pill packet.

A couple of years ago I watched a documentary and an executive of an American drug company said that they developed drugs then worked out what condition the drugs could be used for and then offer doctors 'incentives' to prescribe the drugs knowing that the medical insurance system in the USA would pay.

They pointed out that there is a lot of money to be made in making people believe they are sick and nothing at all to be made from people that are healthy.

 

[Twilight]

Beautiful words Shopps, straight from your heart

 

[shopperholic]

What an inspirational post, shops.

Beautiful words Shopps, straight from your heart

Thank you both, that’s very kind my forum buddies . Love yeh xx

 

[China Girl]

This forum is full of lovely caring people.

I was talking about things from the past with my son recently, he's in his early 30s, he told me that he couldn't have wished for a better childhood. and it doesn't get better than that!

As a single parent, I must have done a good job.

 

[shopperholic]

This forum is full of lovely caring people.

I was talking about things from the past with my son recently, he's in his early 30s, he told me that he couldn't have wished for a better childhood. and it doesn't get better than that!

As a single parent, I must have done a good job.

As a single parent, I must have done a good job.

Yes CG you certainly did. xx

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Gosh that was a lovely thing to say, especially from an adult son who are usually (not generalising) less open with emotions.

Give yourself a CDM (remember them?)

 

[maymorganlondon]

Parenting is an amateur crime, and there is no "one size fits all rule book" to turn to
Children "child" in their own unique ways, and adults parent best if they focus on the child's individual qualities and needs.
I don't have children myself, but I congratulate and thank those of you who have.
To all of us, as children in our time, we look to our parents as heroes, role models, a harbour in a storm...unless it becomes impossible. There is so much power in being a parent: setting the course of another person's whole life, for better or worse.
My heart goes out to those who have witnessed a love rejected, relationships shrivelling away as siblings, children, or other loved ones destroy the bonds of family.
You can only do your best. No rulebook, remember? You loved them, you tried to do your best for them...but at some point they are responsible for their own choices.
I see good, good people here, and I'm sure it shines out in your everyday lives.

 

[shopperholic]

Gosh that was a lovely thing to say, especially from an adult son who are usually (not generalising) less open with emotions.

Give yourself a CDM (remember them?

I can only speak for our two sons who are 36 and 33 next month, who have no problem with telling me and the husband “love you loads” at the end of every time we speak, and what they write in the birthday, Morhersday, Father’s Day, Christmas cards makes me shed a few tears, every single time. Mind you we’ve always said “love you” tens of times a day when they were growing up so they’re not embarrassed saying it to us, their wives and their children..........Me on the other hand, never got a one off my “mother” when growing up.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I don’t ever remember anyone saying anything loving to me during my childhood.

good behaviour was expected so no praise given and bad behaviour was punished.

I feel really sad writing that.

 

[Twilight]

I don’t ever remember anyone saying anything loving to me during my childhood.

good behaviour was expected so no praise given and bad behaviour was punished.

I feel really sad writing that.

I feel really sad reading that.

I can only speak for our two sons who are 36 and 33 next month, who have no problem with telling me and the husband “love you loads” at the end of every time we speak, and what they write in the birthday, Morhersday, Father’s Day, Christmas cards makes me shed a few tears, every single time. Mind you we’ve always said “love you” tens of times a day when they were growing up so they’re not embarrassed saying it to us, their wives and their children..........Me on the other hand, never got a one off my “mother” when growing up.

My mum's family were physically & verbally demonstrative, my dad's were quite reserved; he was the youngest of five & it was obvious that he was the only one to marry into a warm family. We've always told each other & our girls how much we love each other, never ended the day on an argument or left the house in a mood with each other. Nursery is closed so I'm back to granddaughter sitting two days a week We were watching Moana (again) today & I told her that I loved her, without taking her eyes from the screen she replied that she loved the green lady - Te Fiti, well how could I compete with someone who created the islands of Polynesia?