If you were on selly telly, what role would you take?

ShoppingTelly

Help Support ShoppingTelly:

I shall be the one who thinks I am too good for selly telly so I never prepare for the shows, know nothing about the products and am boooored to death. BUT I too have written a novel so I may not be here much longer.

Meanwhile pass me that bottle of peroxide so I can touch up my SnowvQueen winter wonderland hair.
 
I would be the honest one.

Examples:

1.Abbi, you know you said that radio was British made, so why does it say Made in China on the back?

2. Why is that vacuum cleaner leaving a strip of dirt behind?

3. Why did you say the steam cleaner is removing that burnt on grease so easily, when it is actually gravy browning you sprayed on it an hour ago.

4. Why does that Eek stone look so large on the TV screen, when it is actually minuscule.

5. Why did you rapidly put that torch aside and pick up another one when it didn't come on when you pressed the switch?

6. Dear Mr Boseman, when you are demonstrating blowing out the candles and your head is off camera, why are you blowing them out with your mouth?

And I could go on and on.
 
stratobuddy said:
I would be the honest one.

Examples:

1.Abbi, you know you said that radio was British made, so why does it say Made in China on the back?

2. Why is that vacuum cleaner leaving a strip of dirt behind?

3. Why did you say the steam cleaner is removing that burnt on grease so easily, when it is actually gravy browning you sprayed on it an hour ago.

4. Why does that Eek stone look so large on the TV screen, when it is actually minuscule.

5. Why did you rapidly put that torch aside and pick up another one when it didn't come on when you pressed the switch?

6. Dear Mr Boseman, when you are demonstrating blowing out the candles and your head is off camera, why are you blowing them out with your mouth?

And I could go on and on.
Click to expand...

OH PLEASE get a job there Strato, if only for a week of amusement!!
 
I would be the one that puts all the products out for the next item and makes as much CRASHING and BANGING as I possibly can, dropping things and drowning out the presenters - lol
 
Can't stand wearing heavy make-up, behind the scenes for me!! Producer would be good and I can tell the presenters off for paying too much attention to their so called "friends" :mysmilie_8:ho ho ho!!!!
 
I could be the one who was young and fun and then morphed into a cross between a Goth with my long dark wild hair and a Beatles groupie because I say Yeah yeah yeah before and after every sentence when my voice rises to a pitch were dogs hide.
 
Own up, which ones of you are so hopeless at sales that you will disappear without trace, or a goodbye, or a mention in social media?

You have been replaced to make more air time for me. After filling my huge new house with stuff, bought with my huge earnings. I am able to offer surplus stuff at table top sales for charitee.
 
Last edited:
stratobuddy said:
I would be the honest one.

Examples:

1.Abbi, you know you said that radio was British made, so why does it say Made in China on the back?

2. Why is that vacuum cleaner leaving a strip of dirt behind?

3. Why did you say the steam cleaner is removing that burnt on grease so easily, when it is actually gravy browning you sprayed on it an hour ago.

4. Why does that Eek stone look so large on the TV screen, when it is actually minuscule.

5. Why did you rapidly put that torch aside and pick up another one when it didn't come on when you pressed the switch?

6. Dear Mr Boseman, when you are demonstrating blowing out the candles and your head is off camera, why are you blowing them out with your mouth?

And I could go on and on.
Click to expand...

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE that! You may not last a day because QVC and the truth are not great mates, but while you are there, could you also make a point of quoting ONLY the full price payable, ie including P&P. And stress that the 30 Day Money Back Guarantee is actually a "Partial Refund" as you don't get any of the postage back so it could cost you nearly £10 to try a pair of shoes, for example.
 
stratobuddy said:
I would be the honest one.

Examples:

1.Abbi, you know you said that radio was British made, so why does it say Made in China on the back?

2. Why is that vacuum cleaner leaving a strip of dirt behind?

3. Why did you say the steam cleaner is removing that burnt on grease so easily, when it is actually gravy browning you sprayed on it an hour ago.

4. Why does that Eek stone look so large on the TV screen, when it is actually minuscule.

5. Why did you rapidly put that torch aside and pick up another one when it didn't come on when you pressed the switch?

6. Dear Mr Boseman, when you are demonstrating blowing out the candles and your head is off camera, why are you blowing them out with your mouth?

And I could go on and on.
Click to expand...


And when you read out the five star reviews, you will also tell the viewer that they are greatly outnumbered by the one star reviews.
 
And number 7 on my list:

7. This is today's special value, the guest said it is amazing value, but you can buy it for £100 less from Amazon, and save our exorbitant £9-95 postage. Or, for a few pounds more than Amazon, you could get it from John Lewis and get a no-quibble 2 year guarantee.

8. When comparing our price, don't forget to take account of our "added value" such as free support by phoning a USA number, which is free anyway by ringing Apple on a local number, and a limited time subscription to some magazines, which are mainly American and you've probably never heard of.

9. This item only costs £9-97, but don't forget the £7-95 postage so it is actually £17-92 for some tat you could get in
Poundland for £1. But don't forget, you wouldn't be able to return it to them within 30 days, but you can to us if you pay a few pounds return postage, and we will refund you in about 3 weeks.
 
stratobuddy said:
And number 7 on my list:

7. This is today's special value, the guest said it is amazing value, but you can buy it for £100 less from Amazon, and save our exorbitant £9-95 postage. Or, for a few pounds more than Amazon, you could get it from John Lewis and get a no-quibble 2 year guarantee.

8. When comparing our price, don't forget to take account of our "added value" such as free support by phoning a USA number, which is free anyway by ringing Apple on a local number, and a limited time subscription to some magazines, which are mainly American and you've probably never heard of.

9. This item only costs £9-97, but don't forget the £7-95 postage so it is actually £17-92 for some tat you could get in
Poundland for £1. But don't forget, you wouldn't be able to return it to them within 30 days, but you can to us if you pay a few pounds return postage, and we will refund you in about 3 weeks.
Click to expand...

10) Our fashion is not fashion as defined by any reputable dictionary. It is designed by one American, although we use different names to make you think they different designers. It is 100% combustible acrylic, run up in a Chinese sweat shop from a pattern which the supervisor is reading upside down, as it is not in his language. The fit model is a shapeless lump and we have tried to ensure that nothing in any garment will ever cling to her bumpy figure. You will be forced to rely on internet dating for romance if wearing one of our creations, as no man would ever fancy you in them. But if you are lonely, you can go to upholstery evening classes, using some old garments for recovering furniture.
 
Miss Grumpy said:
10) Our fashion is not fashion as defined by any reputable dictionary. It is designed by one American, although we use different names to make you think they different designers. It is 100% combustible acrylic, run up in a Chinese sweat shop from a pattern which the supervisor is reading upside down, as it is not in his language. The fit model is a shapeless lump and we have tried to ensure that nothing in any garment will ever cling to her bumpy figure. You will be forced to rely on internet dating for romance if wearing one of our creations, as no man would ever fancy you in them. But if you are lonely, you can go to upholstery evening classes, using some old garments for recovering furniture.
Click to expand...

And even though they are all made by the same people in the same factory not 2 garments will be anywhere near the same size.
 
AndiK said:
Actually, I would quite like to be the CEO's assistant but only if he looks exactly like the CEO in the new film "Joy", about the inventor of the Miracle Mop who makes her fortune with QVC (CEO being played by Bradley Cooper)!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-story-Jennifer-Lawrence-s-new-movie-Joy.html

Was the Miracle Mop ever on QVC in the UK, by the way?
Click to expand...

Yep, I had one about 15 years ago and it worked v well until Mr Akimbo used the bucket to mix some sort of cement. Then we bought a polti for our floor-cleaning needs. We still have 2 rolykits which were a Joy mangano product.
 
Miss Grumpy said:
We think you are terrific, thatu. You have a great sense of humour, are obviously very intelligent as well as funny, and you must look great at whatever size you are because you are obviously full of goodwill towards the world and at peace with yourself.
Click to expand...

Now that is ALMOST what I'd call a compliment, Miss G. Just say I'm not fat and it'll be perfect.
 
Akimbo said:
Yep, I had one about 15 years ago and it worked v well until Mr Akimbo used the bucket to mix some sort of cement. Then we bought a polti for our floor-cleaning needs. We still have 2 rolykits which were a Joy mangano product.
Click to expand...

Was he mixing up cement to try his new bricklaying kit out? Is your other half Stratobuddy?
 
Akimbo said:
Yep, I had one about 15 years ago and it worked v well until Mr Akimbo used the bucket to mix some sort of cement. Then we bought a polti for our floor-cleaning needs. We still have 2 rolykits which were a Joy mangano product.
Click to expand...


I LOVE my rolykits. I have four yellow and two blue. Only this Boxing Day, in a tidy up phase, I dug out all my old sewing boxes and arranged cottons, buttons etc in my rolykits, with a huge sense of satisfaction. Over the years various people, including builders, have spotted them, and hinted loudly that they would like them. Hands off, no-one gets my rolykits.
 

Similar threads

M
Skinny shaming
Replies
4
Views
257
merryone
M
M
Am I boring you?
2
Replies
34
Views
2,458
stratobuddy
stratobuddy
M
Not a bragger but a "fisher"
Replies
11
Views
1,019
merryone
M
M
Culinary disasters hopefully a funny story!
Replies
14
Views
826
mediastar
M
M
MBG
Replies
8
Views
1,289
SisterBliss
SisterBliss

Latest posts

Back
Top