Not a bragger but a "fisher"

ShoppingTelly

Help Support ShoppingTelly:

merryone

Registered Shopper
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
6,216
Location
brighton
Uncharacteristically I'm not gonna go into the backstory too much, but my childhood best friend who I'm only in contact with via facebook is doing very well for herself. She's always been a go-getter and will turn her hand to anything and is usually pretty successful despite having only a modicum of talent. She'll work hard to get what she wants and I admire that.
Her latest "project" is singing, she's always liked singing, taught herself how to play the guitar and joined the school band and took part in many a performance. Her singing voice was never terrible as in it was in key and was quite strong as she wasn't afraid to project her voice but she didn't really embark on it seriously in later life. Anyway, she's decided to re-visit this love and has bought herself some rather expensive looking recording stuff and has taken part in a few open mike nights in her local pub. She started to post herself singing in her home studio on FB and yes, her singing is still ok as in it's not reedy or off pitch but her voice has no nuances in tone, it's strong and confident but if I'm honest not very pleasant on the ears. Out of politeness I've clicked the like button once or twice, nowadays I tend to scroll past these posts.
A few days ago a video popped up entitled "My homage to the late great Etta James" having not listened to her warblings for some while - I thought to myself wow that's a big one to tackle, maybe she's gotten a whole lot better I was intrigued so I pressed play. The first two words " At last" sounded fairly good, but then it was belted out in her usual fashion but her voice was clearly struggling and it was seriously hurting my ears - she literally massacred that lovely song! At the end of the performance she said thanks for listening, obviously I'm no Etta (you can say that again love) but I hope I did her justice.
The comments underneath were something else "That's AMAZING Jan" "Omg Jan your singing voice is fantastic" "so talented" "your voice is beautiful" etc etc
Was I hearing something different? I played it to oh, who after a minute or two begged me to turn it off!!!! Unfortunately I've been unable to extract the soundtrack to post it here, but I guess that would've been a little bit wrong.
All I can say is that I'm glad there are people who are prepared to tell her what she wants to hear. I just can't do it. I'm happy to heap praise where it's due, but I don't respond to "fishing" especially when something is so horrendous, I'd sooner say nothing. I couldn't even bring myself around to pressing the like button on this occasion. It was entertaining (for all the wrong reasons) so I'll thank her for that, maybe not in writing though!
What do you think of "fishing for compliments"? Not quite as bad as bragging I guess!
 
That is a tough one to definitively answer. I play the guitar and sing myself, and have done since I was a child. I entertain myself and think I make a reasonable noise. I have played to my partner and one or two other people on a social basis and got good feedback. That said, you do need to know your limitations, where to extend your musical boundaries to, and posting material of your performances on places like FB is potentially opening up yourself to be hurt, I guess. Not everybody is going to accommodate your desire for positive feedback. That in itself can be demoralising if you’re seeking external validation of your talent. Others will gush with high praise and flowery emoticons, but don’t necessarily mean a word or symbol of it. Some people may even be overtly offensive. I would take each particular response with a pinch of salt. The only real way of being certain that you are musically entertaining is to play a gathering of people who have actually paid to see you. But even then, some really high-profile singers still have huge doubts about their talents - even with the positive appraisal of a paying audience.
 
The thing is, as most people who embark on social media careers would probably attest... you can have thousands upon thousands of positive comments. But it's the one or two negative comments you will take to heart.
You are kinder and wiser to say nothing than to contribute a false comment to build up the idea that the singer's abilities are greater than they really are. It just makes those isolated negative comments hurt the more.
 
That is a tough one to definitively answer. I play the guitar and sing myself, and have done since I was a child. I entertain myself and think I make a reasonable noise. I have played to my partner and one or two other people on a social basis and got good feedback. That said, you do need to know your limitations, where to extend your musical boundaries to, and posting material of your performances on places like FB is potentially opening up yourself to be hurt, I guess. Not everybody is going to accommodate your desire for positive feedback. That in itself can be demoralising if you’re seeking external validation of your talent. Others will gush with high praise and flowery emoticons, but don’t necessarily mean a word or symbol of it. Some people may even be overtly offensive. I would take each particular response with a pinch of salt. The only real way of being certain that you are musically entertaining is to play a gathering of people who have actually paid to see you. But even then, some really high-profile singers still have huge doubts about their talents - even with the positive appraisal of a paying audience.
Yes and no, if it's only your friends and acquaintances who'll see it then it's very unlikely you'll get constructive criticism let alone unfavourable comments. She's got a fair few contacts on FB and I suppose the sheer number of comments and likes was pretty small in the grand scheme of things. I'm sure it must of reached the ears of plenty of folk like myself who thought it was terrible and declined to comment. Nobody wants to get knocked down, or deserves to be for that matter - so for her sake I am glad that there were people who were prepared to tell her what she wanted to hear. If she genuinely wants to entertain people (or not as the case maybe), or lets say perform to an audience then she should stick to the open mike nights rather than to foist her wares onto those who can't say no. Is fishing for compliments the same as bragging? I think you know yourself if you're looking good, whether that new hairstyle/colour suits you, or indeed if you're happy with something you've produced by your own hands or voice - so why the need for validation?
Good point made about knowing your limitations - After listening to my friend's version, I couldn't help feeling it was a little narcisisstic to describe this caterwauling as a homage to such a legend. Had she said I love this song - Apologies to Etta James then it may have shown a little more humility. Having said that I don't have any desire to pi$$ on her parade! There's not many professional singers out there who can do the likes of Etta James any justice let alone a weekend karaoke singer. I listened to a version by Christina Aguelira and did a pretty damn good job, she didn't sound the same but imo she managed to make the song her own.
I prefer compliments to come naturally, even if it means I don't get many but I least I'd know they're genuine.
 
The thing is, as most people who embark on social media careers would probably attest... you can have thousands upon thousands of positive comments. But it's the one or two negative comments you will take to heart.
You are kinder and wiser to say nothing than to contribute a false comment to build up the idea that the singer's abilities are greater than they really are. It just makes those isolated negative comments hurt the more.
If the only people who can see your posts are people who know you then it's extremely unlikely you'll hear the honest truth, anything negative will be the lack of response and that could easily go unnoticed. Put yourself out there online for all to see then I'm pretty sure among the positive responses then, there'd be a whole host of really unpleasant and hurtful comments. This is why I keep myself to myself on social media even though I only communicate with people I actually know. If I'm gonna get a compliment I'd rather have it in person.
 
I met a singer at a musical event and she had a fantastic voice, a bit like Judith Durham of the Seekers.

We have kept in touch via FB, and she is a semi-pro singer who does a lot of gigs.

Her voice is still fine but her pitching is now VERY dodgy. She still gets loads of praise when she posts videos of her gigs, but complains that they never book her twice!

And, of course, she can't unerstand why.
 
I remember the only time I watched a Britain's Got Talent show. It was showing people who hadn't got past the local selection. Most were rubbish,some were atrocious and the recurring comments were " my mates say I've got a brilliant voice".
 
I remember the only time I watched a Britain's Got Talent show. It was showing people who hadn't got past the local selection. Most were rubbish,some were atrocious and the recurring comments were " my mates say I've got a brilliant voice".
A bloke I used to work with went for a Britain's got talent audition, he was a bit of an oddball to say the least. It first started off with him telling the boss that he'd like to sing to everybody at the work Christmas dinner, this was agreed and he sang White Christmas. His voice wasn't great to say the least, not awful, but thin and reedy and ever so slightly off pitch in places. I remember sitting in the dining room having to concentrate on one spot on the wall to stop myself from giggling. Nobody was looking at one another just in case, a couple of people had to step outside (presumably to let it go!) The atmosphere in the room was palpable. When he'd finished singing there was a stunned silence until one bloke shouted "Yes Nigel" and started to applaud, then the rest of us joined in. After that it became a tradition, every Christmas and people tried to avoid the lunch break he was on. Once he burst into Eidelweiss at one of the old dear's retirement teas. He told us that he'd applied for BGT and this was the song he was going to sing. A few weeks later he came into the shop wearing a very smart suit with his BGT number pinned to the front. He told us that he did ok, sang the song but didn't get put through to perform in front of the panel. In those days, if you were absolutely horrendous then you'd get put through to the televised auditions but if you were just not very good or unremarkable then you'd be given the bum's rush. If he'd worn a chicken suit he'd have stood a better chance!
The problem is, is that to be a good singer you need so much more than self belief and the ability to stay in tune! Stage presence and nerves can be worked on, whereas a lack of natural ability not so much.
 
Pre lockdown, I used to go to folk clubs. Some of the floor singers could easily be booked at festivals, others are depressing and I've been known to time going to the bar to coincide with their spot. I still miss the live music, but I have lost confidence to come home so late.
 
Pre lockdown, I used to go to folk clubs. Some of the floor singers could easily be booked at festivals, others are depressing and I've been known to time going to the bar to coincide with their spot. I still miss the live music, but I have lost confidence to come home so late.
I used to love a good folk club!! Hope you get your confidence back enough to go again once in a while
 
Anyone who does FB will know that memories will pop up, eg a photo you posted 20 years ago. It gives you a chance to see it again and if you want, re-post it. I tend to just have a giggle, and very occasionally will repost an ancient pic of my group of friends having fun. My singing pal has just posted a picture of herself in her mortar board and gown from back in 2010 when she got her business studies degree. She commented that it was a shout out to her wonderful tutor and the support of her family and friends that made that day possible - No it wasn't - It was another chance to showcase her achievements and get some more adulation in the form of comments. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but she ain't gonna get any from me. I congratulated her at the time and was very pleased for her, I still am, she has done marvellously for herself and it's largely down to grit and determination (and a smattering of luck). Of course the comments have started rolling in, not only about this fantastic achievement but how wonderful she looks in her garb , "Well done you, you must be so proud" "Brains and beauty" "So clever, you look fab too" etc etc etc!!! She's lapping it up and sending everyone who's commented a heart emoji - REALLY?!!! Why all the need for validation? Maybe she's not as confident as we'd believe, maybe she is and just needs to top up her ego - Not sure really on this, it's certainly more bragging than fishing this time round, but hey, at least it didn't hurt my ears!!!
 

Latest posts

Back
Top