Is Julia Okay

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It’s not easy getting old. Conscious of your own time running out and wondering how long you can stay relatively healthy and well for. Losing older loved ones and attending far too many funerals, far too frequently. I was okay until I was 42 then my Dad went in 2004, my mum just over two years later, then my second wife’s mum in 2014 and then finally, my wife in 2021, aged 57. It takes its toll on you both emotionally and physically, losing people. Losing a spouse and at such a relatively young age and in traumatic circumstances is particularly hard to bear. Losing a child being the only thing worse I can imagine.

I look at that record sleeve with her and the other QVC presenters looking young and full of life. 24 years ago now, but those 24 years have gone, just like that. Not my favourite presenter, but part of my life in a sense, along with the others, since I started watching the comfort of shopping telly in the later 1990s. Also, a fellow Palace fan, and from where I live now - Nottingham. I wish her well.
 
The Duke of Cheese said:
It’s not easy getting old. Conscious of your own time running out and wondering how long you can stay relatively healthy and well for. Losing older loved ones and attending far too many funerals, far too frequently. I was okay until I was 42 then my Dad went in 2004, my mum just over two years later, then my second wife’s mum in 2014 and then finally, my wife in 2021, aged 57. It takes its toll on you both emotionally and physically, losing people. Losing a spouse and at such a relatively young age and in traumatic circumstances is particularly hard to bear. Losing a child being the only thing worse I can imagine.

I look at that record sleeve with her and the other QVC presenters looking young and full of life. 24 years ago now, but those 24 years have gone, just like that. Not my favourite presenter, but part of my life in a sense, along with the others, since I started watching the comfort of shopping telly in the later 1990s. Also, a fellow Palace fan, and from where I live now - Nottingham. I wish her well.
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So sorry for your loss DoC. And during some of the worst years most of us have lived through, can't have made it any easier for you.
 
maymorganlondon said:
It's interesting to see such marked differences in how people treat illness. My mum and a family friend were both diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the same time. Both women of similar age. My mum's attitude to illness was f*** that, it doesn't define me, I've got a life to live. The other took to her bed and was in a wheelchair within 2 years. It took a broken hip 20 years later to put mum in one. She lurched, staggered and fell over a lot but just gave it the Harvey Smith's and got on with her life.
A lot of the time it comes down to attitude. My mum and I didn't always see eye to eye, but when I was diagnosed with a serious illness, it was mum's attitude and spirit I tried to emulate.
On Q I don't notice Ali K alluding to illness. She seems to keep moving forwards. Yes, it can be tiresome with all the fuss about the wedding then grandkids, but she's moving on and focused on the future and the good things in life.
Severe illness and treatment and waiting on diagnosis then further treatment is challenging. Supporting loved ones going through it is actually worse imo, as you can't take their pain and distress away for them.
I hope Julia can move forward and not dwell on the negatives in the past.
You can't drive to your next destination, nor enjoy the journey if your eyes are glued to the rear view mirror.
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Very well put MML. I was a young widow, and was diagnosed with Lupus 30 years ago, but being left with 3 dogs that needed walking every day, and a job in the NHS, I took two weeks off after the funeral and felt the walls were closing in, so I thought f......k this. So I girded my loins and went back to work. Yes I think of him every New Years Day when he died 20 years ago, but its not sack cloth and ashes, I just raise a glass to him and carry on.

I saw ladies in the old age psychiatry unit being treated for depression because they were grieving at the loss of their husband. Generally it was ladies who let their hubbies do everything, from doing all the driving, sorting out the finances, doing all the DIY, and as a consequence the ladies couldn't cope and found it overwhelming so retreated into their shell. I have a friend who is dreading anything happening to her husband, and I tell her "for God's sake LEARN now how to do stuff", because I can see her going the same way.
 
Brissles said:
Very well put MML. I was a young widow, and was diagnosed with Lupus 30 years ago, but being left with 3 dogs that needed walking every day, and a job in the NHS, I took two weeks off after the funeral and felt the walls were closing in, so I thought f......k this. So I girded my loins and went back to work. Yes I think of him every New Years Day when he died 20 years ago, but its not sack cloth and ashes, I just raise a glass to him and carry on.

I saw ladies in the old age psychiatry unit being treated for depression because they were grieving at the loss of their husband. Generally it was ladies who let their hubbies do everything, from doing all the driving, sorting out the finances, doing all the DIY, and as a consequence the ladies couldn't cope and found it overwhelming so retreated into their shell. I have a friend who is dreading anything happening to her husband, and I tell her "for God's sake LEARN now how to do stuff", because I can see her going the same way.
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My Dad did everything for Mum. When he died suddenly in 1995 Mum was 72. She started learning immediately - getting us her 3 ‘kids’ and partners to show her how to do things. About 6 months after Dad died she said “I’m not going to waste the rest of my life”. She didn’t. It was tough for her but she lived another 21 years, was happy and busy for most of it.
 
My neighbour and his wife were very active taking their caravan away every weekend, after washing it and using a toothbrush to get into the nooks and crannies, until his wife died a few years ago. Since then the caravan is rotting in the driveway, he closed the curtains and has never ventured out since. His kids take it in turns to come up every day (didn’t before) which I don’t think did him any favours as he wasn’t forced to get out.
 
I agree it’s very sad for her and all of us losing older relatives and spouses some at a very early age. It is awful and hard to bear but we have our memories and no one can take them away from us. My own circumstance is supporting my niece who lost her mum at 12 but she’s done her very best to keep going and is now about to sit important exams and I’m sure will do well with her positive attitude and outlook on life. Her mum who was a lovely person would be so proud of her and rightly so. In the meantime I provide the annual Christmas Eve box of goodies which makes her laugh and feel loved - silly games, baking items and little nice things. Not the same as having a loving mum but does help a bit 🥰
 
It's often a blessing to lose your parents later in life (unless they have been a total nightmare, abusive etc). I lost my dad at 15, and my mum at just over 30. I have friends who still have one or both parents in their late 50s or early 60s. I'm a bit envious of some aspects of that and profoundly relieved to not have some of the pain that can accompany relationships with older parents.
Many important milestones in the year can be bittersweet, but while loss never goes, grief mellows and we adapt. It's lovely that you are building a wonderful relationship with your niece.
 
QVC Princess said:
I remember Julia mentioned on her blog a while ago that the two mums were visiting - they had become friends over the years. I would think this is making Julia think about her own mum and the prospect of losing her. 🥲
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Yes, Princess. The saddest day of your life is when you lose your mum. She is the only one (usually; there are exceptions) who gave you unconditional love.
 
Mum passed at 84 and Dad at 92 and I miss them dearly. I don't have a husband or kids, and even in my 70's its hard not being someone's No.1 priority anymore - well, except the dog's.

Not looking for sympathy as I'm well used to living on my own now, but my brothers have their own families so I'm well down the list of being thought about. I can therefore sympathise with those elderly who are also on their own, some of whom do have families but who are "too busy" to bother with them except a 5 minute phone call once a fortnight if they're lucky. They'll be old someday themselves.
 
Grizelda said:
Yes, Princess. The saddest day of your life is when you lose your mum. She is the only one (usually; there are exceptions) who gave you unconditional love.
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Totally agree Grizelda. I lost mum when I was 11 and she has been a big miss,thankfully, my dad brought us all up(with our help)and he was the best example of giving unconditional love. Sending a hug to anyone grieving the loss of a parent.
 
Our family has lost 2 mums this year - my brother in law’s Mum was 92 but my nephew’s mother in law was only 61 and had breast cancer for 6.5 years. We all met regularly at family get-togethers. Christmas will be an emotional time for us all.
 
Brissles said:
Mum passed at 84 and Dad at 92 and I miss them dearly. I don't have a husband or kids, and even in my 70's its hard not being someone's No.1 priority anymore - well, except the dog's.

Not looking for sympathy as I'm well used to living on my own now, but my brothers have their own families so I'm well down the list of being thought about. I can therefore sympathise with those elderly who are also on their own, some of whom do have families but who are "too busy" to bother with them except a 5 minute phone call once a fortnight if they're lucky. They'll be old someday themselves.
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I live on my own have no family just a distant cousin and am used to doing everything myself and am surrounded by women who sit back and let their Husbands/ partners/ family members do everything for them.I have ‘bitter’ self indulgent moments, poor me!— then think I know where I stand in life, do what I want, when and how.Families and marriages in later life are not all cosiness and caring, independence and a coping attitude can be something to be proud of.
 

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