For and against gifts for Teachers.

[Weathergirl]

I walk to collect my son on the days I don't work. My daughter is still in her pushchair and sometimes the other parents have parked so inconsiderately there is no space for me to manouver the pushchair along the designated walking area of the carpark. My mum collects him on the days I work.To be honest I don't really like the whole "school gate" thing. Bunches of women in clusters with their "subtle" hints at how well their child is doing, and the pressure to make cakes, sell them, buy raffle tickets and they even get comptetitive about having the best hobbit costume! Sometimes I feel like I barely have even 2 minutes to myself, let alone make bliddy cupcakes. I am going to have to buy some (as I did with the Hobbit costume). I am going to work 5 days a week next year, and whilst I resent not being there for my children as much as I was, and love them, enjoy having them and prioritise them-the "school gate mum" is just not for me and although I smile and chat a bit- I know I don't really fit in with the cliques.

 

[boffy]

my sister is a class room assistant and the amount of stuff the staff get is ridiculous. so many boxes of chocs flowers etc that way into the summer there is still stuff. yesterday there was a charity on my high street asking us to buy something when we went shopping toothbrush, nappies, soap, dried food jars and tins to give to local homeless families. much better idea

 

[Bettyboo]

Why not buy something for the local food bank or other charity and give the teacher the receipt inside a Christmas card.

 

[Turandot]

I don't agree with giving gifts to teachers ,maybe when the child leaves to go to secondary school as a thank you but in my experience it all gets very competitive among some parents.It can get out of hand .It used to be the same with designer clothes and trainers for children which I couldn't afford when my children were growing up.

I used to hate the competitiveness at the school gates.Children whose parents don't give gifts can feel left out. Children talk among themselves so I would discourage it so all children are on an equal level.

 

[MinxyKitten]

I don't know why schools don't issue a statement saying not to buy. They're so strict with the uniform issue, not to make anyone feel excluded, yet this farce seems to be encouraged. The school gate/yummy mummy group is my joint worst nightmare (along with hen nights!)

 

[Ellaaa]

Nurses are not allowed to accept personal gifts. Its stated in their code of conduct so why is it not the same for the teaching profession.

That's not quite right, the NMC code of conduct says we can't accept gifts that could be interpreted as someone trying to gain preferential treatment, it is ok to accept gifts as thanks, and we should refer to our local policy. Everywhere I've ever worked has allowed us to accept gifts, and also the vast majority are given when a patient has been discharged, so the issue of judging whether they're trying to gain preferential treatment does not need to be made.

 

[Julius]

Why not buy something for the local food bank or other charity and give the teacher the receipt inside a Christmas card.

It's not a bad idea in some ways Betty, but I'd want the gift! Not a flippin' receipt! Whether it's OK to give a gift very much depends on the intentions behind it. If it's to sincerely thank someone for something they've done, then fine. If it's a case of keeping up with the Joneses, then not fine!

 

[Mazza]

This is something I was just thinking about today. My father has just entered a smallish nursing home. I was wondering if I should give the staff a token gift. I appreciate that he is paying a substantial amount to stay there but in the short time he has been there the staff have been very good.

They seem to have stacks of biscuits for all the tea breaks so unless it was a special box it would be a bit like taking coal to Newcastle.

I know they use all the hand gel which I think dries your skin so I wondered if a SMALL, but nice, hand lotion to the ladies would be appropriate? If so what about the few male assistants?

When my late mother was in a Home I used to take a big tin of chocolates for the other residents in her communal lounge and another one for the staff. She then told me the names of any special staff (or indeed other residents) that she wanted to buy an individual present and I got them something on her behalf. One particularly good year was when YC did a set of tumbler candles on buy more save more. I soon got through my two sets and only used one myself!!!! I also agree hand cream would be nice for any special staff gifts. Some firms do ones which are suitable for men I think, like Crabtree and Evelyn Gardeners one.

 

[Bettyboo]

It's not a bad idea in some ways Betty, but I'd want the gift! Not a flippin' receipt! Whether it's OK to give a gift very much depends on the intentions behind it. If it's to sincerely thank someone for something they've done, then fine. If it's a case of keeping up with the Joneses, then not fine!

Why should people buy gifts for teachers when they are already being well paid for the job they do. They are supposed to educate our children and get paid a wage for doing it so why do parents feel the need to buy a gift as well. It doesn't make sense to me.

 

[jj the buyer]

I totally disagree with gifts for teachers, or any other person as part of their job. I as a civil servant operated under very strict rules anything above a cheap advertising item like a diary had to be reported and returned.
My profession learnt the hard way how toxic gifts in the work place can become, Ive even seen a fight over a bottle of wine, and others touting for gifts.
The schools need at the very minimum to impose strict limits on the acceptable value and ensure that any gifts are recorded.
I wonder if the companies selling these gifts allow their buyers to accept gifts from their suppliers,

 

[Silver Fox]

Wot no yummy mummys in 4 x 4s driving Giles and Scarlet the 1200 yards to school??

That's another Q selling point the infamous 'school run' an opportunity to wear the Bibi Bijoux.

 

[marymo]

Around 20% get assistance, with the poorest (about 5%) having to pay nothing at all, but believe me, there is a lot of difference between a scholar and the rest. The ghastly parents' evenings, the plummy voices, the snooty discussions centred around skiing holidays / Copenhagen. Scholars are ostracised and there is a certain amount of jealousy as scholars receive an additional sacrament in Latin upon induction.

Hi all, this is my first post.

I fully concur with everything Julies has written. My son was a King's Scholar at Eton and received a near-full means tested scholarship. For the first two years in College, we bought a small Jo Malone candle for the Master (who happened to be a woman). We stopped when no letter of thanks was forthcoming: an incredibly bad example IMHO, I don't care how many presents were received. My son overcame a lot of jealousy and some bullying. He did enjoy everything that was on offer, particularly the cultural side of school life, and he has just graduated from Cambridge with a First. I teach in a small independent school and receive some Christmas gifts (although I would rather not). I always write a personal letter to each child and post it (even though it costs a fortune!), as nothing beats receiving a handwritten letter!

 

[Craftalot]

Surely it's up the individual concerned. If a parent wants to give a gift to his child's teacher then he's perfectly entitled to do so, regardless of the motive. And if said parent has some inferiority complex which necessitates trying to 'outdo' the other parents then that's going to be a nice bonus for the teacher! I think people find it easy to slate teachers and drop the whole 'nurses and firemen don't get presents so why should teachers'. However, you're (hopefully) only going to see a nurse very occasionally and a fireman never. Your child's teacher is someone who will probably spend more time with your child than anyone else - even the parents! So it's a slightly different relationship.

 

[Weathergirl]

Hi all, this is my first post.

I fully concur with everything Julies has written. My son was a King's Scholar at Eton and received a near-full means tested scholarship. For the first two years in College, we bought a small Jo Malone candle for the Master (who happened to be a woman). We stopped when no letter of thanks was forthcoming: an incredibly bad example IMHO, I don't care how many presents were received. My son overcame a lot of jealousy and some bullying. He did enjoy everything that was on offer, particularly the cultural side of school life, and he has just graduated from Cambridge with a First. I teach in a small independent school and receive some Christmas gifts (although I would rather not). I always write a personal letter to each child and post it (even though it costs a fortune!), as nothing beats receiving a handwritten letter!

Welcome Marymo thank you for posting. Looking forward to reading more

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Welcome Marymo, good to hear views from both sides of the fence. Unfortunately manners are fast becoming a thing of the past. Whether or not we agree/disagree with giving gifts I don't think there are many who do not lament at the me me me attitude that now appears to be the norm. There are days I feel like a real dinosaur and out of step with everyone else.

Keep posting and let us know your Q likes and dislikes.

 

[Honeybunny]

Surely it's up the individual concerned. If a parent wants to give a gift to his child's teacher then he's perfectly entitled to do so, regardless of the motive. And if said parent has some inferiority complex which necessitates trying to 'outdo' the other parents then that's going to be a nice bonus for the teacher! I think people find it easy to slate teachers and drop the whole 'nurses and firemen don't get presents so why should teachers'. However, you're (hopefully) only going to see a nurse very occasionally and a fireman never. Your child's teacher is someone who will probably spend more time with your child than anyone else - even the parents! So it's a slightly different relationship.

Thankyou Craftalot, I was beginning to feel really depressed by this thread! I have to declare an interest as both my husband and daughter are teachers. Neither of them expect anything at all from students and really love the handmade cards they get with lovely things written inside by the children. They both work very very hard at a job they love, including evenings, every weekend and during school holidays when they go in to school regularly in their own time. Of course they chose their profession and wouldn't have it any other way but I think there is a noticeable reflection in this thread of the lack of regard in which teachers are held these days which is such a shame because a good teacher contributes so much to a child's life. As you so rightly say children spend many, many hours of their lives with their teachers, it is a unique relationship and I think we should not underestimate how much teachers can mean to (especially younger) children. It is a lovely gesture for a child to give a small gift of thanks and affection at Christmas or end of term if they want to, and such a shame if competitive parents choose to spoil this. But please don't blame the teachers for this!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

as with all professions, there are good, bad and absolutely terrible teachers. I'm sure we can all remember teachers who inspired us and I know there are subjects which even 50 years later are a complete mystery just because the teacher was totally useless and should never ever been given the responsibility of teaching anyone.

 

[Julius]

Hi all, this is my first post.

I fully concur with everything Julies has written. My son was a King's Scholar at Eton and received a near-full means tested scholarship. For the first two years in College, we bought a small Jo Malone candle for the Master (who happened to be a woman). We stopped when no letter of thanks was forthcoming: an incredibly bad example IMHO, I don't care how many presents were received. My son overcame a lot of jealousy and some bullying. He did enjoy everything that was on offer, particularly the cultural side of school life, and he has just graduated from Cambridge with a First. I teach in a small independent school and receive some Christmas gifts (although I would rather not). I always write a personal letter to each child and post it (even though it costs a fortune!), as nothing beats receiving a handwritten letter!

Hello Marymo, and welcome.

Congratulations to you and your son for such fabulous achievements. I must say it makes me reflect on the chances I was given and squandered. For me the academic side of Eton was fine. Yes, it was rigorous, but I was fine with that. In the annual ranking of my year I came 85th - so nearer to the top than the bottom. What I just didn't get was the enforced ritualistic nonsense. I got put on bill for "excessive familiarity and lack of respect for custom" for saying: "Excuse me sir, may I have a word with you, please?" when I should have latched onto the sleeve of his cloak! I protested that I didn't know about the custom as I had grown up in a "bendrabutis" slum in Lithuania. All I was told is that "ignorance is no excuse." Another thing they do is a bizarre swimming test where you have to swim while clothed. I asked why it was necessary to do this and the master said: "just get in and do it!" and pushed me, his hand flat in my face, fully clothed into the pool.
I did befriend some pupils there and even stayed with my friend Martin and his family. They were quite bemused by my lack of knowledge in some areas yet impressed with other skills (I could make quince jam, speak fluent French and had excellent diction) yet were understanding and kind. They always said I was "born in the wrong class."

I drifted through life, ashamed of my origins. I'm quite sure most Etonians would drop dead on the spot, were they to set foot in a bendrabutis! Now I realise what a strong person I am BECAUSE of my experience. My area of Vilnius, once the poorest, is now the most expensive. I am now pursuing my masters at Birkbeck, University of London.

Gosh, I actually feel slightly tearful as I write this. It's funny how much of it I had blocked out, but I do actually feel a touch of grieving for Eton. I wonder what I might have become had I seen it through. Still, never mind. My random drifting has seen me doing some amazing things. My next aim is to work for the Daily Express / Mail - just for fun. The quaint old England they portray is very much the England to which the Etonians belong - the world I got to glimpse. I was just too damaged by my upbringing in a totally different environment.

I will always remember the "4th June" (which wasn't held on that date) celebrations - kind of like a sports day with theatrical / musical performances. A very snooty woman asked what my parents did. I said: "My father was a gangster and minor film actor who died in prison and my mother is a seamstress" You should have seen her face as she tried to reconcile my diction with what I'd told her!"

If I had my time over again I'd finish Eton. Really make the most of it. I perhaps ought to write and apologise to them. They showed faith in me

 

[marymo]

Teacher Gifts

Julius: my apologies for the typo of your name. I am so sorry that your experience of Eton was very different to my son's. However, I have to take issue with you! You did not squander your time there as you are:articulate, write well and with conviction (I always enjoy reading your posts) and are able to reflect seriously on your life experiences.

Back to QVC and 'gifting': since when did this awful word creep into presenter parlance?!

 

[boffy]

Hello Marymo, and welcome.

Congratulations to you and your son for such fabulous achievements. I must say it makes me reflect on the chances I was given and squandered. For me the academic side of Eton was fine. Yes, it was rigorous, but I was fine with that. In the annual ranking of my year I came 85th - so nearer to the top than the bottom. What I just didn't get was the enforced ritualistic nonsense. I got put on bill for "excessive familiarity and lack of respect for custom" for saying: "Excuse me sir, may I have a word with you, please?" when I should have latched onto the sleeve of his cloak! I protested that I didn't know about the custom as I had grown up in a "bendrabutis" slum in Lithuania. All I was told is that "ignorance is no excuse." Another thing they do is a bizarre swimming test where you have to swim while clothed. I asked why it was necessary to do this and the master said: "just get in and do it!" and pushed me, his hand flat in my face, fully clothed into the pool.
I did befriend some pupils there and even stayed with my friend Martin and his family. They were quite bemused by my lack of knowledge in some areas yet impressed with other skills (I could make quince jam, speak fluent French and had excellent diction) yet were understanding and kind. They always said I was "born in the wrong class."

I drifted through life, ashamed of my origins. I'm quite sure most Etonians would drop dead on the spot, were they to set foot in a bendrabutis! Now I realise what a strong person I am BECAUSE of my experience. My area of Vilnius, once the poorest, is now the most expensive. I am now pursuing my masters at Birkbeck, University of London.

Gosh, I actually feel slightly tearful as I write this. It's funny how much of it I had blocked out, but I do actually feel a touch of grieving for Eton. I wonder what I might have become had I seen it through. Still, never mind. My random drifting has seen me doing some amazing things. My next aim is to work for the Daily Express / Mail - just for fun. The quaint old England they portray is very much the England to which the Etonians belong - the world I got to glimpse. I was just too damaged by my upbringing in a totally different environment.

I will always remember the "4th June" (which wasn't held on that date) celebrations - kind of like a sports day with theatrical / musical performances. A very snooty woman asked what my parents did. I said: "My father was a gangster and minor film actor who died in prison and my mother is a seamstress" You should have seen her face as she tried to reconcile my diction with what I'd told her!"

If I had my time over again I'd finish Eton. Really make the most of it. I perhaps ought to write and apologise to them. They showed faith in me

you must have been very bright to have been given this chance i am sure that has not changed